Monday, March 31, 2008

Google Stalking TJ Holmes

Suzanne Malvueax, you lucky bitch!

Because I care ... The Black Snob works her best to scour the internet to find you the best in random TJ Holmes coverage.

1. Did you know that last year GBM News named TJ their "sexiest man alive" of 2007? It's a gay men of color blog site. Who knew! Also: comforting to know that not only do I have to fight Chili, all you other TJ-a-holics and the gays to get to TJ. Thanks gays! Yet another thing in the way.

2. But wait! Is there hope? Some random blog says that Chili has pumped and dumped TJ already? Dump TJ? That has to be a lie. Who would dump TJ? You don't dump TJ Holmes, as his ex-wife can attest, TJ Holmes dumps you! Or, um ... yeah, maybe I stole TJ from Chili. Yeah. I'm putting that story out there. It was me. Hands off gays!

3. Did you know that TJ was an actor in one episode of some British show called "Doc Martin?" Who knew?

And that is all for this installment of Black Snob's Googling Stalking TJ Holmes. Feel free to satiate yourself with pictures of TJ from my flickr page or check out my previous stalking coverage.

Somewhere Baby Jesus Is Crying

Wyclef, above and hideous. Some alleged "Aleesha" person and Big Tigger. My God. He still has a job there?

Oh my God! The ignorance! It burns! It burns!

It was time again, unfortunately, for BET's 2008 "Spring Bling," their jackleg version of MTV's longest-running porno, Spring Break. Do you think they are kind of salty that they named it "Spring Bling" back before white folks discovered the word? I mean, the minute my old paper in Bakersfield, Calif. started using "bling" I knew that shizz was DOA, yet BET clings to it. Lame, BET. Lame!

Mike Jones and this Flo Rida character. And I thought the rappers looked haggard when I was a kid. Give me Eazy-E's unattractive mug and Biggie's fat self any day. Long as Big keeps the shirt on.

DJ Khaled, Birdman and, dear sweet Joseph and Mary, Lil' Wayne.

Lil' Wayne: This ugly on accident or on purpose? Discuss.

Top, a "guest" with a Shay "Buckeey" Johnson and below, St. Louis' own Chingy and a "model." And I use the term "model" very loosely. Stripper, maybe. Cover girl for "Low Riders Monthly" perhaps. No. Low Riders Monthly is far too classy a gig.

I just hope that Spring Bling has 100 percent less fake lesbian making out on it. MTV used to go nuts with the Girls Gone Wild footage back when I was in high school. There's nothing I can't stand more than a couple of girls making out because they enjoy debasing themselves for the menfolks. I mean, if you're an actual Lesbian I guess go nuts, but I'm going to go out on a limb and gather that most Lesbians don't want to make out to turn men on. I mean, dare I say, maybe with Lesbians it's not about men.

Et tu, Lupe Fiasco?

There was a time people were worried if Wreckx-n-Effect would ruin my fragile little mind. Somehow I think we've gone farther than Teddy Riley ever envisioned. These folks make the chick in the bikini fake playing the sax at the beginning of "Rumpshaker" look classy. (All pics from WireImage)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Does Condi Heart Barack? She'll Never Tell

This is part two of an installment on the varying opinions of black conservatives, moderates and Republicans on Barack Obama where The Snob searches for answers to her privy: Will black Republicans be playing on Team Obama come the general? On Sunday conservative pundit Amy Holmes went up for bat. Today we take a look at Condoleezza Rice’s words and thoughts on Obama.

Before I can talk about Condoleezza Rice, I have to dump some of my own racial, gender Condi psycho-drama in your lap. Apologies. I'm incapable of writing about the woman without a disclaimer.

Condoleezza Rice has always been a bit of conundrum for me as a Liberal and as a black woman. On one hand, I think she’s done a horrible job, both as National Security Adviser and presently as the Secretary of State. She spent far too much time trying to warp the reality to her bosses world view than give him an unvarnished look at things. Yet, I bristle when people attack Rice on things other than her foreign policy decisions.

Translation: If you tell me you think Condoleezza Rice has compromised her integrity for her bosses ego fine by me. But if you attack her personally I’m pretty appalled. Mostly because a person can be wrong and you can still address their issues without resorting to accusing her of wanting to destroy the world because she can’t get laid. I’m pretty sure that if Condi wanted a man she would have one. And secondly, I don’t think it’s anyone’s damn business. No one ever asks these questions of men. Somehow your martial status past 35 becomes fair game if you’re a woman who is dedicated to her career. After all, no one concludes Vice President Dick Cheney wants to destroy the world because he’s overweight and the rest of the world is thinner than him.

And translation of that translation: Condi and I effectively come from the same background, the black middle class. I know what it's like for people to make up assumptions about you based on the flimsiest of guises. I don’t have to agree with her politics to emphasize with her. No one knows how complicated it is to be a black woman more than other black women.

But what does Condoleezza Rice think of Obama? Would she side with her political ideology or would she find it hard to not be swayed by Obama’s historic quest, one that in some ways was similar to her own as she ventured to become the first black woman secretary of state.

Let’s take a look at the tape.

Rice on Obama’s speech about race in America:


While saying repeatedly she did not want to talk about the election campaign -- "I don't do politics" -- and also reiterating her lack of interest in the vice presidential slot, Rice said the United States had a hard time dealing with racial issues.


"There is a paradox for this country and a contradiction of this country and we still haven't resolved it," she said in a detailed reply to questions about Obama and race issues as a whole before next week's 40th anniversary of the slaying of civil rights leader Martin Luther King.


"But what I would like understood as a black American is that black Americans loved and had faith in this country even when this country didn't love and have faith in them, and that's our legacy."


Rice said her own father, grandmother and great-grandmother had endured "terrible humiliations" growing up in the segregated south and yet they still loved America.


Rice on race as a barrier in politics on FOX News Sunday (via AP):


Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice finds Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama appealing and says it won't be much longer before race isn't a barrier to becoming president.

Obama is a top-tier contender among Democrats and his wide support early in the 2008 race "just shows that we've come a very long way," Rice said Sunday. She and the Illinois senator are black.

"I do think we've come a long way in overcoming stereotypes, role stereotypes about African-Americans. I will say race is still a factor. When a person walks into a room, I still think people still see race," Rice said.

"But it's less and less of a barrier to believing that that person can be your doctor or your lawyer or a professor in your university or the CEO of a company. And it will not be long, I think, before it's no longer a barrier to being president of the United States," Rice said.


Rice, no shocker, is playing close to the vest on her opinions on Obama. She has a high profile job with the current administration and is living through a “Draft Condi” movement to make her John McCain’s running mate. I don’t see that happening as Rice, and this is practically a compliment, does not have the massive ego one needs to run for president, vice president even. Your ego has to have its own gravitational pull almost to even consider it.

Rice has made polite comments about Obama in the press and there is no reason to believe that she is wishing him any more ill will than secretly rooting him on. Because Condi’s so mum, she was the hardest to handicap. While it’s true she was a Democrat until the 1984 Mondale campaign (and who didn't want to quit the party after that) and she likely is no where near as hard right as her current employers, she’s not big on sympathy or hand-holding either. Other than joining me and Amy Holmes on the “that could have been me!” end of black bourgeois leanings, if Condi backs Barack, you'll never know because she'll never tell you.

Chances of publicly endorsing Obama: Not as long as she’s a Bushie. And she’s a dyed-in-wool Bushie.

Chances of her voting for Obama: That’s a big question mark. My female intuition (and her family history) makes me want to say yes. What girl could grow up under the dual clouds of racism and racial responsibility and not feel a bit for the Big O? But this is Condi. Other than her love of the piano and football, she keeps all her feelings and emotions out of sight. Considering that I don’t even believe she believes have of the things she says in defense of her boss we may never know what she actually thinks about anything.

Side note: When you go looking for pictures of Rice in the Google Image search you really have to put your “don’t be offended” hat on. While I don’t know which image disturbed me the most – wait, scratch that. It was Condi’s face morphed onto a pitbull. Yeah. That was pretty offensive. And anything that accentuated her nose and thick lips. That was reeeeeeally offensive. So news flash, just because she’s a Republican and you don’t agree with her it’s still rather racist to graph her face onto a tribal African’s National Geographic photo with a George W. Bush in blackface as her bushman hubby. You’d think your Liberal racism immunity credits would protect you from that, but that’s a lie. You can totally be a Liberal and be racist. You wouldn’t be a very good Liberal, mind you, but you can square that circle with enough African bush jokes.

Can't get enough of what black Republicans think of Obama? Well, come back tomorrow. I'll tell you what Ward Connerly thinks! (And what I think he really thinks!) Then keep coming back for 12 more days, because I got a lot more black Republicans were that came from! Don't be scared of what a black Republican might say, Snobbers! If you can't face JC Watts, how can you face al Qaida?

Boondocks on BET

Did you hear the one about the episodes of Aaron McGruder's "Boondocks" that ripped up BET heads Debra L. Lee and Reginald Hudlin and subsquently got ditched from Cartoon Network's Adult Swim? That's been running around the web for a while now, but I just recently stumbled across the videos online today on Liz Burr's blog.

While I quasi fell in black nerd love with McGruder when "Boondocks," the cartoon strip, first debuted, I've been reluctant to watch much of the Cartoon Network reincarnation. While I was able to laugh and cringe my way through "Chappelle Show," on Boondocks I mostly just cringe. It was bad enough when the strip became less character driven as McGruder grew weary under grueling newspaper deadlines, but this show just pushes so far to be provocative that what good there is of it is negated in the fact that the message gets lost in a flurry of expletives, n-bombs and risque sexual humor. I'm not saying that black people can't make edgy, provocative art. We have a tradition of such but there is a point where your message becomes so subversive that it pretty much ceases to exist.

Much like how BET was originally created to be all things to black people -- to both entertain and inform -- "Boondocks" used to be about humor and political insight. I'm not saying that "Boondocks" and BET are on parallel planes. For one, BET is viewed in far more households and has next-to-nil substance. But I could see how someone not attuned to racial politics wouldn't see a difference. Nudity without context is pornography. "Boondocks" starting to suffer from a severe obscuring of context.

That said, here are the "banned" episodes below.



Friend or Frienemies?: Black Conservatives Weigh In On the Presidential Candidacy of Barack Obama

As a true vision of George W. Bush's hallmark catchphrase, is Barack Obama the true "uniter, not a divider" as the one man black Republicans and Democrats can agree on?

Photo from Men's Vouge

A lot of people talk about Sen. Barack Obama in the terms of him bringing Democrats and Republicans together by being willing to cross the aisle and reach out to Republicans. While this notion is nice, I don’t quite see that happening if Obama makes it to the White House. Most Republicans, with a few rare exceptions, have been unwilling to cede any ground to the Democrats, or even the center in some cases. It’s typically the Democrats capitulating as many Democratic senators and representatives were elected as centrists in Republican or moderate districts.

No, the great unification I’m more interested in is the myriad of reactions from black conservatives, politicians and pundits to Obama’s ascension from freshman senator to Democratic sensation.

My curiosity was initially piqued with Colin Powell outted himself as a foreign policy advisor to Barack Obama. It only grew as various black conservative pundits wavered between reserved admiration and dulled dislike for Obama. It's only grown since Secy. of State Condeleeza Rice recently chimed in on Obama's recent speech on race relations in America, largely agreeing with the sentiment of the speech and adding that America has a "birth defect" from being founded by liberty seeking revolutionaries and the black slaves brought here as their beasts of burden.

While Obama has received his fair share of criticism and Liberal boogyman beatdowns from black conservatives, he’s also received a lot of praise. There seems to be a “two-ness” in the black conservative response. As a black person, they’re proud to an extent. But as a Republican they’d rather be rooting for Michael Steele or Alan Keyes. But even with that caveat there are still fissures in the façade. The first black president, ever, is still to delicious of a dream to pass on completely causing many black Republicans to do the same thing that many anti-war, Liberals have done – see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear.

Because I’m willing to take one for the black Liberal team, I took the time to research the opinions of fourteen prominent black conservatives and conservative-leaning moderates and found some surprising (and not surprising) results. While I don’t usually agree with the black Right, I do understand their reasons for being Republicans and/or conservatives. I don’t usually agree with those reasons, but I can see why they came to these conclusions.

“The Talented Fourteenth,” as I’ve so dubbed them, will be profiled throughout the next two weeks with one black conservative a day. Sunday’s installment features CNN gadfly and regular “Real Time with Bill Maher” guest, Liberal-Conservative-Independent-Republican, Amy Holmes.

Holmes, a conservative pundit and former speech writer for Sen. Bill Frist, gets on TV, a lot. It doesn't hurt that she's physically attractive. She talks with confidence in every subject, even those she’s not particularly versed in, even when she's flat out wrong. She sort of reminds me of White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, only I don’t like Dana Perino, yet I am somewhat partial to Holmes, despite never agreeing with her. I can’t really explain or justify it. But I’ll be honest – it’s probably because I’m an educated light-skinned black woman with naturally curly hair who can also talk really, really fast. Plus we both had the "that could have be me!" outrage over Don Imus flippantly tossing around "nappy headed ho" remark about academically exceptional black female student-athletes at one of the United State's oldest institutions.

Our similarities end there. Her opinions on Obama follow below.

On Barack Obama’s “race speech,” from the National Review Online blog – The Corner:

My first reaction? Race speeches are rarely good, and this was no exception. For all of Obama's new talk of change, courage, politics you can believe in, I heard a whole lot of liberal boilerplate dressed up in euphemism and offering no fresh solutions …

(I)n an effort to lay blame everywhere, Obama called out his own grandmother for admitting to her, now, not so secret fear of young black male strangers. He said that when he was growing up her remarks sometimes made him cringe. Well, for my part, hearing him compare a woman who sacrificed for his well-being to a pastor who's only benefited from his association made me cringe. Real courage and real candor is Chris Rock standing on stage telling a packed black audience that seeing young black men on dark lonely night near the glow of an ATM can make him feel nervous, too.


On Anderson Cooper 360’s blog, defending Obama against former Democratic Vice President nominee Geraldine Ferraro attack that Obama was lucky to be in the situation he is in right now, benefiting from being both black and a male:


The answer is simple and on message. Barack is lucky, and he should say so.

He’s lucky to be an American, a citizen of the greatest nation in human history. He’s lucky and blessed to have a smart and beautiful wife who loves him and sustains him, two strong and healthy daughters he has the privilege and responsibility of raising.

He’s lucky to be on the campaign trail meeting his fellow citizens everyday and asking them to spread his message, “Yes we can.” And with luck, hard work, and the support of the American people, he hopes to bring that message to the White House.



And again on The Corner, defending Obama’s blackness credentials:

Certainly, there are powerful forces in the black community to define oneself in political grievance terms. But it seems to me that a lot of the pressure to "keep it real" has been deflated by the fact that so many who make that silly claim are demonstrable and obvious phonies.


Some have argued that you have to take any conservative opinion Holmes has with a grain of salt. Her conservative credentials have been questioned due to her pro-choice stance on abortion, as well as some other “Liberal” views. She’s registered as an “independent” and many people have alluded that she touts herself as a conservative purely out of the fact that as an attractive young black woman she would get more press and more work if she leaned conservative.

The question for Amy Holmes is really this: are the things she says on CNN, FOX, and Real Time with Bill Maher really her opinion, or is she just spotlight-seeking? After all, this is the woman who in 2000 admitted to The Daily Princetonian that “I love photo shoots. I understand now why celebrities get addicted.” – Teague Bohlen, Demver Blog, Westworld


But, for what it’s worth, she did donate $250 to black Republican Michael Steele’s failed bid for senate in 2006.

Holmes has been, at best, mixed on Obama. She’s both defended and criticized him. Her criticism has mostly centered on Obama being a “Liberal” and accusing him of reinforcing anachronistic notions of race when Holmes feels Americans, black and white, have evolved past some of the issues bolstered by the, ahem, race hustling poverty pimps of the black progressive Left.

Shock of all shocks, I actually think Holmes is sincere in both her defense and, to a lesser extent, her criticisms of Obama. While she does brandish the Scarlet “L” around, I can’t tell how much of her heart is behind that. I’m not a mind reader, but from what I’ve seen of Holmes repeatedly on CNN, she doesn’t seem particularly interested in bashing Obama besides getting in a few talking points. She’s typically more interested in tearing into his opponent, Hillary Clinton.

This isn’t saying that Holmes will be plunking $250 down for Obama, but I wouldn’t be shocked if she came out for him or voted for him either. Although Holmes and I haven’t agreed on anything other than “Don Imus should be fired” and “Republicans should reach out to the black community more,” she seems to be – I don’t know – reasonable. She’s just as excited about the prospect of a black president as the next black person despite the fact he doesn’t hold the exact same views as her.

This is not so much different as Irish Catholics voting for Kennedy in 1960 and Mormons voting for Mitt Romney in 2008. There is something intrinsically exciting and visceral about one of your own, a favorite son, making a go of it. Black people, even black Republicans, are not immune to this.

Final conclusions

Chances of endorsing Obama: What? And ruin her chances of getting on TV all the time? As if!

Chances of voting for Obama: This is a no brainer. Conservative or no, she’s voting for him in the general. That’s just my opinion, mind you. I have no facts or imperical evidence. But I’ve seen her teeter-totter on the Liberal-Conservative divide, and I have a gut feeling of "truthiness" that she’s going to fall into the Obama camp, albeit secretly, if he’s the nominee.

___________________________________________________

Check back to The Black Snob all this week on my series "Friend of Frienemies: Black Conservatives On Barack Obama," concluding on April 18th.

Monday: Condoleezza Rice
Tuesday: JC Watts
Wednesday: Shelby Steele
Thursday: Alan Keyes
Friday: Ward Connerly
Saturday: Colin Powell
Sunday: Armstrong Williams
Monday: Michael Steele
Tuesday: John McWhorter
Wednesday: LaShawn Barber and Herman Cain
Thursday: Star Parker and Eric Wallace
Friday: A final analysis, “Who Would Clarence Thomas Vote For?”

Friday, March 28, 2008

Wegro Paradise

Madonna + Justin + Timbaland = Meta Fake Negro Meltdown

4 Minutes by Madonna

I've been listening to Madonna's new Timbaland produced single "4 Minutes." I'm trying to determine if it's gawd awful or genius. It totally sounds like a "Bad" era Michael Jackson song with a horn-infused hip hop "Dangerous" Michael Jackson edge. But MJ rip-offs aside, I can't get over how self-referential this production is.

You've got Madonna, an artist who in the 90s who flat out said she wished she was black. And there's Justin Timberlake who owes the success of his post-blond afro, boy band career to the work of black hip hop producers. Then there's Timbaland, the genius, throwing together a mix that is one part The Jacksons "Can You Feel It" and one part a Mickey D's bastardization of every beat Tim Mosley has ever created.

Then there's Madonna, the "mother of reinvention," still aggressively pursuing the youth market via Tim and Justin even though she's fifty years old now. I'm not saying she should hang up the fishnet tights and crotch shots, but isn't it getting a little silly? While her "Confessions On A Dancefloor" and "Music" were good, she hasn't done anything truly earth shattering since "Ray of Light." Her music has always been a live or die by the hot producers-o-the-minute she's signed up with.

Then you have the whole inside joke of Madonna and Justin singing together. Justin, the ex-boyfriend of Britney Spears who Madonna famously got freaky with on the MTV Video Awards back in 2003 then did a duet on Spears' track "Me Against the Music." Justin who was all on Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson's jocks. The same Jacksons Madonna was obsessed with in the 80s and 90s.

While this song is just kind of ridiculous for Madonna, it's a stand-out for Justin. Madonna's not known for her vocal chops and he basically over-powers her in the same way Beyonce's ululating knifed up all his falsetto and subtlety on the second take of "Until the End of Time." Madonna turns the ex-Mouseketeer into an R&B credibility God. Timberlake, no matter how you feel about him, has way more black acceptance and R&B cred than Madonna ever had.

When she bemoaned her lack of blackness in the 90s it was because she wanted to be taken seriously as an artist by the black community, but tragically, Madonna's weak vocals kept her on the back burner. Despite making a serviceable R&B album out of "Bedtime Stories" she just didn't have the shit it takes to compete in the brutal "Showtime At the Apollo" world of black music. And it didn't help that black people already have one marginal singing pop sex Goddess. And her first name ain't baby. It's Janet. Miss Jackson if you're nasty.

Until now Madonna always had the good sense not to do duets with black singers better than her (or white singers better than her for that matter). There were no *MJ, JJ, Stevie Wonder, Lenny Kravitz (and I don't count "Justify My Love"), Patti LaBelle, Terrence Trent D'Arby, Tina Turner, Whitney Houston, Boys II Men, Mariah Carey or Beyonce collaborations. No George Michael, Boy George, Elton John, Michael MacDonald, Annie Lennox, Cher, Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguliera or Fergie duets. No one who could make her sound like crap. She flirted with R&B disaster on "Take A Bow" with Babyface, but that turned out wonderful, mostly because 'Face is such an excellent producer.

But Justin finally found a popular vocalist he could make sound like shit. He's ripping up and down "4 Minutes" all elated at being the hottest thing on this hip pop concoction. You can almost see the MJ-esque pirouettes he's is doing in the studio while resisting the urge to accent the whole thing with "hee-hees!," "ooh-hoos!" and "Shamons!" All Madonna can do to keep up is repeat her the pop assist she gave Brit on "Me Against the Music." And even though MJ is a hot mess right now, the production of the song gives me hope that Tim will save a beat or two for black music's own personal Howard Hughes because if this had been a Michael Jackson/Justin Timberlake production there would have been blood on the dance floor.

For real this time.



*Snob reader I Am Not Star Jones pointed out to me that Prince and Madonna sang a duet together, "Love Song" from "Like A Prayer." I originally had him listed under Negroes Madonna avoided singing with. But she did not release it as a single, so on a technicality she was still playing chicken.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Caught Between Corny and Snob Place

I hate to blow anyone's grand illusions of my degrees of snobbishness, but I wasn't raised a Negro "sophistocrat." Sure, I was taught to assimilate and enunciate words correctly, I took piano lessons, but I'm not an actual stuck up person. Quite honestly, I hate uppity people.

Case in point, The Root.

I'm trying desperately to warm up to the site and while it is ten-thousand percent not as offense to me as, let's say Bossip or MediaTakeOut, I'm just not feeling it. It's just ... how would one put it? A joy killer.

The Snob is trapped in two worlds, ya'll. But my two worlds both exist in the black side of the universe. I feel so much guilt when I am not able to relate to certain members of my family because we grew up with such vast disparities in class, income and education that one us is speaking Pig Latin and the other Esperanto.

Yet, in my bland, suburban childhood all the black people I knew were these dull ass-clowns who only cared about name-brand everything and making fun of "poor" black people. I swear. If we weren't all Negroes at least 75 percent of them could have become Republicans.

I shudder at the thought.

So this is what I'm dealing with here.

The Root has not one, not two, but THREE articles on the new Tyler Perry film. Two articles are about how Tyler Perry's movies are bad for you and one why they're kind of bad, but it's OK, because it's a good thing the chitlin' circuit is going mainstream.

It's all navel gazingly snooty.

Perry's brand of evangelical entertainment may be unabashedly black, but is also unabashedly conservative. A Tyler Perry product, whether in film or on television, in play or book form, plays directly to his black Christian female audience by building on a simple synthesis of everyday black narratives with recognizable black characters and standard black church rhetoric.

The resolution of each piece of work is grounded in simply having a stronger Christian faith. But that message, while sold as an empowering populist articulation of the black experience, is ultimately not empowering at all. To the contrary, Perry's formula seems to call for more docility from black folk, manipulating them to be more accepting of their social conditions, and encouraging them to turn primarily to God to solve secular problems.


No shit!

Tyler Perry's encouraging black Christian conservative stereotypes!
Were you born black yesterday? The majority of black people are socially conservative. That's why The Snob, a secular raised, urban friend-o-the-gays, does not like Perry's films any more than liberal white people enjoy NASCAR and the humor of Larry the Cable Guy.

Please, The Root's Andrew C. Willis. Stop clutching your pearls and jangling your heart medication. Save the outrage for BET. That's were black women are being assailed every day. And aside from my issue with black men in drag, black women tend to be presented in a more favorable light in a Perry production. Like, they get actual speaking parts and get to look pretty and laugh and fall in love. If the shit weren't so corny I would watch it.

I wish black people were more socially Liberal but you're going to have to come a little hard than this to compete with Perry's box office gross. Your energy would be better spent fighting to get blacks more integrated politically, socially, educationally and in the workplace. Your arm is too short to box with black folks love of Jesus.

Then The Root has this lengthy, "playa hatin'" diatribe by Gary Dauphin where he tries to convince me that there is something sinister a-foot about "Stuff White People Like."

I'll confess that part of my antipathy is just old-fashioned player hate. Nothing gets under my (colored, nearly-middle-aged) skin like the spectacle of a twentysomething white kid doing what twentysomething white kids do all the time, namely, play on some or another aspect of their race for smug fun and profit. Lander has already reportedly been offered a $350K-plus book deal from Random House. (Can a VH1 Special be very far behind?) People of color are constantly accused of playing various race cards, but "White boy makes good by being white" is hardly a man-bites-dog story ...
Seen in that light, SWPL's innovation ... is a classic blue-eyed soul (white) power move: take a colored discourse, eliminate the messy colored bits, and watch the hits roll in. Does every discussion about identity have to be about colored folks? No, of course not. Talk amongst yourselves, white folks, really. By all means.

By the end he's referring to Greg Tate's Everything But the Burden, but wait? Isn't the Stuff White People Like guy making fun of ... gasp ... white people? Justin Timberlake wants to be black without the burden, grindin' on Janet Jackson but dashing away from the nipple-gate fall out. This white dude wants to make fun of other nervous, yuppie white Liberals. Those left-leaning nervous nellies we're all friends with!

You know? The nice white people. Why are we bashing the white people we like? Why is it not OK for them to make fun of the little guilty white Liberal who lives inside of them? My word, fellow snobby black people, sometimes it isn't about you!

And see! This is where I live. I live with one foot in "Schlitz drinkin', Flo-Rida-is-an-ass-jigglin'-poet" country and the other in "The Land of the Pretentious Jerks Who Occasionally Write For The Root."

I don't know who I can't stand more. The hicks who call me bourgeois or the bourgeoisies who accuse me of not being bourgeois enough! I'm sorry. I don't like hot pickles and Now-Laters. Especially not together! And I don't want to spend hours dissecting Cornell West while pretending to be into Pan-African culture. I'm sorry I always forget to lock your car door because I've never known life without automatic door locks. I'm sorry that I don't own an iPhone and that I eat pork. What do you crazy people want from me?

I swear, if I didn't love black people I'd just run off and go hang out in the gentrified part of the city with the white middle class Liberals and Asians who's idea of upper class is shopping at the Target across town instead of the Wal-Mart near us. Non-black people who couldn't afford to get into the fancy colleges and had to go to state schools, who like literature but still enjoy comic books. Who shop at Banana Republic and eat McDonalds and like NWA. Those people! I will never press my hair straight again. I will let the naps run wild. Or maybe I'll get a relaxer and wear it straight all the time. And I will marry a part-German, part-Dutch, half-Japanese Filipino American State Farm claims adjuster and live in a downtown loft apartment where our furniture was bought at a local Rent-to-Own and Pier 1. We will eat pizza and vanilla milkshakes three times a week and will enroll our 2.5 children into nothing but Catholic School, soccer and math camp, so help me God, I will do it!

But I probably won't.

The blackness has got me, ya'll. It's got me wide open!

OK. I'll apologize, The Root. I didn't mean those things I said about the Banana Republic and Target. I don't like that hip hop junk either. Nah. Too funky. I like jazz now. But only Joshua Redman. And I love India Aire, but not Erykah Badu. And I'm going to send my kids to Jack and Jill and I'll start wearing all my money on my back from now on. Nothing but Donna Karan this and Dolce & Gabbana that. Hair did. Nails done. Oh? You say you want to take me to an NAACP fund-raising dinner? Oh my. I guess that could be fun. I promise to drink tea with my pinky finger extended. Oh, what's that? Say "Z-Phi" in a Whitley Gilbert accent? Sure!

Zeeee-Faaaiyaaayiiia!


Was that too much snark? I can get a little Shaggy from time to time. They call me Ms. Bombastic.

Seriously, though, The Root. I won't dump blackness, but I might go back to reading only Slate again.

Shit, Please Stop Hitting Fan, Love The Snob

Basra, Iraq. (Above) A British soldier. (Below) Anti-Maliki protestors in Basra Tuesday. (AP)

As much as I think I'm right about the Iraq War being the stupidest foreign policy decision made by the US since the War of 1812, I will gladly be wrong if it means time will magically spin backwards and prove George W. right.

I'm a category five on the mocking scale, but I'm naturally a good-hearted and earnest person. Therefore it hurts me when I hear Chimpy going on and on with these ever more grandiose visions of victory n' valor, of this romanticism, Mel Gibson's "Braveheart" version of war, whilst ignoring that depressing people dying, innocence destroyed, ultraviolence and cruelty = hearts hardened part.

From CNN:

Since Tuesday, clashes in Basra and throughout Iraq's Shiite heartland have left more than 100 dead and many wounded in Basra, Baghdad, Hilla, Kut, Karbala and Diwaniya.

Also Thursday, a U.S. government official was killed when militants fired rockets into the Green Zone, a spokesman for the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad said.

Casualty figures from Basra weren't available Thursday, but the number of deaths is expected to rise from the 40 to 50 that had been reported Wednesday.

In Baghdad on Thursday, dozens of gunmen kidnapped the spokesman of the Baghdad security plan, Tahseen Sheikhly. Three of his guards were killed and his house burned in the attack, which an Interior Ministry official said was carried out by "outlaws," a reference to al-Sadr's militia.

Also Thursday, a car bomb explosion killed three people and wounded five others near a police patrol in central Baghdad, an Interior Ministry official said. There are no apparent links to the violence in the Shiite regions.

Witnesses in Basra report smoke rising and gunfire and explosions ringing out across the city, where Iraqi security forces, backed by U.S. and British troops, have been taking on fighters using grenades, mortar rounds and machine guns.


Yet the optimism and perkiness remains. Every thing's shit-eatin'-grin-great! We're one one-hundred-year-long Bhutan Death March away from victory! It's just like that movie "Independence Day" where it took us three days to wipe out a superior race of intergalactic space terrorists ... only longer!

From CNN:

President Bush expressed sympathy Monday for the families of the 4,000 Americans killed in the war in Iraq, promising to make sure their loved ones "were not lost in vain."

"One day, people will look back at this moment in history and say, 'Thank God there were courageous people willing to serve, because they laid the foundations for peace for generations to come,' " Bush told reporters after a meeting at the State Department.

Is it because we haven't experienced a real war on our soil since the Civil War? Is that the reason for the disconnect? And I mean a real war. Where it involved more than buying yellow ribbons and storing up on K rations. A war that was felt by the whole and involved national pain and sacrifice, not the kind of sacrifice you get because you're willing to pay $4 for gas over $2. The kind where your life is dramatically altered in you physical reality, not just in your imagination. Where you actually are dealing with suicide bombings on a daily basis or hearing gunfire several times a day on city streets. Where you can't go to work because you're afraid you'll be kidnapped and held for ransom. Where you're afraid to go to church because you know that this week is the week they're shooting up Catholics or Baptists or Methodists or Unitarians or Jehovah's Witnesses.

Where you couldn't get clean water or food. Where the electricity doesn't work regularly and where no one has picked up the garbage in four years because if there were people to pick up the garbage that would mean life was something like normal.

You know? War war. The kind they've had a-plenty of times in all countries not us, Canada and Australia.

Is it because our noses are so far away from the bodies rotting in the street that we can just saunter around like every thing's Jim Dandy? That we can go to Chilis order the baby back ribs and a margarita the size of my head then regurgitate, waddle home to watch some celebrity sex tape internet porn, then fall asleep peacefully surrounded by our mint condition Star Wars collection figurines, Waumsutta 250-thread-count sheets and central air heating and cooling systems?

I know I'm preaching to the snarky choir on my blog as I haven't come across any war hawks yet, but I've been reading about signs of our crack Spackle of a surge suffering from fissures over the last two months that went unreported in the mainstream press - high turnover in the officer ranks of our military, funding cuts of cash for ex-insurgents, Great Britain declaring "Mission Accomplished" in the south and falling back to their garrison outside of Basra.

But even though I know something horrible is coming, I still don't want it to come. Four-thousand-plus dead isn't a number. Those are fathers and mothers, daughters and sons, sisters and brothers. They are, were people. And they matter. And I feel the same way about the Iraqi dead, which is up well into the 100,000s with many more millions displaced.

How much is this war's continuance not about fear, but all about ego? How much of this death cult action is habitual CYA by a cadre of the US population who just wants to get away with everything, without accountability, damn the process? And how do you make America safer against an enemy that doesn't need to be in Iraq to strike you? We're fighting terrorists, not a country. Al Qaida couldn't take Iraq even if it wanted to. Do the Bushies expect me to believe I am so dumb not to realize that Al Qaida didn't need Iraq to attack us in 2001 and doesn't need it to attack us now? The Shia nor the Sunni nor the Kurds like Al Qaeda. At least the three indigenous groups to Iraq can tell each other apart. They'd probably have an easier time of getting rid of Al Qaida. Oh wait, we learned that from the Surge. They are better at that than us.

Our problem is that we've fucked up things so bad that it would be both immoral for us to leave or stay and that's how the neocons like it. No one wants to be the grown up and deal with this thing responsibly. No one wants to make the hard decisions and sacrifices.

I hate to make comparisons to Adolf Hitler because people fling around his name around so bluntly you'd think he was born with hooves, but before D-Day if the Fuhrer had crunched his numbers and really thought about it, he would have eased up on the whole "rule the world" thing and just settled on ruling most of Europe. The US was really leery of getting involved, despite all the horror stories coming out of Europe. (Apparently the Republicans were something called "isolationists" back then.) Germany was a small country, it could only produce so many soldiers. They had the superior military and technology, but they shouldn't over extend themselves. Why invade Russia? Why threaten Great Britain or other countries outside of the Iberian Peninsula? The Fuhrer could wait for them.

But (yeah?) Hitler didn't care for listening to the "reality-based community" of his day.

I'm not saying Bush is Hitler because that would be an insult to Hitler. Hitler was an arrogant Theocrat who decided most white people weren't white enough. He was not a dumbass. George is an arrogant Theocrat and a dumbass.

He also could never be confused with a sadistic anti-Semite.

There's a difference!

And we're living it.

I just can't take it. Maybe George can watch this (or not watch it, if Condi doesn't say it, it can't be true!), but I give! What do you want? Stop holding the troops hostage. Do you want every military marriage to end in a funeral or divorce? What are we sacrificing for anymore? I'm sick of all the goal post moving, so what do I have to do to get you, George W., out of Iraq today? If I promise to not compare you to Hitler anymore, will you let the troops go? What if I let you read my emails for the rest of your life? What if I vote Republican for the next four elections? What if I vote for Ward Connerly's anti-Affirmative Action initiative?

What I agree to not complain as loudly about our country's racist heritage? What if I write a book proclaiming how you really are the John Wayne/Rambo character that only exists in your mind? What if I wrote that you, George W., wrote the Constitution, won the Civil War, beat the Nazis, the Japanese and the Koreans, that you brought down the Iron Curtain, reunited Europe, bartered the Oslo Peace Accords and made nuclear weapons turn to sunshine and made Skittles rain all across the Middle East as all the peoples of the world turned on their iPods, put on their Budweiser T-shirts, lit up a Marlboro and held hands from Tippecanoe to Uzbekistan singing in perfect American accented English "I'm Proud to Be An American Because At Least I know I'm Free!"

Would you acquiesce then? I am a defeatist, just like you said. That's the difference between you and me.

I'm willing to let you be right rather than watch Solomon chop our troops in half for the sake of your shattered legacy.

I promise. I'll carve you up on Rushmore myself with my fingernails.

Pretty please.

Funny, then depressing

As with all Bushtoons, the laughter is bittersweet. (Click image to enlarge)

To read the rest, check out Mock, Paper, Scissors here.

Jack Moves

The Carpetbagger Report has the scoop on some top dollar Clinton supporters trying to shake down House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for having the gall to say that the Democrat with the most pledged delegates should get the nomination.

It's our girl or we cut of the funds! Or that's at least how I read it when I saw the letter they sent Pelosi on Talking Points Memo.

I swear. They are like a phalanx of Freddy Krugars. Just when you think they're dead they all pop back up again, foaming at the mouth, flinging themselves onto whatever they can. Not to mix metaphors, but their crazy does not die, it multiplies.

Once again, I applaud the Clintonistas for always going that extra mile to dig themselves deeper into that grave while attempting to toss dirt on the Great Black Hope Mongerer. It's not working, considering the latest NBC/Wall Street Journal poll shows that he only moved down two-points in popularity, post the big "race in America" speech.

Poor Hillary's Q rating is at a seven year low.

But I admire their fortitude. When Obama becomes the nominee, I'll appreciate it when they stop impeding progress and start doing this to John McCain. Someone's going to have to be the heavy for the Dems, pushy Clinton backers and I think the heavy is you.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Fey Is Like Gay, But Not: Gov. Matt Blunt

Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt, Kind of Fey but not in the way you're thinking.

This has nothing to do with nothing, but I was downtown in a government office today and saw this portrait of our current Governor Matt Blunt and was dumbstruck at what had to be the feyest, most effete depiction of a politician since 1787 when the politicians still fancied white curly wigs, knickers, brass buckles and stockings.

OK. That was hyperbole. The picture isn't that queer, but maybe it's the way his left hand is clasped over his right wrist, resting on his thigh while he pertly sits on the edge of a chair giving him the illusion of a slight hour glass figure.

Not noticing it? I'll ramble on anyway. This will only take a minute.

Our governor is quite amazingly not embroiled in any current sex scandals, is not a "toilet stall" trisexual. He doesn't have a healthy appetite for hookers (that I know of) or underage interns and pages (that I know of). He's also not involved alleged corruption schemes, like building some bridges to nowhere, I think there's at least four degrees of separation between him and Jack Abramoff, and he hasn't started any intractable wars on false pretenses. Nope, all Blunt has is good ol' fashion cronyism and ethics violations!

Just takes me back to a simpler time where political crisis were all complicated, dull or hard to follow (Iran-Contra, anyone? Teapot Dome Scandal?)

Yet despite only being yellow threat level corrupt he's stepping down after only one term. I think it had something to do with everyone hating him for cutting Medicaid. While I can't say I'm a fan of Lil' Boy Blunt (re: he's a Republican, son of Rep. Roy Blunt), he sure was an especially boyish, sweet-faced looking governor which probably contributed to the fey, foppish dandy thing he has going on in this picture.

But then maybe it's just me? Right?

It's me, isn't it? OK. You're probably right ... but I don't care!

That picture is totally fey!

Well, That Was Quick

From Associated Press, a building damaged in fighting between Sadrists and Iraqi police and below Iraqi police at a checkpoint in Basra.

Was there a speedometer on the surge where once we reached 4,000 war dead things would tip right back over into the Book of Judges?

The Snob doesn't profess to be a great scholar of the Bible, but she is BFF's with two aspiring priests, so for the uninitiated, Judges is the most messed up book in the Bible. A lot of bad things happen in the good book, but hands down, Judges wins as the most violent and disturbing chapter. Go ahead. Flip through it sometime.

But whenever I hear news out of Iraq about our 4,000 war dead and many, many more injured and of the lives destroyed and of the chaos that followed our invasion I think of the Book of Judges. It refers directly to the time when there was no autocratic rule in Judea and every just sort of did whatever they thought fit the job at hand. So it was a lot of battles, revenge killings, a gang rape or two. Everything and everyone was pretty lawless.

The comparison is pretty apropos.

Everyone is doing what they think fits in Iraq, be it forming militias, joining up with foreign interlopers, sidling up to the Americas, joining the insurgency, stock piling weapons, fleeing for their lives, murdering their neighbors based on old grudges, stealing, throwing people into prison without due process and haphazard violent suppression.

Many times I've heard George W., et al, say that Iraq is better off without Saddam Hussein. I always wonder if he actually asked any Iraqis that. It's true that Saddam was a murderous dictator, but it's also true that when Saddam was alive the government was the only one killing people. Neighbors weren't massacring neighbors. Everyone stayed in their sandboxes. There was some semblance of order. The power was on for most hours of the day and there was decent water to drink. If we're talking quality of life issues, for most Baghdad residents and other Iraqis the fall of Saddam ushered in a serious downgrade in everything.

  • No one was getting blown up for just showing up at their job at the university or going grocery shopping.
  • No women were hiding in their houses, afraid to go out because of rapes, kidnapings and the occasional Al Qaeda honor killing
  • No one was waiting in line for days for fuel
  • No one was curled up sleeping with their guns, afraid of who might kick down their door and attack their family.

Going into our second day of violence in Baghdad and Basra it seems ridiculous to act like this mayhem is better than the former. Before Iraq was a police state ruled by a decadent, absolutist ruler. Now Iraq is a broken country of waring, tribal factions with us in the middle taking fire from all sides.

And how was invading Iraq and killing Saddam supposed to make things better? We would have been better off paying the guy a billion to go the fuck away. I mean, he liked money. I think he would have left the country for a billion and a house in Dubai. And that would be two tear drops in a bucket compared to the trillions of luche we're bleeding out now.

There had to have been a better way to usher in a transition of power without destroying the entire hierarchical structure of the country. What we did was the equivalent of someone invading the US, disbanding the judicial, executive and legislative branches and dissolving the US military. All people with party affiliations to the Democrats or Republicans would not be allowed to work for the government pending review. And our new "occupiers" would help us pick our new leaders.

Pick any fantasy scenario based on your own version of horrible:

- The PETA and the Environmental Liberation Front invades and puts Ralph Nader and the Green Party in charge.

- Haiti invades and puts Al Sharpton and Wyclef Jean in charge.

- Mexico invades, puts Delores Huerta in charge.

- Israeli hardliners invade, puts Bill Kristol, Joe Liberman and Paul Wolfowitz in charge.

- Canada invades, puts Jim Carrey and Celine Dion in charge.

I know. Bedlam, it would be. Why did we ever expect anything less?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Things TBS Turns to When The Rainbow Is Enuf

Comic Book Parodies


Parodies of hip hop songs I hate




Excuses to blog about men I find sexually attractive


I'm just all Mariah Carey over Isaiah. Even though I try I can't let go! If wanting a man who will love you even if you're bald is wrong, I don't wanna be right!


Cold Stone Creamery


I'm actually partial to the now retired Strawberry Shortcake Serenade.


Pictures of me rocking The "Aaliyah" Hair in college


I couldn't find a pic with my long bangs swooped over my forehead partially concealing one eye.

New Jack Swing Era R&B


Drawing cartoons



And of course ... a certain someone on the CNN

Oh, TJ. If you were a drug you'd be a Valium with a Percocet Martini chaser. Sigh.

That's better. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let the blood pressure lower and let your inner Whitley Gilbert fly! Say it with me!

Relax, relate, RELEASE!

Gore Ex Machina: Al to the Rescue?

Against better judgment I was watching "The Situation Room" on CNN and Jack Cafferty offered up this insane idea from Florida Rep. Tim Mahoney that if the party is still deadlocked between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, perhaps an Al Gore lead ticket could surface with either a Clinton or Obama veep spot.

Sayeth Mahoney to the TCPalm:

(I)f neither Sen. Hillary Clinton nor Sen. Barack Obama has clinched the nomination by August, Mahoney says we may see a brokered convention, meaning the nominee could emerge from a negotiated settlement.

"If it (the nomination process) goes into the convention, don't be surprised if someone different is at the top of the ticket," Mahoney said.


Like a Greek opera, the long arm of Gore would swoop down from the heavens and save the presidency from the Democrats' own bickering by naming himself God ... I mean, president.

There's probably a reason why Mahoney thinks this scenario is plausible, but you can only imagine the hot holy hell that would be unleashed if a man, despite how well liked in the party, is crowned king without putting one pinky toe in the primary process.

Is he INSANE????

A compromise candidate could be someone such as former vice president Al Gore, Mahoney said last week during a meeting with this news organization's editorial board.

If either Clinton or Obama suggested to a deadlocked convention a ticket of Gore-Clinton or Gore-Obama, the Democratic Party would accept it, Mahoney said.

I'll cut Mahoney some slack. He isn't offering this as an option, just throwing it up as a possibility, but even within the conceit of possibility this is a really irresponsible brain teaser to drop passively at a newspaper editorial board meeting.

No matter how you feel about Obama and Hillary they both have been running or plotting to run for the top spot more than two years now. They raised the money. They signed up for the caucuses and primaries. They fought, they bickered, they endured controversies and an unprecedented number of debates. People are already worried that Hillary is going to manipulate the delegate voting process through some fast and loose reading of the rules, but at least she's working within the confines of the rules. She is actively running for the nomination.

The super delegates, per the rules, could give her the nomination if they wanted to commit political suicide. But an immaculate election featuring Al Gore or some other Democratic savior would be like hitting the improvised explosive device of dumbassedness.

I can live with and vote for a Democratic nominee people actually voted for. I love Papa Al as much as the next Liberal, but hell to the no. It's Barack or Hillary for all the delegates for reals or President McCain. Folks are just going to have to saddle up and ride this bitch out no matter how ugly it gets because one way or another the nominee is going to be someone who actually ran in the primaries.

Hell. I would have preferred if Mahoney has named checked John Edwards to be the Jesus of Democracy. At least he has some delegates. As bipolar and suicidal the Democratic Party is Howard Dean isn't that crazy. I imagine he'll throw himself under the bus if he allowed Stephen Colbert's vision of "Democralypse Now!" to come true.

News Flash: Black Americans Are Angry

Atlanta, 1963

Sometimes it amazes me when white people are shocked, shocked, to learn that black folks might be a smidge angry over that whole secondary status thing.

Not all white people are this clueless, but many are. Mostly because their lives are so insular. As a black person you have to interact and work with white people if you want a decent job and want to live in a decent place. As for white people, they don't have to deal with us at all. There are plenty non-diverse places in every part of the United States were your only interaction with a black person would be while watching "Cops" or "Flavor of Love" on VH1.

When you never interact with the "other" America, where Rev. Jeremiah Wright and the "damn America" amen chorus jumping and shouting in agreement reside, you're going to get a rude awakening in black anger 101. There is a lot of rushing to judgment.

This is worse than the KKK! This hate speech is deplorable! I don't care what the context, you don't damn America!


I won't get at how hypocritical this outrage is considering a bevy of prominent religious zealots have "damned" America in recent years (Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell, John Hagee, et al). If it doesn't bother you when Fallwell says our tolerance of "the gays" is why we were attacked on Sept. 11th maybe you need to sit down and shut the fuck up.

But back to black people being angry. I never get why this is shocking. I realize most white people don't have a firm grasp on black history, but general American history teaches you how all us black folks got here. But for all the people who wonder why 40 years of progress after 300 years of slavery and apartheid still = pissed of black people, here's a brief history of "Why Black Americans Are Angry":

15) Project housing/inner city neglect. They were such pretty, clean buildings when low-income, working class families from the segregated deep south first moved into them, dreaming of moving up in the world. But cutting off city services, neglecting the neighborhoods around them and lax policing turned them into sorrow-filled hell holes were dreams were murdered on a daily basis. The government's response to these problems? Indifference and excessive police force. Then finally, as in Chicago and St. Louis, tearing the buildings down, but never repairing the hopelessness and discrimination that created the initial blight.

14) Housing discrimination. Wow! You were fortunate enough to have worked your way up and out of poverty to the Middle Class. You want a house, but your Realtor will only show you homes on the north side and when you go to your bank for a loan you're denied despite having better than average credit. Then you go to a more questionable lender who charges an interest rate much higher than what you should have to pay. Then when you move to the neighborhood it doesn't matter that you're an engineer for McDonnell Douglas and your wife is a school teacher. Every white person on the block vanishes and within two years the neighborhood is entirely black. But at least they were nice enough to leave a note saying, "It's not me. It's you!"

Tulsa, Oklahoma burning after the race riot of 1921.

13) Rosewood, East St. Louis, Oklahoma and other race riots of the 20th century. When people think "race riots" most conjure up visions of the LA riots after the Rodney King trial. While that was a riot, it wasn't really a "race riot." A real race riot involves the murders and beatings of one racial group by another. There are plenty of those. The East St. Louis Riot of 1917 involved the murders, beatings and lynchings of black people. The government was slow to step in and stop the killings as they are wont to do when there's a race riot. The Chicago Defender reported 150 blacks were killed. Other papers reported ... nothing!

12) One-drop/Three-Fifths rule. I put these two together because they pretty much sum up two of the most ridiculous things about the black American experience. The "Three-Fifths" rule was a contrivance to count the non-voting slaves as residents so the political power brokers in the south could have more representatives (and more power) in Congress. Being counted as a voter when you, in fact, cannot vote, buttresses nicely to another bizarre law, the "one-drop" rule that designated that one drop of "black blood" made you black. This law was adopted by many states after the Civil War. Racism was a festering sickness of white paranoia that deemed it necessary to make all that is black anathema, unholy and taboo. These rules were essentially created to fight miscegenation and keep the white race pure. Just another nice way to say, "I hate you."

11) Voter suppression. Popular in the south, but can be found anywhere blacks vote in numbers significant enough to tip the scales of an election. (See Ohio, Florida and the city of St. Louis, etc.)


10) You're not worthy of dying for this country. What do the Civil War, World War I and World War II have in common? They were all wars black men weren't good enough to die for. It didn't stop black men from fighting for the right to die in them anyway, eventually succeeding in dying for their country in the hope that surely, SURELY if I show the ultimate display of patriotism, to want to fight and die for America surely I will be finally recognized as a man. So they fought and died and when the survivors came home America was still racist, but I'm sure no black people are bitter about that. I'm sure it doesn't bother black World War II vets to not get any kudos until they were ancient. Or, in the case of the Buffalo Soldiers, dead.

9) "Bad blood." I know that the whole "the government created AIDS to kill black people" sounds kooky. I don't believe it. But considering their was an actual immoral study on syphilis that allowed the disease to run its deadly course on black men and infect their families despite the discovery of penicillin as a treatment, you can understand that we would be a little suspicious of damn near anything.*



8) Separate but Equal. Plessy versus Ferguson was the Supreme Court case used as an excuse for decades to make life exceedingly miserable for blacks while simultaneously reinforcing long held beliefs that blacks were not human, not equal to whites. Protecting the "purity" of the whites, blacks were denied entry into all places deemed for whites. Apparently we had the world's biggest case of racial cooties. The kind of cooties that get you separate and inferior facilities.

7) Reparations. I'm not a pusher of reparations. I don't think there is an amount of money that could be paid to make up for slavery and institutionalized racism. But there are always going to be people, furious, wondering when their 40 acres and a mule are showing up.


6) 100 years of Lynching. See? This is why there is no amount of acceptable money that could ever be paid to make up for killing people for the sake of killing them. For being terrorists. For terrorizing millions of people living primarily in the South and lower Midwest. You just don't want to know what could make up for that. For killing people for sport, for any excuse, then taking pictures next to their ritualistically burned and mutilated corpses, then turning those pictures into postcards to mail to your friends. Just as the Nazis couldn't kill 6 million Jews without the consent of German citizens, the Klu Klux Klan couldn't terrorize and murder blacks if they weren't endorsed by the members of the white southern community who supported the politicians, sheriffs, police officers, businessmen and other upstanding individuals who were more than happy to don white robes, burn crosses and massacre people.

5) Police brutality. Rodney King was not an isolated event. Rodney King happens every day, all across the US because blacks are deemed as being more violent and less important than whites when it comes to crime. It doesn't mean anything to sodomize a man with a plunger or open fire on a man reaching his wallet or taser a woman over and over or rough up a youth because his pants hang low or beat a confession out of an innocent person. The color of justice in this country is painted in the blood of cruel indifference and apathy.

4) Katrina. This shouldn't be a shocker to anyone, but black people are pretty pissed about Hurricane Katrina. They're angry that the preparations for the hurricane were so slipshod and flawed. They're angry that for days people were trapped, starving, dying of thirst or drowning to death. They're angry that no one seemed to care. They're angry that when people sought help they were denied it. They're angry that blacks were branded as "looters" for seeking supplies at water-logged Wal-Marts and their angry about all the misinformation and wild speculation that went on. They're angry that promises were made, but never fulfilled. They're angry that black neighborhoods that had existed for hundreds of years were gone, never to be repaired. They're angry about the trailer homes that are stinking of poisonous formaldehyde. They're angry because of the gentrification taking place in their neighborhoods. They're angry because they want to come home, but can't because their jobs and homes are gone. They're angry because insurance companies won't pay damages on their homes. There are a lot more reasons to be pissed, but you get the drift. Many people have wondered if this is an issue about race. While the incompetence of the Bush Administration that weakened FEMA and glossed over forecasts did not initially have a racist slant, the lackluster response and tepid rebuilding effort reeked of "fuck all y'all." Was it a mere coincidence that the people the government was reneging on were poor whites and a large majority of blacks?


3) The uneven justice system. This ties in with police brutality and the indifference when it comes to black crime. Black defendants are disproportionately given harsher sentences than white defendants for the same crimes. Drug laws are overly punitive towards blacks. Incarceration rates are higher. Violence towards black women and children are overlooked. When blacks go missing, irregardless of age or gender, little attention or resources are focused on finding them. When crimes are committed where blacks are the victims, the police or prosecutors do not make an adequate effort to protect witnesses. Sometimes it feels like the number sin in America is to be born a black person who is three-fifths of a white person therefore not deserving of justice.

"Bloody Sunday" in 1960s Alabama.

2) "Jim Crow." Jim Crow laws were the direct result of Plessy versus Ferguson. These were created to segregate the races. To this day, despite integration, many southern high schools don't hold proms out of the fear of black boys and girls dancing with white boys and girls. Destroying Jim Crow consisted of being tortured and attacked during non-violent protests, being murdered for speaking out, being assassinated for leading a movement, having your churches bombed and homes burned, being mutilated and mistreated, being beaten by police and soaked by water hoses. The fight also involved false imprisonment, human rights violations, illegal wiretappings, being spat upon and verbally abused. So why would anyone still be mad when after all that segregation still exists in many parts of America due to white flight and redistricting?


1) Slavery. You say, "It happened so long ago. My family never owned slaves. How could you still be mad? You weren't a slave, your parents and grandparents were slaves, so really? Get over it already."

If only things were that simple. Slavery is the set up, the root, the origin of all black anger and resentment. Behind every frown, holler and painful cry, behind it is our nation's shameful legacy of slavery. America's unique brand of "once a slave, always a slave and oh by the way, you're children are slaves" bondage was so demoralizing, so punitive, so humiliating that it still shapes both black and white America's views of each other.

This racist conceit was created by white intellectual elites (See Thomas Jefferson) who wanted to justify bondage when they were fighting for their own liberty from the British. They branded blacks as inferior, subhuman, violent, child-like, sexually perverse brutes meant only to serve whites. When you're not seen as human people can do unthinkable things to you or ignore your pleas. And despite being here for 300 years black Americas are still fighting to buck the inferior, brutish, perverse stereotypes we are consistently labeled with. You can't have an honest discussion about race without talking about slavery's impact on how our country views race.

There has never been a full apology or formal recognition of the legacy of racism and slavery. There has never been a national conciliatory effort to cure the ills of Jim Crow. There has been no apologizes for the failures of our government involving Katrina. No apology for the people prosecuted and sentenced to death for crimes they did not commit. There has been no effort to right the root of our wrongs. There are only scraps tossed here and there and cries of "when will you get over it" when there was no true acknowledgment of the root of "it" to begin with.

Why so reluctant to apologize? Because our nation doesn't want to acknowledge its failings. Because many whites don't want to "own" the crimes of their forefathers, government, neighbors, friends and family members. And who would want to own this? This wretched past of cruelty and pain. Who would want to recognize it and mend this fence? No one wants to because the fear is that once the apology is through will there be a debt owed. Will there be demands for acknowledgment, payment? Will there be lawsuits? Will there be reparations? Will there be revenge?

There are other slights and horrors I could have listed: the rape of black female slaves, minstrel shows, the pain and violence surrounding integration, health care disparities, a flawed and broken educational system. I could go on and on, but for what if others don't understand that you can't flick your hand and wish it all away. Not when we're marked with the sin of our country in the color of our skin.

I'm sorry if those cries are hard to hear. I'm sorry if hearing black anger offends whites. But you can't call it racist when Pastor Wright's polemic sermon was true. Our government has committed sins at home and abroad and has atoned for nothing. We have never apologized for anything we did to another country or minorities in the United States. Our own policies failed us and we were attacked. Everyone acted surprised, but any one who follows international relations knows that many are angry over injustices, some perceived, some true. We'd been attacked before and ignored the warnings. None of this should be a surprise, unless you've turned a blind eye to it all and only chose to here the popular fictions you have always heard, "America is great. America is good. America can do no wrong."

This is a dangerous line of thinking that would only take us farther away from reconciliation and continue the divisions that exist between a world of black anger and a world of white indifference.

*Originally number six erroneously said that the men in the study were given syphilis by the individuals working on the study. In actuality the majority of the men in the study already had syphilis but the disease went untreated as part of the experiment. Thanks for the correction, AC.