Actor Fight!: Jamie Foxx Disses Señor Baby Wipes!

I'm not even a big Jamie Foxx fan (love his work though in "Collateral"), but that was HEEEEE-larious. From dissing Terrence's deliciously fey "plastic" selling album to how Howard plays the same dude over and over. Awesome. Oh, and the smack talking. The Zoot suit diss. The story about Terrence trying to play his guitar at a Fiddy show and wondering why the crowd didn't respond. If we didn't invent shit talking, we definitely took it up a notch. I loves it! As Kyle wrote at Defamer.com: Don Cheadle, we love you, but we're beginning our own fanboy campaign: Jamie Foxx as Terrence Howard as War Machine in Jon Favreau's Iron Man 2! (Radio Big Boy, Defamer)

Blago Picks Burris, Continuing the Greatest Political Show On Earth

Embattled Ill. Gov. "Hot" Rod Blagojevich never fails to disappoint.

Throwing everyone a curveball Tuesday, Hot Rod picked the esteemed careerist, four decades plus Democratic veteran/law & order, former Illinois Attorney General and first popularly elected black state official Roland Burris as his appointment to President-elect Barack Obama's senate seat.

CHICAGO — Defying U.S. Senate leaders and his own state's lawmakers, Gov. Blagojevich on Tuesday appointed former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to replace President-elect Barack Obama in the U.S. Senate. Blagojevich, accused of trying to sell Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder, praised the 71-year-old Burris' integrity and asked that the corruption allegations not "taint this good and honest man."

"The people of Illinois are entitled to have two United States senators represent them in Washington D.C.," Blagojevich said. "As governor I am required to make this appointment."

Burris, standing at the governor's side, said he's eager to get to work in Washington. He said he has no connection to the charges against Blagojevich, who was arrested on Dec. 9 and accused of trying to profit from appointing Obama's replacement.

Burris was the first African-American elected to major statewide office. He's served as Illinois' comptroller and ran for governor three times _ the last time losing to Blagojevich. (Huffington Post)

Fascinating!

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is continuing his swan song that the senate will not accept anyone the tainted Blago picks into the Dem caucus. But by picking Burris, Hot Rod has thrown down the ultimate triple dog dare -- pass over my qualified black appointment, haters! -- a point clarified at the press conference in even simpler terms by Illinois Dem. Rep. Bobby Rush*.

*Not to be confused by the chittlin' circuit, nightfishin', proudly henpecked -- pecked by the right hen -- bluesman Bobby Rush who enjoys serenading thicky-thick girls. Because with a mama who loves blues from Arkansas that's who I thought of immediately when I heard the name Rep. Bobby Rush. I half expected him to belt out how "Sue, she's a good 'un!" when he hopped on the stage.

Noting that without Obama there would be no African-American members of the Senate, Rush, a former Black Panther, warned the press not to "hang or lynch" Burris by associating him with the ethics scandals plaguing the governor.

"I would ask you the not hang or lynch the appointee as you castigate the appointer and separate the appointee from the appointer," said Rush. "Roland Burris is worthy and he is the only one who can stand in the gap during this time and gather the confidence, re-establishing confidence of the people of the state of Illinois." (Huffington Post)

Rush, in so many terms, asked that people not punish Burris for Blago's crimes. Fair enough. But he also made the point that a Negroless Senate cannot stand. You can read this a lot of ways. Or you can go the simple route and claim that Rep. Rush just said if you don't confirm Burris, you are a racist.

I mean. Here's a direct quote.

"There are no African-Americans in the Senate, and I don't think that anyone, any U.S. Senator who is sitting right now would want to go on record to deny one African-American from being seated in the U.S. Senate. I don't think they want to go on record doing that.

Rush promised to take his case to the Congressional Black Caucus, and he said he intended to lobby Senators as well -- including his Illinois colleague, Dick Durbin.

"Let me remind you that the state of Illinois and the people of the state of Illinois in their collective wisdom have sent two African-Americans to the U.S. Senate," Rush said. "That makes a difference. This is not just a state of Illinois matter ... but indeed, by this decision, it has tremendous national importance."

That's an interesting way to go in getting a fellow appointed. (To be fair, Blago also played a little "he's a black guy, push it through" hand of bid whist there too.) I don't know how successful that will be, but it's guaranteed to be entertaining.

Either way, NOW this shizz is officially interesting to me. Burris is 71 and has watched other hot shots come and go while he was passed over. First Jesse Jackson, Sr. running for president. Then Jesse's son going to the House. Then Carol Moseley Braun going to the senate first, followed later by Barack Obama, who is now our president-elect. Burris in many ways paved the way for these individuals and during the whole press conference he had a grin on his face that said, "You will not take this away from me."

This appointment, which everyone else was running from, Burris essentially ran towards as this was his last chance at such a huge and influential position. I can't really hate on the guy for this category five level of "opportunity = crisis." He knows he's being used and he doesn't care. If anything, at this point, home skillet might being using Blago. And we all know that the senate seat is a *bleeping* valuable thing.

This is going to be a lovely way to burn.

The Award for Most Patience With A Crazy Person: MSNBC's Tamron Hall!

Congratulations, Tamron Hill of MSNBC! You survived 10 tons of crazy the other day (without even messing up your magical perm), dealing with Conservative flack Kate Obenshain attempts to argue that the "Barack the Magic Negro" song was really about dissing Al Sharpton.

Democratic strategist hottie (oh, those eyebrows!) Jamal Simmons, also gets an honorable mention for riding shotgun on that one, but he should be used to crazy by now as a regular on these sort of "pundit versus pundit" deals.

You can watch the video here on Jezebel, who misspelled Tamron's name while in the midst of giving her that badge of "Courage Under Extreme Ignorance Fire."

I think I'd have more respect for the defenders of "Barack the Magic Negro" if they just admitted it was in bad taste, but shouted "FIRST AMENDMENT!" then ducked and hid somewhere after folks started throwing things. But they won't do that, so ... sigh. I guess it's kind of a story now even though Rush Limbaugh already salted this earth months ago.

BTW, for coming up with a ridiculous argument that did not involve screaming "Yeah, it was tacky but FIRST AMENDMENT!" Kate Obenshain takes home the "Not Helping!" award for the day. You're not helping the conservative cause, Obenshain! Maybe Ohio Republican Ken Blackwell can offer you some, "C'mon! It's not that serious! I'm black and I'm not mad. We can mock the president without looking like assholes! The press is TOO sensetive! Liberals get to do it all the time!" defense tactics. Go back to the drawing board. Try something involving "word police" or "censorship," because you really don't have any legs to stand on here.

Rants: Feel My Pain

This week in real life "Snob News" I took dear Mama Snob to see "Cadillac Records." Despite her disdain for all profanity (and the fact that she hadn't seen a film in a theater since "Harlem Nights" back in 1989), she wanted to see the film because she is a fan of the blues, hardcore.

Mama Snob spent much of my formative years teaching and torturing my sisters and myself with blues music. Everything from Muddy Waters and Howlin' Wolf (who's doppelgangers were in the film) to B.B. King, Bobby "Blue" Bland, Johnnie Taylor (who is actually R&B if you ask my mother), ZZ Hill, Denise LaSalle and Koko Taylor. Some of it I grew to love. Others I still can't stand to this very day. (I truly do not want to pitch a wang-dang-doodle all night long. Or put on my "wig hat," as LaSalle suggests on one ditty.) But watching the film and, most notably, Beyonce Knowles' portrayal of Etta James reminded me of what separates great art from great pop art.

In the film, Beyonce is playing Etta James, a woman with a distinct, passionate voice that hits you emotionally to your core. Some of her songs are joyous. Some are gospel. Some are blues. All hit with an undercurrent of suffering.

Beyonce is a perfected R&B/Pop princess with a pristine, over-worked voice who can kill stylistically, but has never moved me emotionally. Basically, her acrobatics are amazing, but she could also be the T-888 of pop singers.

She has been successful in moving me to the dance floor. That's been a capability of hers since I was in college and someone would throw on "Bills, Bills, Bills." She's the queen of the "all-sass, all-the-time, independent/strong black woman" song. The "I'm so awesome and don't need your tired ass" song, that -- as I've mentioned before -- is more science fiction than reality in relationships. Yeah, sometimes you get to wave it in a guy's face and sing "if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it," but most of the time it's just you, drunk, at home, watching "Mo' Betta Blues" for the millionth time wondering why-oh-why won't Denzel Washington come to your house and beg you to save his life?

Did I ever stand in your way, Denzel? Did I ever try to stop you from doing what you wanted to do!?! The only reason you're here is because you can't play anymore!

As I watched Beyonce emote her way through the film (and she tried to emote her little ass off), there was something not quite right. Knowles admitted that she really had to dig deep as an actor because of Etta's anger and inner turmoil, (Etta had it rough and really, really liked liquor and smack, etc., etc.) At the end of the day, she came up with a convincing facsimile of suffering, but I never, for the life of me, believed in that suffering.

It's not that I don't think Beyonce has inner drama. Everyone does. Everyone has doubt and failings and pain. My argument is that Beyonce does not want you to know of this drama, any real drama, that is. She's closely guarded with an even more tightly guarded image. She is more about being the fantasy of what she thinks you want her to be (cue "Sasha Fierce!") rather than revealing anything of character.

In "Cadillac Records," Adrian Brody's character, Leonard Cohen, argues with Beyonce's James' lack of emotion in her initial takes of the song "All I Could Do Was Cry." He makes the point that the song is about a woman watching another woman marry the man she loves. James' digs deep and finds that pain, albeit it's not about being dumped by a long-lost love. A scene later you learn about her being the neglected, bastard child of a white man.

Beyonce does good work with the scene, as she does with her few scenes in the movie (the film rushes in so many huge personalities that no one seems to get any justice as a character, including Etta James). But the scene underscores the point that it really doesn't matter when the song is about pain. The pain has to be real for the song to have meaning. And that's what separates someone with a wonderful voice who makes an outstanding pop artist from a true artist.

A true artist brings the pain.

I don't have to convince you that original Fugee's member, musical genius and lost child, Lauryn Hill has issues. We all know, homegirl has issues. But often, when I wanted to think of a modern song, like Etta James' classic "I'd Rather Go Blind" or Issac Hayes' cover of "Walk On By" that makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry, I think of Hill's "Ex-Factor."

"Ex-Factor," on its face, can be taken as a brilliant love unrequited/love denied ballad, but it doesn't stop there. As Hill explores deeper and deeper into the song and lays out her blueprint of pain, it becomes very apparent that this song doesn't have to be about a crappy boyfriend or a wayward husband or a married man who won't leave his wife for you. By the end of the song it is a plea for undying love, the kind you're supposed to get from the first man to ever love you -- your father. And once you cross that threshold suddenly the song is about abandonment -- by anyone. Did your mother abandon you? You may cry while listening to "Ex-Factor." Did you grow up and age out of the child welfare system? You may cry while listening to "Ex-Factor." Were you abused as a child? You may cry while listening to "Ex-Factor." Did you spend 35 years as a housewife, raising five kids to find out that your husband has another woman and another five kids, secretly, on the other side of the country? Cry! Ex-Factor is for you.

Hell, you don't even have to be a woman to cry during Ex-Factor. Just be from the land of broken toys. Be the neglected. Be the rejected. Once you get to the end where Hill pleads, "you said you'd be there for me" over and over she could be singing Pslams for all I know, wondering where is God and why He abandoned her. That's how universal, yet specific, her vocal pain is.

And what does Knowles have? "If I Were A Boy?" a song, I HATE WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. It's a nice enough song. But it's not particularly deep or painful. It basically entails that if Knowles were a man all she'd do is drink and hang out with guys without question. The video doesn't hit any harder, which didn't seem to relate to gender politics at all if you ask any guy whoever had a girlfriend cheat on him with a co-worker. It also resonates if you're a man who has been routinely emasculated by the woman you love. (BB once sang how he gave you seven children and now you want to send them back!) These things are pretty common place. If anything, I thought the video was about gender equity among cheaters.

Women! We can cheat too! Except, we always have! So never mind!

And, gee. I think Gwen Stefani and the rest of No Doubt addressed this issue better on "Just A Girl" back in 1995. Or Leslie Gore on "You Don't Own Me" in 1964. Or hey, how about less than two years ago, by Ciara, on a track called "Like A Boy," a song I actually enjoyed despite it being a blatant Aaliyah rip-off, down to the baggy pants, hair weave and wonderful pop n' lock routine. At least on the somewhat gimmicky, but fun single it was about being angry that the rules of sex and sexuality were different for men and women. Both Ciara's and Beyonce's songs tread similar gender role themes (staying out all night, turning off your phone, etc.) But Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy" is a sappy, whiny "This Used to Be My Playground"-esque ballad about pseudo-feminism.

Ciara is doing her best Leslie Gore of, "how would you like it if I did it to you, huh? You wouldn't like that would you! We totally aren't going to prom now!"

And it's not like Ciara has a catalog of pain to draw back on (that I know of). But she makes it work. Largely because it's a revenge fantasy, not about how awesome Ciara is and that she could do that to a guy, but that she WISHES she could do that to a guy. Never once does she say, "Screw this. I'm converting to being an ass."

And I'm not a big fan of Mary J. Blige, but I call feel the capillaries bursting on every one of her tracks. When she sang that she couldn't be without you, I believed she could not be without that person. Same went for "No More Drama," another song which makes me cry despite my best efforts, because, in the end, you are responding to her raw emotion, her appeal to wanting to leave a tumultuous life behind and be the person she wants to be.

Some people say Beyonce wants greatness, hence why she chases those who already have it (see James, Etta). I can't blame her. A lot of us do. This would also explain why at the last few of Grammy Awards she sang with Tina Turner and Prince as if their true measure of pain and "fierce" would rub off by osmosis. She's obviously a hard worker, but no amount of hard work can fake pain. When Prince sang "When Doves Cry" you may not have known what the song was about in 1984. Maybe you still don't. But you know he's broken up over something. A woman. His parents. God. Himself. Ultimately, for me, the song is about obsession. But, sex, Jesus or obsession are good fallback explanations for nearly every Prince song.

Turner is the same way. She didn't even write "What's Love Got to Do With It," yet the emotions, the sound, the pain were all Tina's. No amount of wonderful song writing can create that.

I'm not saying Beyonce needs to get in a dysfunctional relationship, be abandoned by her family, pick up a drug habit (or several drug habits), become completely disillusioned by fame and moved to the islands, become a conflicted Christian who went pop or go nutbar on me but the great ones give up some pain. There's really no way around it. Without the pain, you're just a more charming Mariah Carey who can actually dance. Or worse, Janet Jackson with better vocals.

Both Mariah and Janet have outstanding pop careers. And if you want to be a wealthy, beloved, popular singer, you're on their heels of catching and surpassing them in sales and accolades. But Whitney, the trainwreck everyone roots for, you will not. Beyonce Knowles can't convince me she knows the blues. It's her only real flaw as a performer. Her kryptonite. But she shouldn't feel bad. It's a pretty common flaw among pop singers. Usher can kiss Dead James Brown's ass all he wants. He'll still sound like someone said "just push play."

The Honolulu Advertiser Is Entering Creepy Stalker Territory With the President-Elect

Did they swim with dolphins? What kind of shaved ice did they eat? What are they wearing? When they poop does it smell like cinnamon loaf and rainbow sprinkles? More! More!

Obama entered Koko Marina Paradise Deli and said, "So, what are we going to get?" "Let me get a tuna sandwich," Obama said, asking for it on 12-grain bread, tomatoes and no mayo.

"Actually, can you melt cheese on that?" he asked. "Can you make like a tuna melt with cheddar cheese?"

Obama then approached the press pool to say hello. He placed his shoulder on this reporter, who was scribbling notes, and said, "You don't really need to write all that down." (Honolulu Advertiser)

But was the tuna dolphin safe? The reporter didn't write that down! Inquiring minds musat know, Honolulu Advertiser!

At one point on the sidewalk, Obama dropped his sunglasses, bent down and picked then up.

Because, I really needed to know that. Was Angelina and Brad there, you know, as long as we're being ridiculous in our coverage? Did Jennifer Aniston say it was "uncool" that the President-Elect seemed to approve of Brangelina sinful, international adopted baby-filled common-law marriage? Where's the scoop Advertiser?

Obama ate his sandwich before his shave ice, saying he wanted to set a good example for his girls by eating healthy food before dessert.

Inside Kokonuts, Obama, with his BlackBerry on his left hip, ordered shave ice for the kids and friends.

He told Malia, "We're going to do it one at a time."

Some ordered banana coconut or pina colada. Sasha ordered a medium banana-flavor shave ice.

"Everyone, once you've ordered, step back," Obama instructed the kids.

Obama pulled cash out of his wallet and Eric Whitaker pitched in to pay the bill. Obama ordered mixed-berry shave ice for Sam Tubman and offered shave ice to the press pool.

"Guys, here's your chance," he told the pool. "No? I'm telling you, this is really good ... I don't think this is against policy. You want one, I can tell."

The press pool declined the president-elect's offer.

Fascinating. And now, for my favorite mundane detail about a routine trip for snacks and fun at a water park.

Earlier in the day, the group left Sea Life Park about 1:40 p.m. after spending 90 minutes at the marine amusement park.

The press pool was not allowed inside the park. Obama did not pose for pictures or talk to reporters, but reporters could see him, his daughters, and several other family friends leave the park from the interactive dolphin area.

Tourists who were inside showed pool reporters photographs they took of Obama and his family and friends. Obama is wearing a casual cream-colored shirt tucked into olive shorts, and sandals.

The Obamas and friends were seen attending the dolphin show, tourists said.

It is unclear whether the Obamas swam with dolphins, and Obama's clothing did not appear wet.

OMG! The world may never know if Sasha and Malia swam with dolphins! I don't know if my life can be complete now! (And, yes, if that had happened the pictures would be cute, but I seriously didn't need to know how the Big O likes his tuna melt or that he dropped his sunglasses. Seriously. What are you people? Cops?) And while I faux stalk the Obamas, you, Honolulu Advertiser, you beat my faux stalking with your real-time accounts of banality hands down. Did you bid on that used Kleenex Scarlett Johansson sold on eBay last week? Because that's almost where this breadth of detail belongs.

That said ... DADDY/DAUGHTERS TIME! Or should I say, President-Elect/Future First Daughters time!

Cabaret star, singer, actress, icon and Catwoman: Eartha Kitt dead at 81

I wanna be eeeeevil! (From YouTube via Defamer, story People Magazine)

Merry Christmas: Michelle O. In January 2009 Vogue Magazine ... Maybe

This picture surfaced recently on the Web claiming to be for a January Vogue cover shot, but other reports have Michelle on for the cover in March (which were recently debunked in Newsweek's blog Readback so who the hell knows what's going on here). This also looks very similar to some pictures Michelle took for Paris Match Magazine in 2007 by the same photographer. But until then, enjoy this nibble until I get a higher quality picture. The photo is by, of course, famed celebrity/fashion photographer Annie Leibovitz. (Above image from Flickr; below image from Mrs-O)

Merry Christmas from The Snob, Glitter and Chuckles

Happy Holidays from Glitter n' Chuckles! Kiss big baby Jesus for Mimi while you wait for Nick to put on the red suit and drive a sleigh lead by a team of My Little Ponies with Sparkle Pony sparkling the way (of course)! Rainbow Brite's got shotgun with pookie n' em! Wildin' out, as always.

I love how cartoon Nick and Mariah look nothing like real life Nick and Mariah. And I like how cartoon Mariah is nice n' "I just got back from Acapulco" brown, but still has super blonde hair. Awesome. Where's that pesky barf bag? Anyway, I just did this to torture you because you were all such good sports about my Glitters n' Chuckles blog hijacking from November.

Now, I'm going to eat some German chocolate cake and watch a bazillion movies. Unless something breaks I'll see ya' Monday. Stay totally Sparkle Pony n' shizz! (Copy of Xmas card from MCODB)

Christmas In Hawaii: The Obamas Say Goodbye to "Toot"

On Tuesday, President-Elect Barack Obama, his wife Michelle, his sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng, and several other friends and family members attended a ceremony in honor of Obama and Soetoro-Ng's grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, whom they called Toot.

After a service at the First Unitarian Church, her ashes were scattered at a seaside memorial in Honolulu. (Photos from Associated Press and Reuters)

The Media Continues It's Blagojevich Wall-to-Wall Speculation Watch

... and now I'm bored.

There are a lot of things wrong with this idle, yet obsessive speculation on whether or not President-Elect Barack Obama or his Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel hob-nobbed with the Rod, but almost all those things are conversation enders and without the conversation what would anyone have to talk about? We'd be looking at a Christmas holiday of nothing but Obama "shirtless" coverage. Dullsville. Much more fun to pretend like the scandal surrounding Gov. "Hot" Rod Blagojevich has given the Obama transition team the clap.

But for the sake of argument, here are a few "conversation killers":

1) Rahm hates Blago.

2) Obama hates Blago.

3) Blago hates Obama and Rahm and allegedly complained about it quite verbally.

4) Everyone in the entire state of Illinois knew Hot Rod was under investigation by the Feds as the man has been under some form of investigation for more than two years.

5) And because Blago was under investigation no politician, regardless of party, wanted shit to do with him, including Obama who, mind you, was the Democratic nominee for president and didn't invite the governor of his state to speak at the convention, on the stump, as a surrogate or at the park after he won.

Gee. It's almost like Obama wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MAN!

But, please, ignore all the empirical evidence of folks running away from Hot Rod as fast as they can. Heavens to Betsy, what would we talk about if we listened to the obvious? I suppose Blago could have just been complaining about Obama's team for poops n' giggles. Not because they wouldn't give him what he wanted or that they wouldn't play ball. Nope. Everyone sounds like good, good buddies here. Didn't the Obamas invite Hot Rod to Hawaii for fruitcake and body surfing?

Wait? He didn't?

Never mind.

More Obama In Hawaii, Now Shirtless

I was going to bury this because it feels so odd to ogle the president, but ... eh, screw it. Shirtless pics are going up top!

He played some golf too. (And yes, I got all ninty-billion of your notes and emails about Obama being shirtless! Yes! I got them ALL!!!)

This is going to be the most awkwardly sexy four-to-eight years ever. Also, are we joining the rest of the world in shirtless world leaders? If so, Hopey McChangey's abs kicks Putin's abs ass. And all disputes between our two countries should be settle with ab-offs.

But, back to serious business now. Nothing to see here! Move along! Enjoy the golfing pictures. Aren't they great? What? No, I don't want to discuss the shirtless pictures. YES, I'm aware I posted them. They're from TMZ and he's allegedly doing the laundry on his washboard abs, they joked. (Shirtless tip from Gawker, of course.)

They were taken along with several others of the family at the vacation home by gossip site Bauer-Griffin. It was a nightmare just to view the few pictures I did on their blog, (the site is all kinds of not working today), but it's worth it. There are tons of pictures on there. Although, if both the Washington Press corps and the paparazzi are all going to stalk the Obamas at once this is going to be an odd presidency.

Christmas In Hawaii

As we all know, the Obama familial quartet boarded the plane to sunny Hawaii for the holidays.

Those lucky duckies.

While I freeze my ass off in St. Louis, feel free to enjoy what little I've found so far of the family heading to Hawaii and their arrival this weekend.

They couldn't get out of there soon enough. My sister lived in Chicago for several years and to this day temperatures that would chill a normal person are like a spring day to her.

The Rick Warren Debate

President-Elect Barack "No Drama" Obama opened up a giant can of what the hell this week, when it was announced that controversial evangelical pastor, Rev. Rick Warren of the Saddleback Church, would give the invocation at the inauguration.

Warren, quite famously, is against gay marriage and came out for California's Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage. The ballot proposition was pushed after the courts declared it discriminatory to allow heterosexuals the right of marriage but not homosexuals. Naturally, all kinds of people have cried foul, most notably in the gay, lesbian, transgendered community, as well as a host of Liberals and progressives. And while I understand what Obama is trying to do here (re: be inclusive, reach out to evangelicals), there are a host of evangelical ministers he could have invited to the big show who wouldn't have arrived with nearly as much baggage.

"My blood pressure is really high right now," said Rev. Chuck Currie, minister at Parkrose Community United Church of Christ in Portland, Oregon. "Rick Warren does some really good stuff and there are some areas that I have admired his ability to build bridges between evangelicals and mainline religious and political figures... but he is also very established in the religious right and his position on social issues like gay rights, stem cell research and women's rights are all out of the mainstream and are very much opposed to the progressive agenda that Obama ran on. I think that he is very much the wrong person to put on the stage with the president that day."

Warren does have a rather peculiar relationship with the incoming president. The two share a general ethos that political differences should not serve as impediments to progress. On topics like AIDS and poverty relief, they see eye-to-eye. But Warren's domestic and social agendas are at odds with Obama's. And for the gay and lesbian community in particular, the choice is a bitter pill to swallow.

"Pastor Warren, while enjoying a reputation as a moderate based on his affable personality and his church's engagement on issues like AIDS in Africa, has said that the real difference between James Dobson and himself is one of tone rather than substance," read a statement from People For the American Way President Kathryn Kolbert. "He has repeated the Religious Right's big lie that supporters of equality for gay Americans are out to silence pastors. He has called Christians who advance a social gospel Marxists. He is adamantly opposed to women having a legal right to choose an abortion." (Huffington Post)

Warren is sort of in the running for that unofficial position of "national spiritual leader," a la Billy Graham. That particular evangelical minister attended 10 inaugurations (almost all of them) since President Dwight Eisenhower. He also showed up for other big events like the occasional "bless the war" ceremony. It's a nice, influential position and with Graham old and sickly, there is some chatter about who will step into his shoes. Since it's not the sort of thing you can apply for, all you can do is do your darnedest to hop on any and all hot topics that would put you in the middle of the political fray. Warren did this during the election, hosting a debate of sorts where Warren sat down individually with Obama and his opponent John McCain and shot the shit.

Mama Snob joked that Obama might as well have picked Rev. Jeremiah Wright or Father Michael Phleger if his intent was to have a good, vocal minority of people go into pique. (I offered up Jesse n' Al, too, as all parties suggested would equally piss off someone, or everyone, at once.) But I'd argue that it was easier to pick someone who would irk Liberals and progressives because there has been a long-standing knowledge that you can push pinkos around because the modern right wing is so far right we truly have no other place to go.

Unless we're going to all start voting for Ralph Nader or something.

Therefore this is the latest indignity to endure.

All I ask is that Warren remembers that the inauguration is about the presidency, not CONTROVERSIAL CULTURE WAR ISSUE OF THE DAY, and will just give the invocation without pissing of 48 percent of the country. The announcement has already distracted and derailed the news cycle. But I think Warren will keep-it-simple-stupid, because he is a smart guy and wants to be Graham's heir apparent. And you don't get to be Graham's heir by being unpalatable, like crazy Pat Robertson or dearly departed but also crazy Jerry Falwell OR by being kind of skeevie, like Creflo Dollar, OR by being too vague, like Joel Osteen.

In a statement Warren recently released, he praised Obama for picking him and kept everything on message.

I commend President-elect Obama for his courage to willingly take enormous heat from his base by inviting someone like me, with whom he doesn't agree on every issue, to offer the Invocation at his historic Inaugural ceremony.

Hopefully individuals passionately expressing opinions from the left and the right will recognize that both of us have shown a commitment to model civility in America.

The Bible admonishes us to pray for our leaders. I am honored by this opportunity to pray God's blessing on the office of the President and its current and future inhabitant, asking the Lord to provide wisdom to America's leaders during this critical time in our nation's history.

So while I wouldn't have gone for someone who equated homosexuality with incest and pedophillia, in the end, I think everything will be fine. On the left, people will be offended. On the right people will be confused. (Many are wondering why Warren would give this sort of "endorsement" to someone who is pro-abortion, pro-gay rights. But, obviously, Warren has a plan too.) And if it were me, I probably would have picked someone who either no one's ever heard of, was a 1960s Civil Rights activist or Osteen because I'm a punk and would not have wanted something as silly as pastor pickin' to become the drama-rama du jour on Hardball. But that's me. How did Obama's latest pastor pick sit with you?

And what IS IT WITH THIS MAN AND PASTORS? I know he's church shopping in Washington, D.C. Maybe he should let someone else pick this time. I'm sure someone in D.C. can point him and Michelle to the least controversial, all Jesus all, the time, Christian church in D.C.

BTW: As if to balance out Warren, Civil Rights activist, pastor and pro-gay rights Liberal Rev. Joe Lowery is giving the beneditcion. Lowery is best known of late for using the Coretta Scott King's funeral to call out President Bush. Another moment in the Bush presidency that was hilarious, although (like with the shoe throwing) it was pretty rude to use a funeral to bash our craptastic president. That didn't mean I didn't laugh, but ... dude. There was a funeral going on.

Hustlenomics*: Inappropriately Hot Young Obama Picture Is Already A T-Shirt!

And its available for you for the low, low price of $22 (plus shipping and handling).

As I wrote last month, the economy and the election of Barack Obama have spawned a perfect storm for the hardworking hustlemen and women of North America.

You see them everywhere selling their hastily created Obama-themed wares. And they move FAST! Why, it was just Wednesday when Time Magazine released those smokity-smoke-smoke-hot pictures of a young, college Kid Creole Obama and the hustle people are already cracking away. This time with an unwilling "this thing looks like that thing" assist from Bambu Rolling Papers. Only, no one slid Bambu any "papers" for using bastardized versions of their images, so they're calling the lawyers.

Soooo ... get 'em while they're legal!

*Is "Hustlenomics" a class at Columbia yet? And if not, why? And if you're a economist looking for a trendy book idea with a cute title, this could be your "Freakanomics" only with flea market pushers, bootleggers and masters of Photoshop and I'm just giving it away!

Time Magazine's Inappropriately Hot, Semi-Pro Smoking Young Obama Pictorial

Time Magazine named Barack Obama "Person of the Year (duh)," but put up these gorgeous photos taken in 1980 when Obama was in college. The photos were done by a student/aspiring photographer who asked if he'd sit for some black and white pictures so she could use them in her portfolio. How insanely cool does he look here? The hat, man! The hat! It's INSANE, I tell you. He's Sammy, Dino, Frankie Blue-Eyes and Joey Bishop, Kool and the Gang meets a hot black nerd sandwich, hand-rolled into a ciggy and smoked. *Head exploded!*

Some Insist Obama Isn't Black, The Snob Insists These People Are Idiots

From The Associated Press:

Pride is the center of racial identity, and some white people seem insulted by a perception that Obama is rejecting his white mother (even though her family was a centerpiece of his campaign image-making) or baffled by the notion that someone would choose to be black instead of half-white.

"He can't be African-American. With race, white claims 50 percent of him and black 50 percent of him. Half a loaf is better than no loaf at all," Ron Wilson of Plantation, Fla., wrote in a letter to the Sun-Sentinel newspaper.

Attempts to whiten Obama leave a bitter taste for many African-Americans, who feel that at their moment of triumph, the rules are being changed to steal what once was deemed worthless _ blackness itself.

"For some people it's honestly confusion," said Favor, the Dartmouth professor. "For others it's a ploy to sort of reclaim the presidency for whiteness, as though Obama's blackness is somehow mitigated by being biracial."

Then there are the questions remaining from Obama's entry into national politics, when some blacks were leery of this Hawaiian-born newcomer who did not share their history.

Linda Bob, a black schoolteacher from Eustis, Fla., said that calling Obama black when he was raised in a white family and none of his ancestors experienced slavery could cause some to ignore or forget the history of racial injustice.

"It just seems unfair to totally label him African-American without acknowledging that he was born to a white mother," she said. "It makes you feel like he doesn't have a class, a group."

1) People should be allowed to DEFINE THEMSELVES. Barack Obama is an American. He is biracial, but traditionally our country has viewed anyone with African heritage or appearance is a black person. A lot of this happy talk is talk. People are still bombarded with ethnic politics where biracial people are asked to "pick a side." More are fighting against it, but the reality is still there.

2) Being black does not mean you don't have white blood or that you're denying your white background, especially since the vast majority of black Americans are "mixed" to some degree.

3) Obama has already said he views himself as a black person, as an African American. So, seriously, why is this even being debated? Obama already had this internal debate and made the decision years ago. He's a black person of mixed heritage like ... gasp ... nearly every black person in America. He simply has more immediate ties to Africa.

4) Did I mention that biracial and multi-ethnic people should be able to define themselves and that race is an illusion created to separate people? Because it is.

5) You can't have it both ways and you can't change the rules in the middle of the game. Individuals who would never see Obama as anything but black are lying to themselves (and others) when they say things like, he could say he was white if he wanted to. Or, he's more white than black. Ahem ... how do you even measure the quantities of white ethnicity in a person? And this is America. Are we just going to pretend like the past 250 years didn't happen? Because Obama isn't and neither is any other person with black heritage that I know. Even if they prefer other labels, like mixed or biracial or multi-ethnic, they know the politics of ethnicity in America. It is what it is. Don't play naive and pretend like it could be something else.

This is what it is.

RuPaul IS RuBama!!!

Heee-larious, plus all kinds of fierce. Much better than Tyra's Michelle O. impersonation from this fall. And RuPaul beats her down from both sides, working that dress we all hated! But then, I'm biased. I love me some RuPaul. You betta work!

The only down side to this will be the lazy "Michelle is a man" jokes that will develop from this. Lame! Can't we simply enjoy some crazy RuPaul without the rudeness? He, and his fabulous drag persona, would NOT approve. (TMZ)

Kennedy Wants Clinton's Senate Seat, But Some Cry Foul. Is All Fair In Politicis and Kennedys?

After more than a week of does she or doesn't she chatter, Obama supporter and childhood education activist Caroline Kennedy has made her intentions for Hillary Clinton's New York senate more clear. The New York Times recently wrote that Kennedy wants the job.

Some are surprised. Kennedy has spent nearly all of her life out of the political fray. While her cousins ran for office, she worked on her charities, wrote and edited books and mostly remained a political wallflower/family symbol as the only surviving child of President John F. Kennedy. While educated and politically curious, she simply didn't seem interested and who could blame her? Her entire family tree is littered with politicians, some successful, some not, some who like their Ambien and alcohol too much and some who faced an untimely demise.

Politics is an ugly business and you have to be one part Messiah complex, one part biggest ego in the world to withstand the dramarama that surrounds it. You have to be think you're Allen Iverson, that you're "The Answer" to the problems of your constituents. That you can deliver ... hopefully better than Iverson.

This is a compliment to Kennedy in the fact that I, quite honestly, did not think she had the ego for it.

Kennedy sank her gigantic familial chompers in for a huge bite of the political apple this year when she threw her reputation and last name behind Barack Obama for president. Apparently she is hungry for more.

But not everyone is skipping down Camelot memory lane. Especially those who supported Hillary Clinton in her presidential run (and that was the vast majority of New York Democrats), those who feel they've politely worked hard and waited their turn (that would be another family name, Cuomo, as in NY State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo) and those who involuntarily roll their eyes upon hearing the name Kennedy.

The United States of America doesn't have a monarchy, but that doesn't stop Americans to choosing to worship the political dynasties of their liking. The Republicans love the Bushes. Democrats still overwhelmingly love the Kennedys.

But the Kennedys are shrouded in desire and mystique because of when they came to political prominence and the life altering events that surrounded them. You can't get a much bigger backdrop than the 1960s, defined by war, civil unrest, injustice, violence, youth movements/youth culture and ideological warfare. If you couldn't make a name for yourself that decade it simply couldn't be done. But two assassinations shared by one political family was enough to wrap the Kennedy name up in romance. And so the name came to embody a certain American mythology. While the story is rooted in truth, the Kennedys are just people, extremely rich and influential people, but if all the boys and their alcohol/drug/women troubles have taught us anything, they are flawed.

A last name doesn't guarantee greatness.

But I suppose my larger point is -- why? Why does Caroline Kennedy want this job? Is this about the people, the party or the family name? Or is it all three? Are their individuals more qualified? Actress/activist Fran Drescher, quite strangely, wants the job. A reader floated Harold Ford Jr.'s name to me as a possible appointee for Clinton's seat. He was a supporter of her and has become more of a New Yorker, leaving his native Tennessee and his father's sphere of influence. (Yet another case for nepotism, but in New York the Ford name has less tread.)

Rev. Al Sharpton as endorsed Kennedy, yet a New York Democrat has compared Kennedy to "J. Lo," in the regard that they both have name recognition. How does this affect New York Governor David Paterson, who has to make this choice? Kennedy could definitely pull the money needed to hold the seat in 2010. And she has the name recognition. After all, Paterson would also be up for election in 2010 and it wouldn't hurt to have some attention grabber on the ticket, but ... what is this?

I was hoping Kennedy wouldn't want the job because you can't talk about Caroline Kennedy as a politician without talking about her family, specifically the mix of martyrs, tragedies and fuck ups that make up the Kennedy political graveyard. And Kennedy has no other political history to discuss other than the family history, turning us all into vulture voyers yet again. And people complain about "affirmative action" when it involves us at the bottom of the class warfare food chain, but isn't the potential Kennedy appointment the more classic case of "affirmative action?" As in, her last name is Kennedy therefore everyone acted affirmatively in her appointment?

I'm not saying Kennedy's not qualified. Qualifications for all elected offices are bare bones to make it easier for anyone to run. She's highly intelligent and politically astute and is easily the most likeable Kennedy, but 90 percent of her likeability is based in the fact that she is an activist who raises money for charities. She's seems nice and is non-controversial. But it's hard to get excited about this unless you like reruns. This isn't a "Great Gastby" scenario of the self-made politico, like Barack Obama or Bill Clinton, who had no name, money or status to trade for power. This is romance based on an old, doomed relationship in hopes it will be like the love before.

Will this be love redux or is Gov. Paterson about to potentially pass over better contenders to please those who can't get over our lack of monarchy? Is there someone else who would be better for the job? The answer is probably yes, but I'm almost positive that if Kennedy wants the seat it is truly hers to be had.

The name is still in demand.

SNL's Fred Armisen Returns To The Snob's Bad Side

1) The biggest crime here is that this is a craptastic impression of New York's governor. I mean, really, he doesn't sound shit like David Paterson. Fred Armisen is officially just screwing with me now.

2) And is he really going to play every non-fat, notorious black man? Because he sincerely isn't good at it. Really. Darrell Hammond, a white man, does an outstanding Jesse Jackson impression despite the handicap of not being an actual black man. Almost makes me forget how annoyed I am over SNL not employing any black people. That's how good it is. Almost.

So what is your DEAL, Fred? Why are your black people so lame? I thought we were getting somewhere with the last Obama "Cool" sketch. I really thought you were improving. And now this abomination.

3) It goes without saying that Lorne Michael's needs to DIVERSIFY his staff, but ... whatever. We all know SNL isn't Mad TV and when they do hire any minorities they don't know what to do with them, and by "minorities" I mean the occasional black person, half black person, Latino and whatever Fred Armisen is (I believe he's part Lebanese). Asians Bobby Lee and Aasif Manvi need not apply.

If they're not going to take the integrated world seriously I don't know why they just won't make the whole show Kristen Wiig and Andy Samberg. Or just Andy Samberg. Or just this digital skit here, shown in a loop for perpetuity. (I also love this one, and this one, and this holiday themed one and especially this one.)

4) New Jersey bashing: The one liners and put downs were funny, but, once again, what did that have to do with David Paterson?

5) Gov. Paterson has a lot of funny things about him that are fair game (some of which he, himself, has made fun of). While the Mr. Magoo shit Armisen did was in poor taste, I wasn't surprised because this is comedy. Mocking the blind gets cheap laughs. But the real thing that annoyed me was how they made it seem like Paterson couldn't do his job. No one as far as I've heard or read has ever said Paterson was unprepared to take on the job. Both Democrats and Republicans and Illinois were pretty happy to see him take the post because Paterson is considered to be highly intelligent, self-deprecating and pragmatic. Alluding that he's incompetent to do his job even though he was dully elected as the replacement for former New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer, made no sense.

Much like how Armisen's original portrayal of Barack as a clueless neophyte didn't make any sense based on who Obama is and how he actually carries himself. But maybe this is the default here. All black politicians are comically unprepared even if they are not in real life. Insert joke.

Hardy, har-har! Lame, SNL! Lame, Fred Armisen! LAME!!!

Attempted Presidential Assault With A Deadly Shoe

The interpreters said the reporter (who was once kidnapped and tortured by Shiite militiamen) was yelling "This is a farewell kiss, you dog," but I always heard him yelling, "King Imperialist, Incurious George, you ruined my country! SHOE TO THE FACE!"

What a way to end the presidency. Poor George is never going to live the indignity of nearly catching a loafer to the noggin. Of course almost catching a shoe to the face is probably the closest President Numbnuts is going to get to "accountability" or "justice" for being a major fucktard with a Messiah complex who had the opposite of the Midas Touch.

I call it the "Turdblossom Touch." He everything he touched to turned into turds.

But, you know? Whatever. I've accepted the fact he's going to live out his days in Dallas trying to convince people he was just trying to keep us safe, not just trying to keep that oil safe. Some are calling for the release of reporter Muntadar al-Zeidi, a correspondent for Al-Baghdadia television, and Iraqi reaction is mixed with some all "No! Shoe throwing is totally UNCOOL, man" and others "SHOE TO THE FACE, MFers!"

From AP:

In Baghdad's Shiite slum of Sadr City, supporters of radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr called for protests against Bush and demanded the release of the reporter. Thousands took to the streets Monday, chanting, "Bush, Bush, listen well: Two shoes on your head."

Georgie Porgy was full of jokes, per usual, equating the shoe throwing to a freedom shoe throwing, or whatever glib thing he said that glossed over realities like being a kidnapped and tortured journalist, or having al-Qaida backers kill your family, or having your schools and businesses blown up, or seeing dead bodies fill the streets as neighborhoods were ethnically cleansed, or watching friends and family flee to Syria and Jordan to escape the bloodshed. You know? That shit.

But, who cares! It's presidential stand up time!

Talking to a small group of reporters after the incident, Bush said, "I didn't know what the guy said, but I saw his sole." He told the reporters that "you were more concerned than I was. I was watching your faces."

"I'm pretty good at ducking, as most of you know," Bush joked, adding quickly that "I'm talking about ducking your questions."

Oh, someday it'll be funny? Right? Right?

Black, For Your Displeasure: Blackbird, the Negro-Pandering Internet Browser

Did you know there's a new Web browser that's exactly like Firefox, but now all "Negro-ed" up for our pleasure? Yes! Yes there is! And it's called Blackbird! And it is DUMB. Amazingly dumb. Especially considering it is exactly like Firefox only it's black-colored and has some black interest Web sites built into the bookmarks.

Let Adrian Covert of Gizmodo explain:

Wait, why do I need a special web browser? I mean, I get there's been a long standing digital divide between black America and the technological world (controlled by The Man). But do I really need a repackaged piece of software whose name evokes the Jim Crow era?

Maybe 40A, Inc. (the creator of Blackbird) meant well with Blackbird, but it comes off as a lazy marketing ploy that plays on the emotions of people who are (admittedly) still marginalized when it comes to the online world. And playing along with the notion that blacks and whites (or anyone, for that matter) can't enjoy any of the same things, is the same retarded line of antiquated, ethno-centric thinking that the internet is supposed to destroy. Blah.

Blah, indeed!

Nothing like some old fashioned, take an existing product, wrap it in Kente cloth and try to sell it to me scheme! Haven't seen one of those in a while. Just dip the white Barbie in brown paint. No one will even know the difference!

But as long as we're "colorizing" products that are colorless, here are some other product suggestions that could use some blackening up!

• Feminine Hygiene products -- Black women shouldn't have to use products with such Westernized names. Fuck Summer's Eve. Give me Africa's Dawn! I want to smell like the MOTHERLAND every 28 days!

• Fabric Softener -- because Downy is a sell-out softener. Bounce, not as bad, but still kind of supporting the white patriarchy. What about Homey the Fabric Softener? It would have Damon Wayon's face on it. The commercials he could beat the softness into your clothes with that dirty black sock from the old "In Living Color" comedy bit. I'd bet he'd do it for cheap too.
  

• Baby food -- Gerber almost never has a Negro baby on that bottle. Besides, there's no turnip greens, pig's feet or sweet potato flavored baby food. I don't want my baby eating no mashed peas unless it's mashed black-eye peas!

• Condoms -- Black! For her pleasure! Wait. Do "Rough Riders" count as "black" condoms?
  

• Cable TV Packages -- There are too many "white" channels on my basic cable. Where's my special "black package" that comes with nothing but 10 different flavors of BET, VH-1, MTV, ESPN, TV One, CNN, TNT and HBO? And it should have a special version of TV Land that shows nothing but The Jeffersons, Good Times and Sanford & Son. And don't forget my BET Starz where I can watch all 15 versions of Trois, including Trois Goes to the Inauguration: Welcome to The Freaknik of Hope, starring Tyrin Turner and Jill Marie Jones, featuring Wesley Snipes in his BET Starz original film debut as "Rob Johnston," billionaire owner of the Black Broadcasting Network who gives Turner and Henson an "indecent proposal" after getting "four thumbs down" from the President-elect and Mrs. Obama.
  

• Pain killers -- for those racially tinged headaches you get when your co-workers won't stop touching your hair!

• Handguns -- they could come with rapper's endorsements. 50 Cent brand 9MMs. They could come in different colors to match your outfits. Special grips so they stay secure to your sweat pants if you're a certain nightclub hopping, shoot-yourself-in-the-leg football star. They could come bedazzled in diamonds and rhinestones. More bling for your bang! They would practically sell themselves!

• Alcohol -- Wait ... never mind. Ripple, anyone?

Extreme Obama: Almost Wrecking Your Car Edition

Yet another story for the "When Obama Love Gets Kooky" file.

From Thursday's Chicago Sun-Times:

As Obama’s motorcade made his way to a downtown news conference this morning, some drivers traveling north on Lake Shore Drive responded to the police escort by pulling over to the right until the parade of vehicles passed. Others kept moving.

One driver wanted to document the passing, and got to multi-tasking. Upon realizing that the president-elect was in the next lane, the female driver of a red Chevy blazer, appearing to to chat excitedly on her cell phone, sped up, snapped a picture, inadvertently changed lanes and nearly smashed into another car.

Must’ve been a supporter.

The story also mentioned that the woman, who was African American, was driving a car with an Alabama plate and an Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. vanity plate. Earlier this year the AKAs extended an honorary membership to future First Lady, Michelle Obama.

On one hand, totally understand home girl's excitement. That's the president-elect in the other lane! But on the other hand, girlfriend, show some self-control before you kill people on Lake Shore. Live to skee-wee another day!

Randomness: Granny Snob Wants Great-GrandSnobs, Wonders Why I'm Not Mrs. Obama

In light of my most recent post on interracial dating I found it hilarious that my grandmother, the unsinkable Granny Snob, (pictured on the left) called me early this afternoon to inform me (yet again) that I needed to have children. This is not the first time she has done this. This is part of an ongoing series in conversations with her where she reminds me of how old I am and how I need to give her some grandbabies.

Now mind you, she has tons of grandchildren and great-grandchildren on account having nine children of her own, most of whom married, then had kids who in turn produced children as well. But none of her eldest daughter's children, my dear Mama Snob, have kids. We're not even married. And for some reason she enjoys yelling at me about this, but not my sisters.

But what was different about today's conversation was the "Rainbow Coalition" tone and the new Barack Obama spin on today's conversation.

GRANNY SNOB: So how's the boyfriend coming?

THE BLACK SNOB: What? I don't have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Didn't you say you were dating some preacher's son or someone you went to school with or something?

TBS: Um ... no.

GRANNY SNOB: I thought you or your mama told me that?

TBS: Unless you know something I don't, I don't have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, what's the matter? What's taking so long?

TBS: I just haven't met anybody.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, I need some grandbabies!

TBS: You have grandbabies! I'm your grandbaby!

GRANNY SNOB: No. I want to see your baby. I want to see you have a baby that looks just like your father! We need another (Papa Snob)! And don't wait around for some black dude. If you can't find a black dude then just marry a white!

This was the point at which I was somewhat surprised, considering I'm pretty sure Granny Snob still uses the word "Peckerwood" with high frequency and for decades has been the opposite of enthusiastic for interracial coupling. But as the conversation continued I was able to see what may have sparked this "revolution" in her mind.

TBS: OK.

GRANNY SNOB: I mean it! The white women are taking all the crazy black dudes. I don't know why.

TBS: Well, if they're crazy then they can have them.

GRANNY SNOB: There are white men out there marrying black women. And I don't know why you didn't get Obama! You should have gotten Obama!

TBS: I'm pretty sure I was elementary school when he met Michelle, Granny. I don't think I had a shot at ten.

GRANNY SNOB: He's not that old! I heard he was only 40!

TBS: He's 47. And when was I supposed to meet him? I was still wearing Wonder Woman underoos.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, you should have gotten Obama, but I guess that's too late.

TBS: Um ... yeah.

GRANNY SNOB: Don't waste time. You need to find somebody. I'm afraid you're going to wait until I've taken my final rest for you to have a baby and I want to see it!

And I hate it when she does this because I really do want her to be with us if I get married and have a family, but does she have to play the "I'm 80! I could die tomorrow!" card all the time? She's been pulling this card since she turned 60.

TBS: OK. I'll try.

GRANNY SNOB: I don't care what Mama and Daddy say. They want grandbabies too! And don't wait for a black dude. Marry a white if you have to! I'm serious! I don't know what's wrong with black folks.

TBS: OK. I love you, Granny!

___________________________

I pretty much giggled through the whole conversation because what were the odds that this week would be the week she would unveil her new "marry a white guy" strategy to get some great-grandchildren out of me. But with a biracial president and Granny Snob reading the same dire statistics as every black woman, her obsession with me producing a preferably male child who resembles my daddy (who she adores without question) is paramount.

I still don't know how I was supposed to snag Barack in my Garanimals, (and if I could've, he'd be in prison, not president!) but this is my grandmother. I love the fact that she thinks I could have been the First Lady even though I'm not from Chicago and there is a 16 year age difference. Love that Granny Snob. She thinks I have the skills to mack on the president. Now if you don't mind, I have to go stalk some men and ask bluntly on first dates "Are you going to give my grandmother some grandbabies who look like Papa Snob, because if not, you're wasting our time. She's 80. She could take her final nap any day now!"

Dying For Dollars

There are jobs that people take on, like becoming a police officer, firefighter or soldier, where you know there's a good chance you could die while at work. You know this. Everyone knows this.

That's why there are fund raisers for the families of those who have lost husbands and wives in shootings, fires fights or in Iraq and Afghanistan. They were doing dangerous work that saves and protects people. You could say you can never pay someone enough for that.

Then there are the jobs that aren't worth dying over -- for anyone. Your minimum wage, "not my problem" jobs. Horrible, sometimes hard, sometimes mundane jobs that happen to many people at some point in their lives. There are no benefits. The hours can be brutal. But you need the cash for yourself or your families, so you put up with it. And if someone ever put a gun in your face for the register you give them the cash because -- seriously -- you're not dying for $7 an hour.

But the reality is many people working low paying service jobs do find themselves, unwillingly, in the line of fire and some do wind up dying for simply showing up at work that day. And it is in these tales of ordinary people who get killed working mundane jobs where you learn why and how corporations, and people serviced by them, get their reputations as being cold, soulless entities.

Take the case of Taneka Talley.

In March of 2006 she was stocking shelves at a Dollar Tree in Fairfield, Calif. when a man came into the store and shot and killed her. According to California law, businesses have to pay death benefits to the families of people who lose their lives while on the job, with an exception for employees killed by individuals they have a "personal" relationship with, i.e. spouses who kill their husbands or wives at work. But Dollar Tree contested paying Talley's 11-year-old son death benefits because Talley is black and was killed by a white man who said he was looking to kill a black person that day.

He just happened to choose Talley.

In the eyes of the lawyers for Dollar Tree and their insurance company, that counted as a "personal relationship." That act of extreme racism that lead to murder was tantamount to an abusive spouse executing their not-so-loved one. Now facing a boycott, a court case that they stand a good chance at losing and some extremely ugly press, Dollar Tree is offering to pay the full benefits.

Of course they are. It only took them two years.

In a statement Monday, Dollar Tree said it was acting voluntarily because "we feel this is the right thing to do." But a lawyer for Talley's mother and guardian of her 11-year-old son said the company was clearly responding to the public anger that followed news coverage of the case.

"I think they would like this to be done with," attorney Moira Stagliano said. "The media helped settle this claim."

Stagliano said she's optimistic about resolving the case but isn't there yet. "What they have offered is not quite the full value," and negotiations are continuing, she said. (San Franscico Chronicle)

Then we have the more recent tragedy of Jdimytai Damour, the temporary worker trampled to death on "Black Friday" at a Long Island Wal-Mart.

The store was set to open early at 5 a.m. but not early enough for the shoppers who smashed the glass doors and ran right over Damour to get their discounted Nintendo Wiis and digital cameras.

His death was so profound for Wal-Mart that they had to close for a few hours, but somehow were able to put the grief aside and ... those brave little soldiers ... reopen the store when Damour's body wasn't even cold earlier that same afternoon. Who knows if the other employees working that day even got to grieve in those few hours the store was closed. Never mind the fact that some shoppers refused to stop shopping as Damour's body remained on the floor. Even when the cops asked them to leave they were indignant. They'd been waiting outside all night, after all, and needed to buy their cheap crap. Who cares if someone died in their pursuit of manufactured bliss? He was just a temporary worker with family and friends who loved him and affectionately called him "Jimbo" for short.

Obviously not human.

Or at least not deserving of any dignity and humanity in death. Not when the game of death for dollars is being played in America. Four other shoppers, including a pregnant woman, were also injured in the melee.

Damour's family is now suing Wal-Mart because ... well, who can blame them? They obviously weren't prepared to handle the 2,000 person mob that spelled Damour's demise. Many believe he was placed at the door because he was so big and tall (Damour was 6-foot-5 and weighed 270 pounds), and that his death was a combination of "mob mentality," poor crowd control and Wal-Mart's low, low prices.

(Terry) Hemeyer, who also teaches marketing, public relations and advertising at the University of Texas at Austin, places the onus on retailers to prevent such accidents. He said that throughout history, consumers have been attacking each other to get sale items that are in short supply, even when people are lined up waiting for the doors to open.

Hemeyer, who made a point not to attack Wal-Mart, said if store managers don't understand the "herd mentality," then they are not doing their jobs.

"In other words," he said, "if you do something that the doors open at 8 and that's when the sales start and it's a limited supply, I think that's a formula for a problem because everybody has to be there at the same time." (Houston Chronicle)

Pictures of Damour, a 34-year-old Jamaican, were rarely seen as this story was reported on in the press. Even online it's hard to find an article about him. Most stories focus on Wal-Mart or whether our society is decaying because people are dying for cheap Chinese-made goods at big box retailers. But people have always died working retail. It doesn't happen often, but ask anyone who works at a gas station, liquor store, late night diner or fast food restaurant or 7-11 how they feel about their safety and you'll know that you don't have to be a police officer to face death at work.

I just hope Wal-Mart, which doesn't have the best record on this, does the right thing in Damour's case. If not out of the goodness of the heart I know Wal-Mart doesn't have, out of the the good PR they would get in a time where Wal-Mart is blamed for pretty much ever evil in our society. It's true he was a temporary worker, but he died for their dollars.

Let them know why they should care.

To contact Dollar Tree, click here.
To contact Wal-Mart, click here.

Fat Like Me: Oprah Is Big Again (And Not In the Manner She Prefers)

I wonder why she had to announce it? She's on TV everyday. You can see that she's gained the weight back. Wait. She has a magazine to sell. Never mind. (Read her story here.)

That said, as a person who also struggles with weight and diet, I feel for Oprah. (All that rich just won't buy her thin!) This also reminded me of one of my internal conflicts in regards to weight and the black woman. Obesity is a huge problem in the black community. One of the most common stereotypes of black women are that we are loud, unladylike, rude and horribly fat. Even though most people judge me by my intellect and charm, with me not being a size zero there is always a voice in the back of my head telling me not to lose weight because of my health or because I'll feel better, but because I don't want to be the stereotype.

Once again, everything about blackness is woefully political. Even my fat cells. Very, very annoying. I try to remind myself that I'm already refuting a stereotype by existing. I don't need to be a size two to drive the point home. But the psychology of being black in America and dealing with negative images often means you spend a lot of time fighting the ignorance clogging up your own head.

That, and the public has issues with fat people to begin with, so it's pretty easy to develop a complex and about ten or twelve eating disorders.

Damali Ayo's Vision Finally Becomes A Reality

Black professional party girl Genevieve Jones with Alex Logsdail and Kate Werble at the Guggenheim Young Collectors Council 2007 Artist's Ball, New York, 13 December 2007. (Photo from Art Review by Tyler Coburn)

Yes, Virginia, you CAN Rent-A-Negro for your holiday party! Yes you can!

From Gawker:

Now that Obama has been elected, a tipster inside a PR firm tells us, clients are demanding "an increased number of African Americans added to the guest list" at their holiday parties. In the spirit of hope! The email can't really be "verified," but appears genuine and is just too important not to share. This firm has even assembled an official internal "Diversified Holiday Guest List," in which they rank the top 10 acceptable black socialite attendees, in order of desirability. Uh... yes we can?

Yes. Bringing your new, sparkly, hopeful (and paid for) black BFF to a swanky holiday function is now the fresh, dope, chill thing to do. After all, you can't purport to live in the post-racial era if it's still just you, Heidi Montag and the rest of the Gossip Girl crowd at the party getting tipsy on Cosmos, Mojitos, Mochatinis and Manhattans. That's not post-racial at all. But paying black socialites Genevieve Jones and Maggie Betts to hold back your hair while you hurl is the bee's knees! No one will ever accuse you of being racist again. And how could you be? You paid black people to be at your party! You're the Rainbow Coalition and a United Colors of Benetton ad French kissing Barack Obama rolled into U2's "One!"

All of this made me think of Damali Ayo's oft misunderstood, satirical/socio-political Web site and book, both entitled "How To Rent A Negro." On the site Ayo offered rates for blackness rental for everything from having living proof that you can't be racist because you have black friends to charing $100 for "hair touching."

Created back in 2003, it's almost like Ayo fortolled of the Obama era, where black people would finally be paid for answering annoying questions ("Do you tan?") and being told you look just like that one other black person the clueless tool you work with knows.

On my Facebook page I described this all as falling back into the appropriation of ourselves for our "uniqueness," re: "not whiteness," we have going. I basically said we're furniture. Black people have a history of being treated like furniture (or horses or luggage or pick your object that can be bought and sold), but it's only been in recent history where we've been able to cash in on this phenomenon. So, like Ayo joked -- half seriously -- if people are going to appropriate your cool the least you can do is get a check out of it. Think of all the times we were the only Negro at the party for free?

But remember these wise words from a fictional stripper named Diamond, my would-be rental social black butterflies -- make that money, but don't let the money make you.

Now if you don't mind, I need to put up my "Rent A Black Snob" service where I will gladly go to your parties and insult/mock your blackness impaired friends, all in a faux upper crusty accent!

Fun for everyone!

Give Us Our Bike Already!!!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Clusterf#@k to the Poor House - President Goofus and President Gallant

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

He Makes Your Crappy Governor Look Good

Gov. Hot Rod goes down! ... And on the way out manages to poop on an otherwise wondrous Obama-riffic election.

CHICAGO — Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich of Illinois was arrested by federal authorities on Tuesday morning on corruption charges, including an allegation that he conspired to effectively sell President-elect Barack Obama’s seat in the United States Senate to the highest bidder.

Mr. Blagojevich, a Democrat, called his sole authority to name Mr. Obama’s successor “golden,” and he sought to parlay it into a job as an ambassador or secretary of health and human services, or a high-paying position at a nonprofit or an organization connected to labor unions, prosecutors said in a 76-page affidavit by the United States Attorney’s office in the Northern District of Illinois.

He also suggested, the affidavit said, that in exchange for the Senate appointment, his wife could be placed on corporate boards where she might earn as much as $150,000 a year, and he tried to gain promises of money for his campaign fund.

If Mr. Blagojevich could not secure a deal to his liking, prosecutors said, he was willing to appoint himself.

“If I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself,” the governor said in recorded conversation, prosecutors said. (Source: New York Times)

Classy!

Our bi-state neighbor Illinois has always been the City Mouse to Missouri's Country Mouse. Largely because Illinois is home to Chicago, the third largest city in the United States. We in St. Louis could have been Chicago about 100 years ago when we were the fourth largest city in the US, but we got all protectionist about some damn ferry boat traffic and the railroads expanded rapidly and the rest is history.

It's not that we don't have corruption in Missouri. Heavens to Murgatroid, we do! It's just, our drama always looks so hokey by comparison. For instance, our dorkwad, asshat, boy wonder governor, Matt "Little Boy" Blunt, cut state medical benefits for thousands of Missourians and got caught up in a very Bush-lite email records scandal. He chose not to run for re-election this year, realizing he was going to get owned by the Democratic competitor, former attorney general Jay Nixon. Either that, or there was another scandal under his bed. He wasn't very specific when he declared that he accomplished all he set out to do in a turbulent, effed up three years. 

I don't know. It didn't matter. Nixon won anyway, calling his competition Nanny-Nanny-Blunt-Bush over and over.

Over in City Mouse country, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich has a 76 page indictment that includes everything from shaking down the friggin' Chicago Tribune in a pay-for-play scheme/fire-your-reporters-because-I-hate-their-faces gambit with a little quid pro quo on the state helping out with the media company's sale of the Cubs ... to demanding between half-million to a million dollars in cash, plus an appointment or ambassadorship for President-Elect Barack Obama's vacated senate seat. You know? Because if he couldn't get some scratch he might as well appoint himself. Hint, hint. Wink, wink!

Prosecutors also alleged Blagojevich expressed feeling "stuck" as a sitting governor and spent a large amount of time weighing whether he should appoint himself to the vacancy--possibly to avoid impeachment and help remake his image for a potential 2016 run for the presidency. A recent Tribune poll found Blagojevich with a record low 13 percent job approval rating. (Chicago Tribune)

CNN (among others) are speculating that potential senate appointee who may have balked and tattled on the already embattled Blagojevich was none other than Obama adviser and long-time family friend, Valerie Jarrett. She withdrew her name from consideration and took a job in the White House. And considering the fact the FBI has been working on Blagojevich's brand of Chicago-land politics for some time, this must have been the turd cherry on the shit sundae the federal government has been making in hopes will take down (another) Illinois governor.

But who's surprised that Blagojevich is being accused of this? Illinois has a hit streak going of douchy governors not matter what party they come from, with one presently serving a six year prison sentence. So far Obama is not getting beat up over this. And I'd actually consider him among the "victims" if the tale about Blagojevich trying to get Jarrett to cough up cash for the seat is true. But this will certainly be entertaining. Perhaps Blagojevich didn't want the Republican governor to be in prison alone ... or, this may explain why he was lobbying on former Gov. Ryan's behalf to get a pardon from President George W. Bush. Perhaps Hot Rod knew what was coming down the pike and needed some karma on his side.

Hot Rod's karma came up all kinds of fail though. All kinds.

Barack Totally to Quit Smoking, For Realz This Time

I'm not a smoker and I think smoking is horribly unhealthy, but as someone who lived in California where smokers are persecuted and treated like leapers -- dude, can folks lighten up a little? It's not like he's dropping acid. But for your perusal, further evidence of our Puritanical nature about everything in America. Blame the Calvinists!

From Reuters and Meet The Press this Sunday:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. Barack Obama failed to give a straight answer when asked on a U.S. talkshow on Sunday whether he had managed to quit smoking.

In a country where cigarettes are responsible for one in five deaths and smoking costs tens of billions of dollars in health care, Obama has been under pressure to set an example by giving up his reported two-decade-old habit.

Appearing on NBC's "Meet the Press" program, interviewer Tom Brokaw told Obama he had ducked answering the question during an interview last month with ABC's Barbara Walters.

Noting that the White House was a no-smoking zone, Brokaw asked Obama, "Have you stopped smoking?"

"I have," Obama replied, smiling broadly. "What I said was that there are times where I have fallen off the wagon."

"Wait a minute," Brokaw interjected, "that means you haven't stopped."

"Fair enough," Obama said. "What I would say is that I have done a terrific job under the circumstances of making myself much healthier. You will not see any violations of the rules in the White House."

So, while I'd like the president-elect to kick the habit I'm not going to stalk the man, throwing packages of Nicorette at him.

Disclosure: Granny Snob starting smoking in her 20s, is a cancer and stroke survivor and STILL will not stop smoking and she will tell you where you can go and what you can do to yourself if you tell her she should stop. I love my Granny Snob, but I'm also kind of scared of her. She uses curse words so creatively. If you could murder someone with your mouth she would be a serial killer.

Blog Asks "If Michelle Was White." More Like Could Harold Ford Jr. Get Elected Dogcatcher In Blackland?

The Chicago Tribune's Exploring Race blog has posed the question "What if Michelle Obama was white?" This "well, duh" question has already been explored by most black blogs and the universal answer is that he wouldn't have even been a senator, let alone president.

But they asked anyway, you know, for poops and giggles I suppose and they will likely get some passionate responses (and passionate responses to those responses), but the reality is despite all of our progress in the better acceptance of interracial couples, it's hard to get elected to office when you are a black person married a white person.

Case in point: Former Tennessee Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. who I wrote about earlier this year. A member of our quasi "black aristocracy" (as in he comes from a political family of influence and means), Ford reached prominence on his family name and good looks, then ran a campaign for the senate where he lost by a narrow margin. Some say he was hurt by his religious pandering. Others say he was hurt by a Republican backed commercial that portrayed Ford as a white woman chasing, playboy bunny hound.

Which was kind of, sort of true, but mean/racist because what did that have to do with being a senator? Then Ford married Emily Threlkeld and ALL. KINDS. OF. HELL. broke loose in "Blackland."

Comments from Big Head DC's blog:

"I think he has not given his political career any thought. If he runs for any office again, surely he won’t win. You don’t carry the black vote and marry white. I will never vote for him again."-- Pat, Memphis

"The reason so many blacks are upset is because Harold Ford Jr. has always courted the black vote and black people except when it comes to his marriage. I am sure when he is running for office and goes into the black neighborhoods he will not take his white wife along. This also gives black women the assumption that as black men progress their appreciation of black women decreases. It also gives the impression that they are saying “I have made it and here is my trophy”!!!!!" -- Connie, Memphis

"The only use Harold had for blacks period in the 9th Congressional Dist was votes. After 10 years of his representation we ALL need Anus Reconstruction Surgery. He did a number on us. This young man took Self Serving Politician to a new level." -- Anonymous

And there is this long, over-the-top, angry note which pretty much sums up how well this all went over with some blacks. It essentially accuses Ford of treason, then slaps him around for a perceived slight against Martin Luther King, Jr.:

This couple had the nerve to have their engagement party on MLK’s 40th anniversary marking his assassination in Memphis. This was very disrespectful to the dead leader and to the community. It was insensitive and disrespectful to have an engagement party on this day at all. However adding injury to insult, MLK and his black wife did not make the sacrifices that they did so that well off black men can marry white women as trophies. (Seventy) of black families are being raised by single mothers, which is leading to the deterioration of the country as a whole. Children who are abandoned by their fathers are becoming negative statistics and impacting the entire society. Many black men do not value black women enough to marry them and raise their families, partially due to the after effects of slavery and the medias propaganda that white women are more desirable and should be valued. As a politician this man is supposed to be a role model, by this action he is setting the example that well off black men should abandon their responsibilities to their communities and marry trophy white women who should be valued more than black women. His fiancée is an unattractive woman, with a seemingly mediocre background and would probably never have married an attractive well off man of her own race. So one would get the impression that this is not love, but that he is showcasing a white “trophy” on MLK’s anniversary, which is the height of disrespect and in my opinion shows that he is brainwashed, confused and needs deprogramming. Many people view this marriage as political suicide.

You don't have to be an sociologist or a psychologist to figure out that despite our progress there are a still a lot insecurities in the black community and nothing brings them out more passionately than that shunted feeling black people (especially black women) get when black men who "make it" marry outside their race.

When you're used to getting kicked around it's hard not to take it personal. Even I get that feeling from time-to-time and I like to considering myself pretty egalitarian about the issue. I'm almost two people about it with the logical side of my brain saying people should be judged by their character and can marry whomever they want because their marriage is about them, not me and I wouldn't want someone nosing in my personal business, casting judgment on my intentions.

But my gut wants to strangle Elin Woods.

It's insane because Tiger Woods is not my personal property, so what do I care? Yet I do. This is because I grew up watching black women get unceremoniously dumped all the time. Or seeing them not in the running at all as viable mates. I can't help it. I take it personal, but I temper my response, my logic reminding me that this is NOT about me.

Plus, being a trophy wife isn't exactly an ideal thing, considering a lot of it is hedged on your appearance, but it's the wanting to be desired that gets us. Everyone wants to be desired. Everyone. Especially black women. Hence why being married to a white person, particularly a black man married to a white woman, is a death knell to getting the black vote.

Black women and older black voters make up the bulk of the black vote and they are the ones most likely to not approve due to that giant "I've been personally affronted!" feeling they would have every time they'd see someone like Emily Threlkeld's smiling face. And any smart person running against someone like Ford would use this rift against him, never quite saying he was a sell-out, but would repeatedly question his loyalty to his constituents, arguing that Ford would only serve his own interests, not that of the community.

It just wouldn't work. All things aren't that equal in Blackland yet.

Not that white people are 100 percent comfortable with this notion either. There's a reason why a lot of politicians are as personally boring as possible (straight, married to someone who is not "exotic" in any kind of way, Christian, usually with some kids), because that's what voters what. There are exceptions to the rule (Jeb Bush is married to a Latina -- but then he was governor of Florida, so that probably helped him), but for most politicians the rule of the day is to be married, preferrably within their own ethnicity and religious sect, be Christian, be heterosexual and not to have any kink in the closest that could come out to haunt them.

(Like paid hookers or interns or Euro sex clubs or nasty text messages or cocaine or secret half-black, out-of-wedlock children or male pages or hook-up trolling in airport men's restrooms.)

None of that stuff. Can't have it. Americans are both notorious freaks and prudes all at the same time, hence all the politicians have to at least be able to appear as close to June and Ward Cleaver as possible. People want the fantasy. They will vote for the fantasy.

For many in Blackland, a white woman is simply not part of that fantasy.

Barack Keeps It C-O-O-L

It only took Fred Armisen and SNL a year, but they finally did a Barack parody that made sense and was funny (I do enjoy 1960s Rat Pack vibes). This is largely because they finally gave (fake) Barack a personality other than have him play the foil or straight man to Amy Poehler's Hillary Clinton and Darrell Hammond's John McCain. I am interested to see where they will take this new, Lithium-like approach to Obama's modus operandi.

It's a vast improvement compared to their spoof of the second Obama v. Clinton debate where Armisen simply repeated back everything Darrell Hammond's Tim Russert said as if Obama were incapable of independent thought. Parody is, after all, supposed to be rooted in some truth and I don't know anyone who thinks Barack is a dullard. This spoof at least got at something that both fascinates and maddens people about Barack, his unflappability.

Designers Indulge In Michelle Obama Fashion Fantasies

There can only be one!!! A bevvy of possible gown ideas from Women's Wear Daily from some clearly interested designers:

Who says these are bleak times? On one matter at least, designers are positively euphoric. That is the Obama presidency, a two-part point of light. While much of the glee centers around the President-elect and his policies, Michelle Obama radiates a powerful style all her own. So step aside, Angelina. You too, Madonna, not to mention the bevy of pop tarts, gossip girls, “High School Musical” grads and even potential Oscar divas, now all suddenly second-tier. The American fashion industry hasn’t had a catch this big since, well, since another icon of Democratic chic took up residency on Pennsylvania Avenue in 1961.

... (J)ust about everyone yearns to dress Michelle, who could raise the profile of American fashion around the world. Yet with the exception of Maria Cornejo, her current favorites, as well as a few majors, declined WWD’s request for sketches. Some are loath to presume to offer unsolicited advice, while others, it seems, are definitely in the Inaugural sweepstakes and prefer, or have been asked, to keep their participation low-pro.

I'm still giddily excited about this and I'm STILL awaiting my Shelly O. doll. Where is it? There are crappy Obama plates and cheesy MLK-BHO velvet portraits but I NEED a Michelle Obama Barbie. I will buy 50. I kid you not. Get cracking!

That said, in the sketches that feature Michelle with the girls I have a little bone to pick. In real life, Malia Obama comes to her mother's shoulder. Michelle is almost six feet tall. At the rate the 10-year-old is growing she could be either starting for the Los Angeles Sparks or strutting the catwalk for New York's Fashion Week in about four years. In all the sketches, she and her sister, Sasha, are drawn as if they are typical short children when they are the products of two Amazonian parents. Malia is probably taller than me and I'm 5'3" and stopped growning 18 years ago. Just a quibbile.

The Black Snob "Sloppy Seconds" Award Goes To ...

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama have made history, but what about everyone else? You know? All those other politicians, business folk and entertainers who might have had the "BEST. YEAR. EVA!" if Obamamania hadn't swept the world and Barack Obama hadn't become the 44th president of the United States.

I've alluded to this in a previous post on Ebony Magazine naming Barack Obama person of the year (in their first ever "Person of the Year" cover story), but now I've decided that with so many media outlets celebrating Obama via DVD documentaries and cheap, tacky plates, perhaps The Black Snob should do something for those who reached for the stars and no one noticed.

Submit your nominees here or via e-mail and the winners of The Black Snob's Sloppy Seconds Awards 2008 will be unveiled December 17.

PS. It's almost time for the Ed Bradley Award for Journalistic Hotness! Named for my immortal beloved, Ed Bradley of "60 Minutes" who was the perfect blend of insanely good journalist and sexy, the award is meant for TV journalists who make your toes curl involuntarily in delight.

As you may recall, earlier this year CNN's newst asthma sufferer TJ Holmes was crowned king. He's my Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of the TV News, you know? And I love him. (Although, my cheating heart has me secretly lusting his competition at CNN, Chris Lawrence.) This year I will be awarding both a male and female winners based on their looks and talents including teleprompter reading skills, charm and smarts. Start thinking of the TV talkers of your desire RIGHT NOW. If you need a refresher on who made the cut before, click here.

Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves (In Obama's White House)

New Obama Administration members Desiree Rogers and Valerie Jarrett with Linda Rice Johnson of Ebony Magazine (left-to-right) at a social event. Rogers and Jarrett will be part of the Obama White House team.

Beautiful and brilliant, I have to say I've been so far impressed with the black women who are popping up as potential parts of the administration. While I'm looking forward to which other black and other minority women and men who will be joining the them, here are the so far "fantastic four" of the Obama Administration.

Name: Desiree Rogers

New Job: White House Social Secretary

Super power: Party! Party! Party! Rogers is super social butterfly, big on the socialite scene in Chicago with her business connections and ability to have a good time

Obama Connection: Michelle Obama

From The Washington Post:

Rogers, 49, is a friend of Michelle and President-elect Barack Obama's, and a leader in Chicago corporate and civic circles; her appointment signals that the first couple consider the job crucial to how they introduce themselves to the country and the globe. She was a major fundraiser for Obama.

Claim to fame: Rogers was most recently with Allstate Financial, where she was "creating a social network of clients and consumers." She was also once president of Peoples Gas and North Shore Gas.

From the Chicago Tribune:

Rogers, who studied at Wellesley College and later earned an MBA from Harvard, was once married to Chicagoan John Rogers, Ariel Capital Management chief and another close Obama friend and fundraiser.

Her first highly visible post was in state government. She managed the lottery for then-Gov. Jim Edgar in the '90s, appearing on TV giving away pots of money.

Why she's fabulous: According to Obama friend Valerie Jarrett -- "This appointment sends a strong message that the Obamas want to use the White House strategically, to maximize its use in a way that is consistent with their philosophy -- [to] open it to a broader range of people, " said Valerie Jarrett, an Obama intimate and friend of Rogers's who also will work in the White House. "Desirée is a heavy hitter -- she comes with her own range of contacts from around the country. She's close to Michelle and she knows everyone who will be working in the West Wing, so she will be able to create a synergy."

Name: Valerie Jarrett

New Job: White House Senior Adviser

Super power: Tenacious Charm and Outward Brilliance. She also managed to smooth things over with Clinton supporters, bringing them under the fold after the contentious primary race and she works as Obama's outreach to leaders within the black community

Obama Connection: She's a close and personal friend/mentor of Michelle, then later Barack

From The New York Times:

“I can count on someone like Valerie to take my hand and say, You need to think about these three things,” Mrs. Obama said. “Like a mom, a big sister, I trust her implicitly.”

Claim to fame: "A protégée of Mayor Richard M. Daley of Chicago, Ms. Jarrett served as his planning commissioner, ran a real estate company, the Habitat Company — whose management of public housing projects has come under scrutiny with Ms. Jarrett’s rise — and sits on too many boards to count. She is an expert in urban affairs, particularly housing and transportation, in an administration expected to lavish more money and attention on cities than its predecessors." (NYT)

Why she's fabulous: While new to Washington she's ready to hit the ground running in an effort to avoid the pratfalls that hindered hometown heroes like herself from making it in the Capitol.

She's tiny, but mighty, mighty powerful, in spite of being "underestimated" due to her ethnicity, gender, height, pixie haircut, being the only black woman in the boardroom and the fact that she's very "girlish" with a "singsong voice and suits that earned her a recent profile in Vogue." (NYT)

Name: Susan Rice

Potential Role: Ambassador to the United Nations

Super power: Anti-Genocide Warrior (she has also penned the occasional column for Huffington Post)

From the International Herald Tribune:

The choice of Rice to represent the United States before the United Nations will make her one of the most visible faces of the Obama administration to the outside world aside from Clinton. It will also send to the world organization a prominent and forceful advocate of stronger action, including military force if necessary, to stop mass killings like those in the Darfur region of Sudan in recent years.

Obama Connection: She's a warrior. She needed no such connections! Actually, she's a former Clintonite who switched sides.

Claim to fame: She's considered brilliant and tough.

Writes the International Herald Tribune:

If confirmed, Rice at 44 would be the second-youngest ambassador to the United Nations. A Rhodes scholar who earned a doctorate in international relations at Oxford University, she joined Bill Clinton's National Security Council staff in 1993 before rising to assistant secretary of state for African affairs at age 32. When Obama decided to run for president, she signed up as one of his top advisers, much to the consternation of the Clinton camp, which resented what it saw as a defection.

Some colleagues from her Clinton and Obama days said Rice can be blunt and unafraid to "mix it up," as one put it, on behalf of issues she cares about. Rice herself acknowledges a certain impatience at times.

Admirers said she is a good listener and able to stand up to strong personalities, including foreign autocrats and militants in volatile regions of the world.

"Susan certainly is tough, and she's tough in exactly the right way," said Strobe Talbott, a former deputy secretary of state and now president of the Brookings Institution, where Rice has worked in recent years. "She's intellectually tough, she's tough in her approach to how the policymaking process should work and she will be very effective as a diplomat."

Why she's fabulous: Goodness, she wants to stop genocide in Darfur in the Sudan. That makes her fabulous enough. Good luck to her on that.

She's also not John Bolton, Bush's former recess appointment as Ambassador to the UN. Bolton, like much of Bush and Co., didn't believe in the purpose of the UN or giving it any power -- real or perceived. Therefore they sent a man to work at frustrating and undermining the organization our country help found and headquarters. (He's already bitching over Obama elevating the ambassadorship back to a cabinet level position as it was under President Bill Clinton.) Under the long list of reasons why the world hates us you will find John Bolton's name. Rice is going to get a standing ovation just for not being him.

Name: Michelle Obama (You know she's the leader of the Fantastic Four. How could I not put her here? She's bigger than Oprah and Beyonce combined at this point.)

New Job: First Lady of the United States

Super power: She's a nearly 6 foot tall Glamazon. She's Wonder Woman. Seriously. She's got that golden lasso lying around here somewhere.

Obama Connection: She's Mrs. Obama

Claim to fame: She's an Ivy League educated attorney with an accomplished career, two beautiful daughters and a devoted husband who just happens to be the "leader of the free world."

Why she's fabulous: She's Michelle Obama. She wasn't made fabulous. She was born that way.

PS. The Black Snob will be following the actions, careers, lives of almost any black, brown or minority person with a business card and a tic-tac in their mouths working for the Obama Administration. Everything from the serious to the supersillious to the "OMG! What are they WEARING!!!" Send your info to me now, now, now! Especially if you are a black, brown, Asian, Latino, female, male, warm-blooded person with a pulse -- or a vampire, I don't discriminate -- who works in DC and likes to pass along "OMG! What are they WEARING!!!" news tips and pictures, among other things.

Send your tips n' pics to The Black Snob at blacksnob@gmail.com!

And look to future coverage of more men and women of the coming Obama Administration. January 20, 2009, people! It's going down! It's the Freaknik of Hope, only everyone is sober and will keep their clothes on (because it's freezing outside in DC in January). Yeah! Nerdy black people! We're finally taking over! Bwaaa-haaa-haaa!

Ebony Names Obama Person of the Year, But What If Obamamania Never Happened?

No big surprise. Ebony Magazine has named Barack Obama as the "Person of the Year."

If the election of the first African-American president does not stand out as a landmark event in the history of a magazine founded for African-American readers in 1942 and now reaching 12 million readers, it's difficult to imagine what does.

"We won because the American people mobilized for change,'' Obama says in the interview that he gave to Ebony on Nov. 13, his first interview following election. "It really was people at a grassroots level who carried our campaign financially, who carried it organizationally, and we don't want that to dissipate.'' (The Swamp)

While this is all peachy keen I have to wonder -- if this had never happened, if Barack Obama had decided two years ago he liked just being a senator and wanted to stay one instead of running in 2008 -- who would be Ebony's big end of the year star? Was there another black person who came close to having Barack's banner year? And if not, who came in sloppy seconds? Is there another politician, entertainer, mogul, athlete, scholar, media sensation or business person with a distinct whiff of blackness who could don this cover spot?

And don't say either Will Smith or Oprah Winfrey. While those two are rolling in it, they really didn't do anything remarkable in 2008, unless you count Oprah endorsing Obama and campaigning for him -- which you can't count in the world where Obamamania never existed.

Hoax stories irritate the crap out of me. Stupid Internet.

Oh well. It appears a hoaxer in the form of the Daily Mail in our midst and the ridiculously huge ring rumor has proved once again that the dear internet was not to be believed, ruining my perfectly funny post on it! Sigh. But, my comments on Jay-Z rhyming Rodium with things and Kobe Bryant's unfortunate ring present stand. Normally I wait a couple seconds to write about items that could be fake, re: the $30,000 ring, but I had SUCH GOOD JOKES! I couldn't resist. I like making fun of things! (But you all already knew that.) Moving on ...

HOAX! "Honey, Thanks For Putting Up With the Me Non-Stop Running For Things!"

Update: It's a hoax. Never mind! Please enjoy the jokes in my hoax story. I worked so hard at them!

They call Michelle Obama "the rock" of the Obama household. Now, if the internet is to be believed, she can finally wear Gibraltar on her finger.

A spokesman for top Italian designer Giovanni Bosco has confirmed that President-Elect Barack Obama is looking to purchase a $30,000 Harmony ring made of rhodium and encrusted with diamonds as a thank you gift to his wife Michelle. We expect the future First Lady to receive the ring in time for her husband's January inauguration ceremony. The gift is a thank you for her support throughout the last two years of campaigning.

One of the world's rarest and most precious metals, only about 25 tons of rhodium are mined each year, setting the price at over $7,660 per ounce -- or about ten times the cost of gold. (Luxist)

1) There is a level of precious metal higher than platinum? Does Jay-Z know about this? Or is it too hard to rhyme "rhodium" with something? What am I saying? It's easy! I'm so rich I be rockin' rhodiums the size of podiums! At more than seven grand an ounce, its got 'em amazed like Opium!

2) This is also how a wife likes to get nice jewelry. Gifts out of goodness and joy. Not like how Kobe Bryant bought his wife that ring after he got busted with a rape charge. I mean, you get a ring, but ... it's nicer when it's because you're the most awesome spouse ever and you're loved by him and not because your hubby can't keep it in the pants.

Gorgeous hunks of precious metal aside, it's kind of sad that this ridiculous hunk of metal couldn't be a surprise for Mrs. O, but when you're president your business becomes America's business. You know that the ring maker couldn't wait to tell everybody and their grandma and us poor folks can't even buy what they're selling. They just wanted the publicity. That's just how it is.

That said, this news will not help the unfortunate husbands who get the side eye from their wives every time Barack looks at Michelle in an especially revering fashion on television. Getting poked, nudged and in rare cases, catching a bunny slipper to the head, when she opines how you don't look at her like that in public. Why don't you want the world to know you love her as much as Barack loves Michelle? Why, dammit? Why!

Barack Obama, Bad Economy Inspire New Era of the Hustle Man/Woman

I'm still waiting on my Michelle Obama Barbie. Seriously. Where is she? I'll buy 20. But do you want to know what I won't buy? All this crap created in the time honored tradition of the enterprising North American "Hustle Man/Woman."

From tacky President-Elect plates to tacky President-Elect gold plated coins, if you can slap Obama's smiling, inspirational mug on it, you can profit from the latest piece of swag to move aspiring hustlers from rags to Obama riches.

There's gold in them there Obamas! Whether it's book sales (Both pro and anti-Obama books are selling like crack rock on the block!), TV ratings (Barack and Michelle gave 60 Minutes its highest ratings in nearly a decade) or magazines covers (I don't think they've been on Soldier of Fortune yet, but I'm sure they're working on it) -- people are buying visages of the Obamas. Even the fashion industry is hoping Michelle Obama will become their prêt-à-porter deity and keep sales going while the nation goes to the poorhouse.

From ABC News:

"We're all obviously trying to look at the silver lining," designer Norma Kamali told ABCNews.com. "Where do we look for hope, an opportunity to create good feelings for the customer? There is real hope with Michelle Obama. I think she can keep women interested in purchasing."

Obama's name surfaced at a recent meeting of The Fashion Group International, a professional organization for members of the fashion industry. The topic of discussion was the economy, and one member wondered aloud whether Obama could bolster the industry during the current economic downturn.

Networks are cobbling together half-assed documentaries. Books are being rushed to presses. Even the tabloids have put down running pictures of Brangelina (or Jennifer Aniston still upset over Brangelina) to boost their sales with Michelle and Barack. Where will the girls go to school? What is Michelle wearing? Why is Barack the "bee's knees?" What is this "hope and change" thing he keeps talking about? People want to know and the media is willing to provide knowing it all leads to the dollars.

From The Washington Post:

Perhaps it was the announcement that NBC News is coming out with a DVD titled "Yes We Can: The Barack Obama Story." Or that ABC and USA Today are rushing out a book on the election. Or that HBO has snapped up a documentary on Obama's campaign.

Perhaps it was the Newsweek commemorative issue -- "Obama's American Dream" -- filled with so many iconic images and such stirring prose that it could have been campaign literature. Or the Time cover depicting Obama as FDR, complete with jaunty cigarette holder.

Each writer, each publication, seems to reach for more eye-popping superlatives. "OBAMAISM -- It's a Kind of Religion," says New York magazine. "Those of us too young to have known JFK's Camelot are going to have our own giddy Camelot II to enrapture and entertain us," Kurt Andersen writes. The New York Post has already christened it "BAM-A-LOT."

But the real stars of this effort to capitalize and monetize history are not the media or the book publishers, but the hustlers, the peddlers, the eBay specialists who are the true heroes of crass capitalism.

America is a country founded on the ability to hustle. It was the founding fathers who hustled themselves out of being a colony, hustled the Native Americans out of their land and hustled slavery until that little Civil War happened. But this has always been a place where many business people who saw opportunity where other people only saw crap.

Take the inventor of Barbie.

Former Mattel, Inc. president Ruth Handler modeled the doll off of a German doll marketed to adults as a sexually fused gag gift, explaining Barbie's impossible waist- and bustline.

Or, Madam CJ Walker who became the first black and female millionaire through the invention of the pressing comb and creating the black hair care industry.

When others say why, the hustle man/woman says "Why not?"

From poorly bootlegged DVDs of new films the same day they come out to Steve Jobs pushing iPhones you can't afford, America is built on the backs of folks who can put up a mean hustle. It's only natural that the hustler would celebrate our fair Hopey McChangey by pimping his message in the most garrish, ridiculous, tackilicious "hang your portrait of Barack and Michelle between the MLK/JFK/RFK memorial plates/paintings and the giant, wooden "Tiki" (or African) fork and spoon in your dining room" fashion.

Before he won, Obama had already created a hustler's economy of buttons, jewelry, T-shirts, hats and all kinds of weirdness that I have chronicled on this blog over and over and over again. From his likeness in chocolate to indie designer label trousers, these were Obama items that sometimes came in "extremes," but the money was always right.

Aw shizz! A shirt of Barack dunking on McCain? Order me fifty, son!

"Folks want to buy it," recognizes the hustler, "No matter how cheesy." From lame Obama action figures (this doll is no where as talking Ken doll-riffic as the talking George W. Bush doll I have in the basement somewhere. Lame! Give me a Barack doll worthy of making out with my old school Barbies!) to Obama themed skins for your iPhone, who knows which tchotchkes will be those Eddie Money-esque two tickets to (financial) paradise.

As a child I sat in the homes of many relatives staring at framed photos of John F. Kennedy next to Martin Luther King Jr., typically mounted near the wooden Tiki fork and spoon wondering "why?" How did these particular items become the tributes of choice for black people? I've moved past that wondering to now expecting gigantic, gawdy-to-gorgeous portraits of the Obamas smiling at me, symbols of both pride and the North American hustle man/woman's entrepreneurial spirit.

In crap we trust. Some gaze at the Grand Canyon or Sierra Nevadas to understand America's beauty. Save the money, turn on QVC and do nothing but slow claps. Bravo, hustlers. Bravo. You truly are recession proof.

Sheeeeee'ssss Baaaaaaaaaa-aaaaack!

The not-quite-South-by-the-way-of-Illinois-by-the-way-of-New York HAS RISEN AGAIN! She told you she'd be back! Like the Terminator. Only this time she's working for the O-Team. And since the saga over her possible appointment has been going on and on for more than two weeks now no one is surprised.

Every day President-Elect Barack Obama's potential cabinet keeps looking one-part "Team of Rivals" and one-part "Justice League." Could the names be any bigger? Could the egos surpass that girth? All I want to know is who is Batman and who is Superman and is Batman carrying his emergency kryptonite to keep Superman in check? Inquiring nerds want to know!

My thoughts on Clinton for Secy. of State? I'm ambivalent and bemused and fascinated. I want to see this play out. While it's obvious that Sen. Clinton really, really, really wanted to be sworn in herself come Jan. 20th, I don't think this is necessarily part of some Machiavellian plot to destroy the Obama Administration from within. By hitching her wagon to the Great Hopemongerer, she's now completed her transformation as "ride or die" Obama. As in, if Obama fails in his foreign policy she will feel that same stiff, cold wind that occassionally blows at the backs of Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell for their roles in the many fiascos of the Bush Administration as Secys. of State. This is make or break time.

As in, she needs to make this work for the good of the country and her own reputation.

In the end, as a politician (or as anything for that matter) all you have is your name. Once that goes, you go and there's no amount of wishful thinking (see, Bush, George W.) that will make a giant turd of a presidency blossom into wildflowers.

Clinton has chosen not to play passive in this and I'm not surprised. This is the first Democratic administration since her husband's and it's so damn historic presidential historians are having preemptive orgasms anticipating every ounce of minutae they will collect and preserve for prosperity. I half expect Doris Kearns Goodwin to pass out from a case of the vapors.

The only thing that's sticking in my craw is my beloved blowhard of MSNBC, Chris Matthews, who's foot-n-mouth disease knows no bounds. Last week I had to endour the most moronic conversation on Hardball where he (and strangely enough, other pundits who should have known better) batted around the notion of Bill Clinton running for Hillary's senate seat.

Bill Clinton. William Jefferson Clinton. Former president of the United States. Former "Leader of the Free World." Former Commander-In-Chief. Former HNIC and it's all about me, me, me where they played "Hail to the Chief" when he entered a room and everywhere he went was like TV's "Cheers" -- everywhere he went everyone knew his name. Bill "I'm a Rhodes Scholar with no impulse control who could not stop chasing tail because Prince's 'Pussy Control' was about me, man. The pussy is in CHARGE! I just follow the smell wherever it leads me. Don't tell Hillary! But it doesn't matter because I beat every mutha fucker who tried to impeach me! I am untouchable, the slickest of the slick and my dick is bigger than Gods!" Clinton.

That Clinton to run to be a junior senator from New York.

Seriously.

Bill will give up his charity for his wife's potential appointment, but after being president being senator is being Pope and choosing to go back to being a postulate and Bill is no longer the student. He is the teacher, you philistines! And the ego's on fire -- the Comeback Id would rather kick it with his Billionaire Boys Club wingman Ron Burkle for the next four to eight years, picking up chicks in Prague. Debating things like who would beat who in a fight -- Sam Jackson as Mace Windu from Star Wars versus Sam Jackson as the Octopus in The Spirit? Ruminating on all the girl's he's loved before.

I always saw Bill as being Henry Hill from "Goodfellas," the real life gangster who moved up within a crime family but was brought down by his own excesses. When the party was over he griped that he had to live like a regular "schnook."

Senator Bill Clinton ain't happening because Big Willie ain't gonna be nobody's schnook. He's not about to return to Washington, DC only to be Sens. Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer's bitch. He'd rather kill himself. Or them. Hell, that's probably one of the reasons why Hillary bounced from the senate anyway. Ted Kennedy was cock blocking her on health care reform because it was his baby first. So the Clintons like to win and Hillary's decided to take her toys and go join the winning team.

Unfortunately, there will be drama, real and imagined. I put a big emphasis on "imagined." The main accusation and criticism of the Clintons, both Bill and Hillary, is that their ambition is wild, ever reaching and starkly naked. While it is true, they know how to play the game better than most and can manipulate the press with the best of them -- all politicians are flagrantly and brazenly ambitious.

Barack Obama's ambitious. He's just a master of his own domain. He has slayed his dragons. He is in control of whatever demons he may possess, or perhaps he vanquished those demons long ago. He is not a man starved for sex, affection and approval and he is not a woman married to that mess, dealing with her own self-doubts and calculations.

He's in "control." If there were ever a salacious, unhinged, kinky scandal surrounding the O-Man I would be the first one calling "bullshit," only to be followed by shock and horror. But if Bill Clinton gets caught playing "grab hands" with Kim Kardashian tomorrow I'm not going to feign indignation.

Barack is in control and he's in control of this selection of Hillary Clinton.

She knows the drill. He's her boss. The Secy. of State's job is the execute the president's vision. Yes, she can offer insight, but as Colin Powell will tell you, even if you think the president is really taking an "L" there, you have to either get on board or resign.

Very few resign.

And if for some reason she doesn't know the drill and the media circus, Matthews, et al, becomes too much it will be up to Obama to say he's had enough of life under the big top.

Either way. I really don't think folks should spend too much time worrying about it. Obama's got this.