Monday, June 30, 2008

You Know You're Big News When ...

You can get to the top of CNN's front page by doing nothing at all.

Former President Bill Clinton and Barack Obama talked by phone Monday morning, the Obama campaign and a Clinton spokesman said.

Obama "had a terrific conversation with President Clinton and is honored to have his support in this campaign," said campaign spokesman Bill Burton.

Never has so little meant so much.

More and more this wall-to-wall, "Does Bill hate Obama, check yes, no or maybe" drama is causing me some pause as to the news judgment of CNN political reporter Candy Crowley and her producers. This is all too similar to the great Hilary Duff/Lindsay Lohan/Ashlee Simpson wars from over a few years back.

Or for us Negroes, the continued drama of Tameka Foster, Usher and Usher's mom. Or Beyonce versus two-fourths of the original Destiny's Child. Or Shaq v. Kobe, Part 123,784 -- Shazam's Rap Revenge. Sigh. Never have two more unappealing people carried on one pointless feud for so, so long.

Yet despite Kobe's amazing arrogance, I still hate Shaq more. I can't forgive his near uselessness as he is one of the most overrated NBA centers this side of Bill Walton. But he's tall and takes up space so bully for him. Let's ignore that he couldn't win anything without Kobe or Dwayne Wade and the many other people who could shoot, run, pass, defend and make free throws.

An Hour With The Snob

Things went great on the radio this morning. If you want to hear the whole discussion from my one-hour race-a-thon on St. Louis on the Air, click on this link!

Ask The Snob

It's time to crack open last week's mail and take a peak at what's going on in the worlds of my fellow snobs! If you have questions I have answers. (Maybe. If I don't I'll be honest about it.) Also, don't forget St. Louisans, I'll be on KWMU 90.7 radio at 11 a.m. CST talkin' bout race! For those who want to listen, here is a link to the live feed from KWMU's Web site. I'll be on the WHOLE HOUR ... for some crazy reason. Check it out!


THE MAIL

Incognegro actor Wentworth Miller with an alleged "woman" (Source: Just Jared


First of all, I am so glad that I found your site. You are so talented and insightful. SCAN is hilarious and I love the piece on Zahara's hair.

Second--Wentworth Miller. Is he really gay? Do you have proof to back this up (or is it just the fact that we NEVER see him with a woman). I am just asking because a friend of mine and I are always arguing over it and if there is proof I would LOVE to forward it to her.

Third--Why do the ladies on The View keep letting Sherrie speak?

Fourth--TJ Holmes IS so cute--and although there is a rumored daughter around I don't see any rings. Does that mean he is single? Not sure. (some married men don't wear them--I hate that)

OK that is it for now.

Keep up the great work.

T

--------------

Dear T,

Thank you in regards to my blogs. They're both a lot of fun for me (although The Snob blog takes up so much of my time I don't do enough posts at SCAN).

Per your questions --

1) I have noooo idea what Wentworth's sexual orientation is. He's been photographed with a few women in the past as his date at events. But people also linked him to actor Luke McFarlane.

He's intensely private. Despite being famous he's not a fame whore. He could probably be much bigger and more popular than he is now if he were more extroverted, dated another celebrity and got his face out there more. But he doesn't do that. That tells me that his sexual orientation is "Leave Me Alone." Straight or gay. The man doesn't want us in his business.

2) I don't know what's up with Sherrie. No clue.

3) TJ is not married ... anymore. He left his wife for Rozonda "Chili" Thomas of TLC more than a year ago. Then he and Chili broke up a few months back. I've heard rumors he's with his wife again, but as far as I know he's single.

Keep hope alive!

Yours in blackness,

The Snob

My Great Great Aunt Josephine, though proudly a black person, did not appear to be pure African. I'm going to go out on a limb and say some white folks explicitly wandered into our bloodline.


Snob:

Thanks so very much for inviting questions. I am African American and I am in a precarious position as family historian. When I started researching the family roots we all naively assumed that we were 100% from Africa.

What I discovered from various documents is that during slavery and after, our bloodlines became mixed with European. My family has greeted this news with COMPLETE horror.

As it turns out my paternal grandfather was part Irish, my great grandmother was Scottish, French, Indian and African. This has caused a GREAT deal of stress to my family who was hoping my research would lead us "back to Africa." Outside of dealing with my family's reluctance to embrace our European as well as our African heritage, I have a very practical problem.

How do I map out the family tree? Should I include the documented European relatives or just leave them out and make everyone happy?

D.P.

---------------

Dear D.P.,

First off, do not be alarmed. You are not the first black person to discover this fact. Truth be told, the vast majority of African Americans not matter how dark are not pure African. We're all most commonly mixed with European and native ancestry.

That includes me. And just about everyone who reads this blog. And just about every black person in North and South America and even some white people who don't realize they've got a few incognegroes running around in the bloodline.

Image how they feel when they find out Great Grandpa Millhouse was light, bright and passed for white.

That said, this is a reality you and your family will have to reluctantly accept. It's simply part of our history, whether it happened out of love or rape. It happened. Not much you can do about it.

Per putting together your family tree, I would suggest that you not kick the white folks out, if only because their lineage might help you trace your relatives back to Africa. This is especially true if these white individuals once owned your family. I have a rare (but common sounding) English last name. Relying on the name, it was a lot easier to trace my father's side of the family back to the original plantation where nearly every black person in America with the last name "Belton" originated from.

So for that reason alone, accepting the white heritage in order to use it to find the origins of your family is both practical and realistic. There's a host of white and Indian blood running through both sides of my family. Even though some of that blood came from unspeakable situations, we can't exactly pretend like it's not there. For better or worse, it was that blood that created us and created you. Including your white forefathers and foremothers in the family tree isn't an endorsement of the actions of your historical tormentors.

It's just fact. Treat it only as such.

Yours truly in blackness,

The Snob

Do you have questions? The Snob's Inbox is always open to you! Just email me at blacksnob@gmail.com.

Can We Still Be Friends?

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have retired their daggers to turn their eyes towards the November election, but a happy reunion may be a bit harder to weather for some Clinton supporters

The announcement of Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama's joint stumping for his campaign June 27th gave the pundits and Kumbaya-lovers what they'd been asking for -- a grand Hollywood ending featuring the two political heavyweights. Beaming, standing astride each other and full of praise they were. Even if critics said it wouldn't be sincere and would take the negotiating techniques of an attorney to pull off, they still wanted it and they got their show.

All applause. All smiles. All over.

Once Obama became the presumptive nominee many Democrats were ready to put away the ammo and move on to the next challenge, all except some who'd fought hard and lost.

While a lot of Clinton supporters are choosing to back Obama, some are having a harder time getting excited about the senator. Others are still steadfast against voting for him.

Out of curiosity and a desire for better understanding, I reached out to some Clinton supporters to better understand what were the issues that caused them to view the Democratic Primary the way they did and why they would or would not support Barack Obama for president. Two female bloggers, Red Queen and Redstar who post at The Hillary 1000 blog, responded, answering my questions about how an individual can go from seeing the primary's two biggest stars as a double-positive to a negative net loss.

Both women, strong progressives with Liberal leanings, picked Clinton over Obama because of her mental toughness, age and experience with Redstar admitting that because of the candidate's similar stances Clinton's gender was a deciding factor. But in the beginning both women liked the candidates.

"I, like many, thought a Clinton/Obama ticket could set us the Dems up nicely for 16 years," Redstar wrote. "(A) female candidate and a person of color candidate? AWESOME. I sent them both $100 in July 2007, and proudly wore a Clinton pin and Obama sticker at the Congressional Black Caucus annual conference in September 2007."

"I was excited," Red Queen wrote. "(OMG a black guy and a white women- how freaking awesome is that!) Even though I was an Edwards supporter."

Redstar wrote on her blog favorably of both Clinton and Obama's agendas for families, but as the campaign wore on she preferred how Clinton "tacked pretty hard to the left" and "emerged as the more progressive of the two candidates." She also liked the fact that Clinton relentlessly attacked the Bush Administration "no holds barred," adding that she has "always preferred (Hillary's) partisanship to Obama's message."

"I’m a partisan animal, and want justice, retribution, payback and aggressive partisan leadership after the Bush oligarchy," Redstar wrote. "Seriously, our world is a TOTAL mess and I cannot for the life of me imagine playing nice with the GOP.

Late last fall, Redstar felt herself becoming disenchanted with Obama. His message of unity, hope and change fell on deaf, cynical ears.

"Post-partisan/bi-partisan rhetoric NEVER worked for me," she wrote. "Obama lost me in part because I felt set up, i.e., his rhetoric didn’t match up with his record as a politician (all his “present” votes, for instance didn’t leave me with a lot of faith in his leadership potential).

"Furthermore, and I think this had a big impact on me, the ethnic/gender compositions of the Presidential campaign staffs were released (for Dems and GOP). Clinton’s staff was majority female and majority non-white. Obama’s in comparison was 80% male and 60% white. I think I just fell out of love early on with him as another typical (politician), and likely in part because he was running as an atypical (politician)."

For Red Queen it was also Clinton's fighting spirit that inspired her.

"In late December I saw a clip of Clinton on Wall Street Week where she laughed in the face of Maria Barteromo," she wrote. "When Clinton started talking about plans for the helping people in foreclosure, I remembered why I liked her. The more I heard her plans and saw her speak, the more I liked."

Both were disappointed by Clinton's loss. Redstar has decided to begrudgingly support Obama, struggling to get excited about the campaign.

"He’s the nominee. And I keep reminding myself that I would have been excited to vote for him if I hadn’t gotten so excited about Clinton," she wrote me in an e-mail exchange. "I may still be excited on Nov. 4th, who knows. I’m also ninety-five percent sure I’m going to vote for him, but there’s still a part of me that wonders if in the privacy of the voting booth I won’t.

"I doubt it, but there’s a nagging voice in my head that I should be taking a stand over the misogyny leveled by the media and tolerated by the (Democratic) Party and used to advantage by Obama. I’m honestly conflicted over this, but I can’t really imagine not voting for Obama. I’d really like to see his family in the Oval Office more than I’d like to see him govern."

The level of sexism in the media and the trench warfare of the primary was a huge issue for both bloggers. Both were surprised how insults lobbed at her were tolerated. Red Queen, who said she would not vote for Obama, could not get past a statement he made about women "periodically feeling down" in reference to Clinton. She felt it was code for women being too emotional.

"The misogyny in that statement made me start questioning," Red Queen wrote. "The more I looked into Obama and the less I liked him.

"Had he come out and apologized for it, I might not have gone through the trouble of looking more closely into his views and campaign tactics. But once I did, I knew there was no way i could ever vote for him."

Red Queen felt her views and concerns were being shoved aside for Obama's political ascension, leading her to not support him as a protest of the Democratic Party's silence, and to her, endorsement, of sexism.

"(I)t is against my own best interest to support a party that uses misogyny as a campaign tool," she said. "I have been stalked and harassed and called more sexist insults by Obama supporters than any Republican. Then there is the classism. I'm a poor working class white woman. Obama has made it clear that the only thing the Dems have to offer me is threats and insults if I refuse to vote the party line."

Redstar, while working to get over the loss, also repeated the same themes of shock and disappointment over the party's lack of defense for Clinton.

"My biggest source of ambivalence about voting for him in the fall is less about him and more about the way the (p)arty apparatus lined up around him and stood too silently about Clinton’s treatment in the media ... (E)ven a few participated – Steve Cohen, for (example)," she wrote.

"All of this post-Clinton suspension discussion of the sexism during the campaign, and her role as a sacrificial ground breaker for future women is really salt in my wounds. Right, now it’s safe to talk about misogyny and gender. Spare me. I really think the Party has calcified and is headed in the wrong direction with politics generally in this country, and Obama hasn’t brought any new faces or ideas into the mix, from what I can tell, other than young voters."

Asked if there was an issue or an action Obama could partake to win them over, Redstar said she would, "really love to have him reach out to the most angry, entrenched Clinton supporters who don’t plan to vote for him."

"I’ve seen nothing to indicate that he’s paying attention to these voters, and that he considers them anything other than fringe, emotional lunatics (and women) who need some time to cool off," she wrote.

"His campaign gives off the impression that this is either a) Clinton’s responsibility or b) not necessary because he doesn’t need these votes to win. I think this is hard-headed and irresponsible. Would it honestly take so much to schedule a conference call with these diehard supporters? If McCain can do it (shamelessly), can’t Obama?"

But while Redstar can bridge the gap, for Red Queen there's nothing Obama could do to win her over, writing that "(a)t this point, that ship has sailed. I don't reward sexists, racists or classists with my vote -- ever."

"I'm voting for Cynthia McKinney of the green party. I've always liked the Green platform and I thought McKinney was a fiery and awesome presence in the house," Red Queen wrote. "I don't feel that a vote for McKinney is wasted (or a vote for McCain). Strong, progressive leaders need to be rewarded with our votes, even if it doesn't lead to their actual election."

In this primary things went from politics to personal and while the winners can hold their heads high in victory, the longer race cannot be won with members of the Democratic coalition divorced from the process.

If healing is to begin the concerns and feelings of the former opposition can not be dumped aside with the reasoning that time heals all wounds. All wounds could turn to old wounds that fester and become sore with every poke and provocation. The sexism that attacked Clinton yesterday has its sights set on Michelle Obama today. The party made a fatal error in seeing sexism as a phantom menace because of Clinton's political potency.

It is a relief that the Democratic Primary is over. And while the Kumbaya moment of Clinton and Obama together may have settled some concerns, no matter what is said on TV we are still some way to go before love conquers all.

To read Redstar's full statements on Clinton and Obama click here. To read Red Queen's full statements, click here. What do you think of the views of Clinton supporters struggling to support Obama?

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Celebrity Round-Up: Best of the Week

Singer Teyana Taylor delivers the cake, looking a delightful hot mess in a purple Minnesota Twins hat and pink plaid at Rihanna's Good Girl Gone Bad viewing party June 17th.

Famous people, mostly dressed badly, standing in front of cameras and getting their pictures taken. It's a hard job, but they were all just sober enough to do it. Here are my favorites from the past week.

RIHANNA GOOD GIRL GONE BAD VIEWING PARTY

I have mixed feelings for Rihanna. I'm probably not in the demographic for her music, but I have to admit, she looks pretty adorable here trying to be all dark and sexy with the heavy eyeliner like a high schooler trying to age-it-up to get liquor at a club she's too young to get into. Rocking Halle Berry's hair of almost 15 years ago. Awww! Try not to throw up from downing all those shots of Cuervo Black!

LeToya Luckett, still alive.

I thought this was an accident when I first saw it on WireImage. Like someone teleported a photo from 1992 into Rihanna's shindig. But, no, this is a group called The Retro Kids. And I'm lovin' the kente cloth vest, bi-colored high top fades and tortoiseshell glasses making them look like some weird mash-up of Kid n' Play, Kwame, "Don't Be Cruel" era Bobby Brown and Troop.

Nice. I'm feelin' it. I won't wear those clothes again (no Cross Colors?), but I'm feelin' it.

Also, kind of frightened that at 30 the music of my youth is "retro." I prefer "out of style."

But speaking of "Don't Be Cruel" era Bobby Brown ...

This isn't him.

ASCAP RHYTHM & SOUL AWARDS

No. It's old, formerly (currently?) cracked out, Whitney-less Bobby Brown. The self-proclaimed "King of Stage" took the stage, along with the rest of New Edition, at the ASCAP Rhythm and Soul Awards June 23.

"Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike, if I love a girl who cares who you like!" (Ralph and Johnnie too, yeah ... word tha mutha!)

And if that passage made no sense to you, my word, I am so depressed now. And why is Ralph Tresvant bald? I loved Ralph when I was in junior high (not more than I loved Tevin Campbell because I loved no one more than Tevin at the time.) But I still listen to Ralph's solo album to this day. I can't listen to his whiny rap on the track "Rated R" without laughing (who can?), but "Do What I Gotta Do" still holds up well.

Other people found to be still alive at the ASCAP Rhythm and Soul Awards ...

MC Lyte (So many kinds of wrong. One part Roman, one part WTF.)

Tichina Arnold (I'm a little weirded out by her side-boobage.)

And alleged Pussycat Doll Melody Thorton and her hideous peek-a-boo toe high heeled boots.

CELEBRITIES OUT AND ABOUT

The lanky NBA Finals champ (finally) Kevin Garnett in Manhattan, NY.

Cellphone assassin/professional clothes wearer Naomi Campbell doing something good (as she is wont to do). This time she was lending her criminal star shine to the Africa Rising Festival June 25. Naomi is all about the motherland. Although I am concerned about this wig she has on.

She makes too much money to be wearing something that looks like what I can purchase at a King's Beauty Supply on West Florissant. (That's North St. Louis County for the non-St. Louisans. The Koreans have the fake hair, beauty product market on lock.)

Rosario Dawson looking very, very pretty in white on June 22. The bag is an Eco bag she designed for some save the earth thingy for Absolute Vodka. Oh, Rosario. I don't believe there was much "designing" going on with this bag, but you look almost dainty and ethereal for a crazy, crazy woman.

I'm assuming this jacket is for warmth as Rihanna leaves Madison Square Garden June 18 after show with Ne-Yo because it's totally ruining what looks like a pretty cute cocktail dress. It's a little "jazz hands" and Solid Gold, but it's cute on her.

Ne-Yo. I realize this is because I'm not hip like I used to be, but I tend to get Ne-Yo confused with Mario, Trey Songz, Ray J and Omarion. Technically, I know who Ray J is. Before he used to be just Brandy's little brother. Now he's that gross guy with the porn tape. But vocally there's a lot of crossover going on and it doesn't help that they're all basically weaker versions of Usher Raymond and I hate Usher Raymond.

ISLAND DEF JAM TAG RECORDS LAUNCH PARTY

"If me and Janet got married I'd be Jermaine Jackson. Heh, heh ... wait. That didn't sound right."

Look away! Look away!

Whew. That was a close one. I almost looked JD in the eye ... wait, OHMYGOD WHAT IS THAT???!


Hot Dollar. That has to be a joke right? Hot Dollar sounds like a pimp Eddie Griffin once played in an Ice Cube production.

Evan Ross. As a fan of boys who sometimes look like girls ... you look great, Son-of-Diana ... Brother-of-Tracee. Even if you do have on over-sized aviator shades and the way you're grabbing your belt is evocative of Michael Jackson's crotch grabbing era of the 1990s. Never did one man grab his crotch so much in order to pantomime sexual prowess. What's sad is I feel like that had a lot to do with Motown marketing him as a sex symbol at ten. I'm sure that didn't screw him up at all.

Now go eat something, Evan. You're wasting away.

The pale half of Kid n' Play, Chris Reid.

Jurnee Smollett. I love you, but I'm not supposed to see your bra. Try some double-stick tape next time. Also, not feeling your outfit, but you've transitioned pretty well from child actress to ... whatever you're going for here. You're a good actress, though. You've always had the chops. Just don't get all tricked out with fake boobs and start making "Me sooo sexy" faces all the time like your "Eve's Bayou" co-star Meagan Good. I love her too and she is almost too sexy, leading me to opine, less can be more.

STEVE RIFKIND AND SRC'S POST-BET AWARDS PARTY IN HONOR OF STEVEN HILL

Ashanti's 1920s hair and Nelly

Big Boi and actor Ryan Philippe (never noticed those flame tats on Ryan's arm before. Were those there pre- or post-divorce from Reese?) And it's still disturbing how he still looks like he could be Justin Timberlake's brother. He also looks like he could kick Justin's ass, but that's why Ryan's sexier than Mr. SexyBack. Don't talk about it, be about it, Justin!

I don't know who's scarier here. Lil' Kim with her blonde wing, fake lashes and general bleached out look; Diddy looking puffy with his slight paunch, cap curiously backwards; or Lil' Wayne ... no words there.

I'll be safe and say it's a tie between the two "lil's."

Hmmm ... with this hat I'm wondering ...

Separated at birth?

Friday, June 27, 2008

Of Love and Unforgiveness

This is the tenth entry of "The Chip On My Shoulder Is A Boulder," a series on the complex relationships between black women and their mothers. The series will run through this week. Previous entries include "The Adoptee," "The Rebel," "The Gypsy," "She Did Her Best," "The Reluctant Mother," "The Narcissist's Daughter," "The Survivor," "The Baby" and "The Rock." The series will conclude on Monday.

In this final item from the readers, a daughter contemplates where within whom her real disappointment lies -- the father who hurt her, the mother who remained silent or herself.

The Silencer has chosen to focus on avoidance and remaining quiet rather than confronting her true emotions or her mother.

This method might be the path of least resistance, but it's a psychological burden that's never easy.

THE SILENCER

I love my mother, a lot more than she realizes. My friends and I affectionately call her the "Precious Lamb" because she is one of the sweetest, most gentle and well, precious, people you'll ever meet. For some reason, though, she hardly ever hears from me, her only child, how much I care for her.

Over the years I've come to realize that my silence is due to anger and resentment, old wounds that refuse to heal. My mother, like other mothers, didn't protect me. At least, she wasn't as vigilant as I wanted her to be. Even though she would do whatever I ask of her, there's one area where I wanted her to speak up and yet she didn't.

My father, her husband, was and is emotionally and verbally abusive. He never beat us with his hands, but his words stung regardless. Sometimes the rants and verbal hits were so brutal that I secretly wished to be slammed or pummeled. At least a physical beating would be quicker. A physical beating would leave scars that he could see. Instead, when I was, he'd yell even louder. "What are you crying for? What are you afraid of? I haven't laid a finger on you!" Maybe if he saw the pain he inflicted, then he'd have a change of heart.

This is the source of anger I have towards my mother. She saw the pain. She saw the devastation in my eyes when my father said I was "stupid" and "ugly" on a regular basis. While she tried to soothe my tears, she never once stood up to him and said "Enough!" Her answer to everything was to be strong and to love my father because the Bible instructs us to love and forgive everyone.

It's taken time for me to realize that she couldn't protect me because she didn't know how to protect herself. Unfortunately, I look at my current relationships with men and see the cycle repeating itself.

Boyfriends and lovers have never hit me, but I've had boyfriends degrade me in numerous ways. And like my mother, I stay. I stay silent. I apologize for whatever I did to make them call me "dumb" or "fat." I continue to humiliate myself by giving to someone who, in hindsight, clearly doesn't deserve my generosity. My anger rises not at these inadequate men, but at my mother for not setting a better precedent. I wonder if she would've stood up to my father, would I be chasing after these men? Would it be easier for me to spot out the future abusers? Would I be courageous enough to leave? Most of all, I'm mad at myself for blaming her and not my father, the real cause of these problems.

Maybe one day I'll tell me mom exactly what she means to me. I just hope I can work up the courage to do so for it's too late.

The Snob ... On the Radio ... About Race! (Update)

UPDATE ON RADIO LINK BELOW!

Some new developments in Snob-land. I'm going to be on the radio at 11 a.m., Monday, June 30, to talk about black people, black issues and black culture at our local NPR station, KWMU 90.7, on the campus of University of Missouri - St. Louis.

As usual, I'm working on a book (when am I not working on a book?), but instead of one of my many novels, this will be a book based somewhat on my Secret Council of American Negroes blog. It's a satire book. Don't get excited! I haven't sold it to anyone and it's NOT finished. But it's based on what I'm going to be talking about on the radio, which is "everyday blackness," a thing most non-black people are not very astute about, but in the Obama era, folks could use a quick brush up on.

That said, this is a LOCAL broadcast. If you're not in the St. Louis City/County area it won't be heard. But if there is a link to it that I can post on my blog I will post it. If not ... um ... maybe someone will record it and post it. You never know. Any of you St. Louis readers know how to do that? Because I totally do not.

Never mind! Monie provided a link KWMU has for live-feeds. She's obviously not as lazy as me.

Yours truly in blackness,

The Snob.

Love Will Keep Us Together

Can you feel the love?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!

I'm aware that some people are still waiting for the other shoe to drop in this marriage of convenience, but I'm sorry. I don't see that coming. Everyone has too much to lose here. Barack wants to be president. Hillary wants to be president ... someday. He wants her supporters. She wants help with her debt. It might forced, calculated and formal, but this is it.

I have to suppress the eye-rolling with the pundits and political reporters who went from wondering why Clinton was still in the race to asking Barack if he would pick Clinton as his VP to calling for Clinton to endorse Barack.

Then when she did endorse him, they glossed over the fact that she was pretty effusive and gracious. Then the pundits whined and cried when the Clintons, both of them, politely went into the background leaving them wondering where the Clintons were and why they hadn't seen them. And now that Hillary and Barack have been talking they want to know where Bill Clinton is and what was up with his tersely worded statement that he'd support Barack. What did that mean? The pundits cried. WHAT DID THAT MEAN???

I suspect that if Barack does become president, come inaugural day the chattering class will celebrate this historic moment by asking, "but what do the Clintons' think?"

I realize some people hate the Clintons. Well, I hate the people covering the Clintons. That's why I'm staging an intervention. Pundits, I hate to have to tell you this but you're addicted to the Clintons. Seriously. And it's hurting everyone who watches you.

You could talk about Barack and his campaign, but nooooo. Even when Bill and Hill are not out whoring for news you're still in the studio and at your news desks wondering why they aren't out whoring for news. This must be a trick, you cry! Ummm ... they lost, assholes. That's why you haven't seen or heard from them. It's over.

On "Hardball" last night Chris Matthews spent, like, three minutes talking about John McCain and the other 45 minutes talking about Barack, Hillary and Bill. The damn primary is over and they're still following the "Where the Clintons go, news shall follow" policy.

Sometimes I wonder if it ever occurred to them that maybe Barack didn't want Bill Clinton doing a whole bunch grandstanding and clogging up his spotlight with a big attention grabbing endorsement to obscure his wife's big attention grabbing stumping for Obama. So he doesn't want to show up with him. Fine. Didn't all you pundits agree he was a liability who harmed his wife's campaign? So now you want him to show up and ruin Barack's campaign? Let the man stay in Europe for God's sake. Let him move there, if he so pleases. After all, he didn't run against Barack in the primary. HIS WIFE DID. And she's going to stump with the man. Love conquers all. Move on.

Stop beating a dead Clinton campaign and cover the general election, dammit! John McCain is fumbling around in the dark and all you can think about is how to get your Clinton fix. When Bill went back to working for his charity I saw Jack Cafferty in an alley freebasing Ron Paul just to make it through the day. If only they could boil the Clintons down to a hard rock substance that you could smoke to get your high.

I just want to tell you, Michelle Bernard, Chris Matthews, Andrea Mitchell, Tucker Carlson, Wolf Blitzer, George Will, Maureen Dowd, et al -- I'm taking your Clinton Crack Pipe away. You can have it back when the Clintons actually do something newsworthy like, convince Chelsea to move to Rhode Island and run for governor. Or when Hill and Bill run for United Nations Secretary General and Pope.

I got that line from Saturday Night Live, but I digress ...

If you're a pundit or political news reporter and you are for some reason reading by blog, I suggest that you take this handy quiz to see if you may be a Clinton Crack Addict.

ARE YOU A CLINTON CRACK ADDICT?

When you see a picture of Barack Obama do you think, "I wonder if Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary with Gina Gershon?"

Did you stake out the home of Dorothy Rodham for eight days straight just to accost her in a grocery store asking if Hillary was "emotional" over her $25 million in campaign debt and if she'd cried to her recently about how "sad" she was over not winning?

When you see a picture of John McCain do you think, "McCain-Clinton '08? It could happen."

Did you name your dog or cat "Billary?"

Do you end every report, "But what does Hillary want?"

When you look at a picture of Barack with black voters do you indistinctly want to refer to them as ex-Bill Clinton supporters?

When you see a picture of Mitt Romney do you think, "He would make a good Secy. of Commerce in a McCain-Clinton Administration ... wait, no! In a CLINTON-McCain administration! Yes! Yes! That could happen, right? Right?"

Does the Secret Service have your name on file because they caught you inside Hillary Clinton's Washington, D.C. home trying on her pantsuits?

Are you doodling "Chelsea Clinton 2024" over and over on your reporter's notebook?

If you answered yes to any of these answers, you sir or madam, are a Clinton Crack Addict. Please, get thee to Betty Ford stat, lest you catch Baracknaphobia (or Barachphilla. Both are potentially troublesome). And try to space out the politics with some war coverage. We do have two, TWO wars going on. Just a suggestion.

She Needed Fulfillment

This is the ninth entry of "The Chip On My Shoulder Is A Boulder," a series on the complex relationships between black women and their mothers. The series will run through this week. Previous entries include "The Adoptee," "The Rebel," "The Gypsy," "She Did Her Best," "The Reluctant Mother," "The Narcissist's Daughter," "The Survivor" and "The Baby."

There is a familiar parable, oft repeated in churches across America, of a house with its foundation built up a rock versus that of a house built upon sand.

You can guess which house was able to weather the storm.

If a bond between a mother and child is built upon a rock that relationship can withstand the turbulence of a gloomy household, a broken family, the rebellious teen years and the many efforts to try, try and try again to make that bond stick. Even if you grow apart. Even if you grow away, The rock is still there for you to build on. Despite the fissures and perceived weaknesses, the heart of the rock is still strong.

THE ROCK

I don't know if I ever trusted my mother. I remember loving her but consciously it was in a protective way. I was her protector or at least I wanted to be.

I remember being 12 and asking her to leave my father because he wasn't good for her. I tried to make her understand that it wouldn't hurt me if she left him. It would make me happy. I didn't think I was suggesting all of that for my own selfishness. I was a pretty compassionate child despite my nature at the time, which was very anxious and unsettled. But I became very calm and able to collect myself when I was in a position of giving advice or when becoming someone's rock.

I was asking her to leave my father because I didn't want to see her hurting any more. She had a naturally bright and sun-shiny personality, living in a self-made cave with a man who hated it when the curtains were raised to let the light in. Quite literally, our house was always dark, and to this day, my Father, whom my mother finally left, lives in a dark house where the curtains are always drawn. Maybe he is subconsciously simulating a womb that he misses or feels he was ripped from too soon. I don't know. He was a misogynist for as long as I knew him, until my mother decided she was done hating her life and left the relationship.

I must have bore resentments towards my Mother. I don't remember feeling safe and may have inadvertently projected my irritation with my father's lack of ability or seeming willingness to provide security onto her. I wanted him to at least act as if he was concerned that his children felt they were secure.

I made my mind up early that men were weak and it was the woman's job to guard her children, even from their father. The psyche is an interesting machine. My mother spoke to me rationally in my childhood. She laid the foundations for my interest in psychology by explaining that my father didn't hate me, he hated himself and I was a reflection of him. It made sense. The logic made a lot of my anger go away. I was able to see him as a human with issues. But I wonder where my mercy was for my mother when she had her moments of weakness,and needed her space. Perhaps I had patterned myself after my father and thought that I owned her. Perhaps it was only OK for her to feel if she was sharing her feelings with me?

I started to bounce between the houses of her, my father and a few aunts around age 15. I wasn't a nightmare of a teen, but I wasn't innocent. I did lie about sleep overs to hang out after hours with groups of my peers. I started smoking cigarettes and enjoyed the occasional five finger discount.

By 17 my Mother and I weren't much in touch and she moved to another state with her new husband, a man I could not stand at the time. Our relationship became very plastic after that. I eventually told her over the phone that I didn't like the plastic nature of our relationship and she cried. It broke my heart to hear it. I really couldn't handle it, and abstained from saying anything that would hurt her for at least another 10 years until I finally had to confront her again about a similar gripe. That time it was done without spite because she needed to hear it.

I was very busy unconsciously collecting pity from my social circle for at least several years and I was too angry with her for not being perfect and attending to my every need. I was too angry to realize that leaving my father was very difficult for a Catholic woman who'd been taught to stick with her marriage no matter what. It didn't occur to me that she had probably envisioned a beautiful time for us in an apartment that was the very first apartment she'd rented without him by her side. I just expected her to adjust and realize I was a teenager and needed to spread my wings. Especially since we'd finally escaped the maw of the dragon we'd lived with for some many utterly depressing years.

Overtime we've come to be reasonably close. It's a telephone relationship mostly, because she still lives out of state, but I enjoy her and am thankful that I've been blessed to know her and mend fences so to speak. I'm a mother myself now, and have (I think) a pretty firm grasp on the logic of how the Mother-Child thing works.

Mother = symbol of need fulfillment. Pretty tall order for a human.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Her Mother's Best Friend

The wrong story was posted earlier today. Sorry for the inconvenience!

This is the eighth entry of "The Chip On My Shoulder Is A Boulder," a series on the complex relationships between black women and their mothers. The series will run through this week. Previous entries include "The Adoptee," "The Rebel," "The Gypsy," "She Did Her Best," "The Reluctant Mother," "The Narcissist's Daughter" and "The Survivor."

Our mothers may be flawed, but they can also be beautiful in their own colorful ways, just as a fighter can be beautiful in spite of her scars.

For The Baby, she grew up feeling cherished by her mother even if she could take things a little far at times. Her love was always there even when things were going at their worst. She was always a fighter, right or wrong, for her children.

THE BABY

I find it really hard to really pinpoint my relationship with my mother. She is my best friend in the sense that while I do not call her every day and tell her every detail of my life, she is my TRUEST friend. She is my unconditional friend. If I killed someone she'd probably turn me in (depending on who it was and how it went down), but she would still love me and root for me during the trial.

Anyway, here's just something that I wrote about her:

One day while in college my mother came home from class to find that her roommate had hung her stuffed animals from the ceiling in individual nooses.

My mother tried to kill her. She told me the story once ending the tale with:

"Now, in retrospect, I can understand how people might think that my response might have been a bit extreme but I must assure you that I was left no option other than charging that girl and putting my hands around her throat and applying pressure until her eyes began to pop and she began to change color. She had to be stopped. That kind of thoughtlessness cannot be permitted to exist in the world. First my babies then Lord knows what else she was capable of. This is how sociopaths get their start. And I was raised Christian. An eye for an eye."

Luckily her other roommates succeeded in pulling her off the girl and Florida A&M responded by giving my mother her own room for the next three years.

When I was eleven, she took my siblings and I to the little park near our school for a talk and told us she was leaving Daddy. She told us that Daddy and Mommy weren't making each other happy anymore and that she wanted to take us to Connecticut with her because we were her babies and she loved us. She was discrete and even though we were children we knew that Daddy's drinking had gotten out of hand and that the scary incidents were happening too frequently for comfort. And I'd heard the story of what'd happened to the last person who'd messed with Mommy's babies.

That was 17 years ago. We moved to Connecticut. My mother was on welfare for a while but eventually got off of it and bought a little house. My mother was demanding. Unrelenting. Unrepentant. Imperfect. Particular. She was a rock for us even when she didn't have one for herself. After life as she'd planned it fell apart and she found herself suddenly 40 and a single mother of 3 she soldiered on. Through depression and piling credit card bills and loneliness she kept us in house and home and clothes and school trips and vacations and hope and love.

Dad disappeared. After the last ten years of complete radio silence he's re-emerged. Navigating the possibilities of a relationship is hard for me. He has not been making it easy. My mom said, "Listen, I called your father and told him that he needed to get it together. I told him that this was no longer about he and I but about you kids. Frankly, that's all that I care about in this situation, my babies. I told him that he needed to get it together and stop hurting you because I wasn't going to stand for it. I'm your mother and I love you."

Because I'm still her baby.