"Reverse Oreo?"

Regular Snob reader The Blue alerted me of some "reverse oreo" chatter involving Ed Bradley Award for Journalistic Hotness winner, #5 Don "Lover" Lemon on the Huffington Post. Naturally I ran over there with the quickness to investigate and found this.

(To only see the video, click here.)

What's hilarious is how SERIOUS most of the posters on HuffPo take the whole thing, essentially acting like it's the end of TV news.

Oh my God, someone said reverse oreo there and now let's have a dissertation about miscegenation and big black buck myths. How dare those two tramps trivialize our holy, sacred news!

Getting giggly over Lemon lightly hinting at being in the middle of a white lady sandwich is not the end of TV news. Paris Hilton being dragged to court with TV helicopters zig zagging over Los Angeles while FOX and CNN carry it all live? That is the end of news. Perspective! This was just folks being goofy on the CNN. The thing is on for 24 hours. You can't expect Kyra Phillips to hold back her Mandingo fantasies with the likes of Don Lemon and TJ Holmes running around. As long as she doesn't start openly hitting on Lemon on the air calling herself Sexual White Chocolate, I'm going to just laugh at this because it's funny.

My mother, the Clinton apologist

Hello, I'm the Black Snob and my mother is a Clinton apologist.

The Clintons with all their good points and flaws are in a battle royal for the Democratic nomination with one charming senator from Illinois, Barack Obama. They get a lot of criticism, a lot of attention. After Obama's South Carolina win, Bill Clinton said this.



This lead to one of the most irritating conversations I've ever had with my mother. Last night she was befuddled as to why everyone is so upset about Bill Clinton's Jesse/Barack comparison. I told her that in '84 and '88 Jackson did not have a chance of winning the nomination and was running on a Civil Rights platform backed heavily by African Americans. South Carolina was the only state Jackson won, and (I think) in both cases the race was largely moot by the time it got to South Carolina.

Bill Clinton was minimizing the significance of Obama's SC win by equating it with Jacksons' two wins. This was a too cute, jerk move considering Jesse never won any other states and did not win SC by a huge margin, unlike Obama who's snagged two wins in a hotly contested race.

But could my mother grasp that? No. Because she's a Clinton apologist. She felt it was a fair assesment and didn't see what the big deal was. She said if Obama couldn't handle something as benign as this he shouldn't be running.

Now, mind you, I felt like the Obama camp wasted a lot of energy getting all prickly over Bill Clinton running his mouth, but this "Jesse won SC, therefore Obama is Jesse" argument is patently false. Yet my mother is incapable of acknowledging that Clinton was being a dick. Somehow she thought this was a compliment arguing that the critics were diminishing Jesse's win by drawing that inference.

I know she doesn't want to agree with the pundits who relish over ever fart and gurgle coming out of the Clinton campaign, but truths are truths - Bill Clinton's statement was code for, "A black man can't get elected." You can argue that Obama needs to avoid the traps Clinton has set for him. But don't act like you don't know what Bill Clinton is doing!

My GOD, it was maddening. Comparing Barack to Jesse is like comparing Martin Luther King Jr. and Stokely Carmichael. The only reason why you'd compare to very different things with only general similarities is because you're trying to label one of the two things as irrelevant and akin to the lesser of the two things.

But she really didn't see that.

It was just maddening. In the end she concluded that Obama's folks were just whining. I pointed out that whether or not Obama's folks were whining was irrelevant. We were merely judging the intent of Clinton's statement, not Obama's response. But she concluded there was no malevolent intent at all.

So I gave up.

I know she doesn't want to bash Bill Clinton, but do you have to pretend he's being innocent in all of this? You don't have to hate Slick Willy to acknowledge that he's being an ass. I don't hate Bill Clinton and I can say BILL CLINTON IS BEING AN ASS! Is it that hard? Don't throw dirt on Obama's accomplishments just because he had the gall to run the same year as Hillary.

I know it's hard for her to fall in love with the new guy who's not a civil rights activist who's dedicated his career to fulfilling Martin Luther King's body of work. But considering she raised me not to be a warrior in the movement, but just a regular person with a degree, you'd think she could cut Obama some slack. Last I heard, no black folks on the south side of Chicago were bitching about him. He has worked extensively in the black community. He's is visibly a black man. Give him a break. You can't honestly believe Hillary's more "qualified."

Sigh. This is worse than our conversations about religion. I'm a Jesus sympathizer and she raised me to be a secularist.

Fun times.

When Ego Attacks: Wesley Snipes Edition

Actor Wesley Snipes talks to the media as he walks into the Golden-Collum Memorial Federal Building and U.S. Courthouse in Ocala, Fla. on Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2007. Closing arguments in Snipes' tax-fraud case were to begin this morning, with the case expected to go to a jury this afternoon. (AP) Hmm, which Civil Right's Era guy does he look like here?

Remember the 1990s when Wesley Snipes was gainfully employed? Riding high even off acclaim in films like Spike Lee's "Jungle Fever" and "Mo' Betta Blues?" Remember the line, "Always bet on black," that he uttered in the cool-at-the-time action flick "Passenger 57?"

Remember when he was relevant? Credited with making dark skinned brothers hip and sexy in Hollywood? Gosh, that seems so long ago. I forgot what a big action star he was ("US Marshals," "Demolition Man," "The Art of War") and how great he was in "White Men Can't Jump." Remember him Scarfacing it up in "New Jack City" and how NOT believable it was when Ice-T managed to beat up Nino Brown? Wesley was big! Then Wesley pissed off half his fan base, black women, in an Ebony Magazine article. Then Wesley's star power wained. Then Wesley got a great boost starring in the "Blade" trilogy (and he was pretty awesome in the first two films). Then Wesley went bat-shit insane.

Now he's getting prosecuted for scamming the IRS because he fell into some bogus scheme where he didn't give the government their cut for his 90s paydays. IRS prosecutors claim that Snipes and his cohorts fell into the whole "tax avoidance" movement which has thrived on the internet and leading to some other high profile cases, like a couple who barricaded themselves inside their home to avoid arrest by federal agents last year.

Wesley, obviously, did not learn from previous stars like Sammy "Jo-Jo Dancer Your Life Is Calling" Davis Jr., comedian Redd Foxx, Godfather of Soul James Brown, country icon Willie Nelson and Ron "Mr. Biggs" Isley, the IRS might not get you today, it might not get you tomorrow, but Uncle Sam is going to get his eventually.

But why should that stop Snipes' lawyers from arguing that this is not a fraud case, but merely a "disagreement" with the IRS over the $12 million he conned out of the government.

From the Associated Press:

Defense attorney Robert Barnes conceded Snipes' arguments may have been crazy, but insisted that didn't make them criminal.

"Disagreement with the IRS is not fraud of the IRS, is not deception," Barnes said. "It was an attempt to engage the IRS, to go through the IRS procedures and processes and see who's right."

Of course, the IRS is salivating at the prospect of prosecuting him, but not because of the money. They want to send a message to other people who use the whole "you don't have to pay taxes" mumbo jumbo to circumvent the government.

"People who do it openly and notoriously, you've got to go after them," said Sheldon Cohen, who was IRS commissioner and general counsel in the 1960s. "Not because he's that important or the amount of money is that important, but because there are others who may be foolish enough to follow."

I'm actually kind of sad because Wesley was always, for me, the more action oriented contemporary to Denzel Washington. (Heck, I'd gather he made more bank in the 90s than Denzel.) They were both equally good actors, with Wesley pulling off a style that was half-method acting, half-classically trained. The brother could do Shakespeare! I didn't necessarily find him all that attractive, but he had sex appeal, and with the 90 billion black and brown people crammed into the Matrix sequels it amazes me that no one could make room for martial arts star/action dynamo Wesley Snipes? No room in any of the X-Men films? I understood him being a little uppity over Hollywood, (See Isaiah Washington, who is essentially, Wesley Snipes-lite), but he should have known better than getting involved in that tax scheme.

Those angry black women from the 90s are going to seem like a dream compared to the 16 years he may be facing in prison.

Funny thing I found while trolling Defamer

This has nothing to do with the politics of blackness, but as a reformed My Little Pony collector, I busted a gut.

Dude claims he can go toe-to-toe in the Tiger Woods Era leading to laughter and him going "Really. I'm serious!"

British Golfer/Trainwreck Fashonista Ian Poulter (seen here in some ugly-ass pants) is putting the threatdown on Tiger Woods. Good luck, buddy. I've seen this movie before and it doesn't end pretty.

A lot of golfers have looked into the abyss of Tiger Woods' Dark Lord of the Sith level golf skills and have been humbled. But this dude is going to attempt to channel is inner Ben Hogan Kenobi.

Said potential Tiger slayer to Reuters:

The outspoken Ian Poulter caused a stir on the eve of the Dubai Desert Classic by saying he was the only player capable of challenging the supremacy of world number one Tiger Woods.

"The trouble is I don't rate anyone else," the 32-year-old Briton was quoted as saying in the March edition of Golf World magazine.

"Don't get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven't played to my full potential and when that happens, it will be just me and Tiger."

Nice. But like a boxer calling out Muhammad Ali for a title fight, don't be surprised if your ass-clownery gets you faced.

Take the story of the gigantic, young version of George Foreman who was so deft in his skills that many feared he could kill a man in the ring. Friends of Ali feared he'd hurt Ali who was off his game over his refusal to report for the military draft.

But then came 1974's "The Rumble In the Jungle," brought you by Dictator Mobutu Sese Seku's keptocracy and the man who inspired one of actor Ving Rhames' finest performances. During this event, as we all know, Ali took a hell of a lot of punches, tired George out, then reduced him to a historical footnote when Ali knocked him out in the 8th. Foreman was so shattered by the experience that he would not box again until the freakin' 90s when he was 45. By then Ali was no longer able to threaten anyone in the ring as he was hobbled by Parkinson's.

But my point is this -- Foreman actually held the heavyweight title, had beaten all rivals and had the potential to murder someone in the ring. If a top-line Foreman could not crush Ali, who was never as scarily powerful as Foreman, how can you expect to beat Tiger Woods?

Sayeth Ian:

The Englishman, asked by the magazine to predict the winner of the first major of the season at the U.S. Masters in April, replied: "Put Tiger down for that one".

For the year's second major at the U.S. Open, he said: "You can put me down for that one".

Poulter, pictured nude in the magazine with only a carefully-placed golf bag guarding his modesty, heaped praise on Woods who makes a rare foray to the European Tour for this week's Dubai event.

"Tiger is one in a million," he said. "Actually Tiger is one in 10 million.

"He is extraordinary. If you look at the rankings he is almost two and a half times better than the guy in second place."

What are you going to do, Mr. #22 in the world, golf punk purveyor Ian Poulter?

Tiger's not hurt, old, out-of-shape, coming off a long-retirement or in the midst of a cold streak. And what? Are you going to wait it out? Golfers can golf into their 60s before trotting off to the senior circuit. And unlike boxing, where you take your opponent head-on, this is golf. Your competition is the course and your nerves. Golf is psychological. Guys crash and burn going up against Tiger because they spend the whole game playing catch up, trying to pull off crazy moves out of frustration.

I'm not saying Poulter can't beat Tiger. The chances are he could and will. You have to be extremely talented to be on the fringe of the top twenty. But pre-Tiger Woods Era it was unheard of for a golfer to win at high consistency, let alone win back-to-back. Golf is not an easy game. It's the chess of the sports world, only it's a game of chess where the board keeps changing and you play against yourself hoping that your score at the end is lower than everyone else's. So your best bet is a Tiger cold streak and even then you'd have to play against the course and all the other top twenty golfers trying to capitalize on a Tiger Woods cold streak.

But I admire your moxie. It's like calling out 90s Michael Jordan or the Showtime era LA Lakers for a game. Or threatening the Patriots of today or the Dallas Cowboys of the 70s and 90s. Ballsy. Stupid, but ballsy. But you better do something to get Tiger's attention fast, because the only golfer Tiger is competing with is Jack Nickalus.

And you, sir, are noooo Jack Nickalus.

The Lastest Election Night Casualties

Edwards is dropping out. Yeah, yeah ... but will that help or hurt Obama? Who are those 15 percent Edwards folks going to break for and was Obama's statement on Johnny Handsome's exit a "hint, hint, wink, wink" for yet another high profile endorsement for Team Obama? So many questions.

Oh, and Guiliani called it quits. Will probably endorse McCain. Another one bites the dust. Good Hair Mitt is going to stick with it even though it seems everyone in the race hates him. He'll hit up the ATM and yank out a few more millions and try to buy himself a presidency. I do love watching Mitt's various transformations. From Steve Forbes to Guy Smiley (see photo) to the "what can I say to get you to vote for me today?" guy. "Does it help if I take my jacket off and roll up my sleeves? How about if I let my hair get a little tousled? What if I hijack Obama's 'change' message? What if I wear a traditional Cuban shirt? What if I just give you $100? Would you like $100?"

The Limits of Blackness

Once upon a time in 1999, I was to wed a fellow, let's call him, Grady McShady. I was in the midst of planning a wedding that McShady kept getting more and more controlling over. Then, when I was at wits end with him he told me he wanted to be married in full African regalia and I tried really, really hard to wrap my head around it. I tried to see the kente cloth, the royal blue bulky fabric, the unflattering shape that was not a white, poofy dress and tried to imagine it on myself, but it was so, so hard. I tried to bargain with him, that maybe he and the other groomsmen could wear kente cummerbunds and we could jump a broom but he put his foot down saying he would either get his African wedding or there would be no fancy ceremony at all.

So we got married in 2001 at a justice of the peace in Texas.

Long story short, it didn't work out. But the point of this story is that I learned from my ex that there was a limit to my blackness. I told him I did not want my wedding to be a political statement. It is obvious that we are black people. It is obvious that we are from African descent, but I am an American woman. I want my big poofy white dress! I want big hair and Luther Vandross singing "Always and Forever." Didn't he understand you do not rob a woman of her dream wedding? So even though my future ex-husband McShady threw it in my face that my blackness was questionable because I didn't want to wear this, his threats did not change my opinion about this dress debacle. There were other issues in that past relationship that I'll probably blog about another day, but basically, what I want to know is ... what is your limit to your blackness?

Some folks limit are defending R. Kelly and other black superstars who screw up. Others it's using the term African American when they feel they have nothing to do with Africa. Some go into apoplectic shock over Black History Month (either because they hate the cheesiness or are insulted about the whole cramming-150-years-of-black-history-in-28-days thing) I draw the line at using weddings as political statements and celebrating Kwanzaa*.

I will teach my future children black history. I will drag them to the Civil Rights Museum and the Slavery Museum whenever it ever gets finished. I will tell them about Barack Obama's run for the presidency and encourage them to love and embrace their culture and the beauty of black people, African and African American alike. But I'm not wearing traditional Nigerian garb at my wedding and I'm not celebrating Kwanzaa.

And OJ killed Nicole Simpson.

That said, what is your limit?


*Seriously, no disrespect but what the hell is Kwanzaa? As a reporter I was constantly assigned the black folks charity/pity assignment that was the Kwanzaa holiday. My editors never wanted to hear about black folks the other 359 days of the year, but come Kwanzaa time there's a pathetic attempt at acknowledging that Negroes exist. No matter how many times I was explained the significance of the days and how the holiday encouraged blacks to have better self-esteem, be business-owners and foster stewardship over their communities I would have to do my damnedest to stop the eye-rolling. We couldn't discuss black stewardship and fidelity on another holiday? Holidays are supposed to be fun or profound, not a civics lessons. Take Juneteenth, a black Texas holiday I celebrated as a child with my Texan-born father. It's about celebrating the end of slavery. Now, that's a holiday! That means something! We're FREE, let's throw the biggest party Texas has ever seen! Don't make up a holiday when there are perfectly good holidays (King Day and Juneteenth) that are often under celebrated by blacks.

Shenanigans a-foot, yet again!

Hillary Clinton handsomely won the Geritol State's Democratic popularity contest. Proving that while some would shrug and move on, Hillary always pushes the limits of booty-butt-naked ambition like any good Clinton would.

Even though everyone agreed months ago that Florida's primary would not count and that Florida has been stripped of its delegates, Clinton is lobbying party leaders to get those delegates (that she would win) back in play.

Really? I call both bollocks and shenanigans!

There is a part of me that admires the Clintons' shame-free ruthlessness, especially when it was trained on the Republicans. I don't enjoy seeing it deployed in Dem-on-Dem violence, but I'm amazed at the nutso nature of her latest attempt at political jujitsu. It's all an effort to bring down the high of the Kennedy legacy endorsement Obama received (and to scoop up delegates if we go to a brokered convention). It's like the whole Vegas gambit and just like there I believe Clinton will push the issue and lose.

But, wow, I'm watching her throw a party for herself in Florida on MSNBC right now and, man, if you're into the ultimate display of carefully calculated political manipulation she has painted the inauthenticity masterpiece. Bill (naturally) is a master of this. He probably suggested she try to pull off this media coup de grace. Instead of talking about Obama's next move the pundits will have a Clinton-hate orgy over this, causing the pundits to go overboard (as they always do) and cause a backlash that leads to people being more sympathetic to the Clintons rather than pissed off. And they'll be doubly sympathetic after the Bill n' Hill Show charms the pants off everyone while simultaneously wagging their finger of shame on the only people despised more than them -- the media.

Just like if you accused the Clintons of eating a baby at least 40 percent of Americans would think it was plausible. But have the media accused of infant cannibalism and the streets would flow with the blood of Chris Matthews and everyone at FOX News. Even Alan Colmes. Probably for being so tepid about everything, so I guess that would be a mercy killing.

Anyway, brava, Hillary Clinton and your pundit pissing off moment! It won't work for more than five minutes, but I know, in your mind, that was all you needed.

Side note: John McCain is ahead of Mitt Romney. I'm pulling for Romney in the hopes of causing more chaos on the Republican side. This election is still the Dems to lose considering how angry everyone is at the Republicans right now with their Don Quixote excursions into the Middle East (McCain), neck twisting double-talk (Romney) and promises of getting some deity into the godless constitution courtesy of Mike Huckabee. Yeah, it's party suicide over there.

I repeat. Don't mess this up, Dems! Don't snatch defeat from the jaws of President-elect Barack Obama!

Side note II: The New York chapter of the National Organization for Women (NOW) apparently stepped off the reservation when they tagged Teddy as a traitor for choosing a man over the woman who may become the first woman president. I thought that was really bizarre, considering Teddy's track record as a support of women's rights and women's issues. I hate to bust out with a tired, sexist cliche, but was it that time of the month over there? Just say you back Hillary. Don't beat down folks over it because they chose not!Hillary. What the hizzell? Seriously. Can we stop the black-liberal-on-black-liberal, women-activist-on-women-activist-supporter violence? To quote the Civil Rights pioneers of the 1960s, keep your eyes on the prize! Don't fuck this up, liberals! I swear. If I have to live under another Republican regime promising of more wars and more black folks in prison I will be very, very disappointed.

And I might cause you physical harm if I see you walking down my street.

Further evidence of the ignorance

Black celebrity gossip site Bossip regularly irritates me with their use of misogynist terms to denigrate black women. One of the regular features is "Ho Sit Down" which disparages all blacks who support Clinton over Obama as essentially "hoes." This is very vulgar, like a lot of their terms Bossip uses regularly to describe black people.

This time they applied it to former poet laureate Maya Angelou who has come out for Hillary Clinton. On top of the whole "Ho Sit Down" thing, they go on to mock her as having a "slave" mentality and use vulgar terms against Angelou.

I understand their support of Barack Obama, but I think that if the Obama camp knew about this site's endorsement they would say thanks, but no thanks.

Also, judging from the outcry in the comments section, I'm not the only one who may be giving up on the consistently negative and vulgar Bossip for good.

Young vs. Old: The Great Barack Obama Debate

Jena 6 protesters in Washington, D.C. in 2007 and Civil Rights protesters in 1960s Seattle, Wash.

I found this comment lurking in the latest Bossip post ("JFK 2.0???") on Obama, highlighting the Kennedy endorsement. It's by someone going by the moniker "Crazy Black Lady."

“Motor Mouth” Maxine Waters just (sic) endored billary clinton for president. These niggers need to get out the way and let us have our moment.

Now I respect people's opinions but I see comments like these popping up on black topical blogs all the time, sidestepping the fact that the whole point of the Civil Rights Movement was to give people opportunities and choices. I wish Waters had backed Obama, but I respect her choice. Plus, I feel like these comments contradict the message Obama is trying to send. After all, the same people who are backing Hillary Clinton, like former NYC Mayor David Dinkins and Rep. Charlie Rangel of New York, will all, most assuredly, back Obama if he gets the nomination.

Arguing that black people should solely support Obama based on traditional black fidelity is just as ridiculous as whites backing various Republican nominees based solely on religion or whiteness. I want people to be for Obama because of his credentials, background and policy ideas along with the pride many feel about Obama being a symbol of black achievement and potential.

Also, brandishing African Americans who have fought tirelessly for the rights and concerns of African Americans as "sell-outs" is beyond ridiculous. These people aren't Alan Keyes, JC Watts or Armstrong Williams. Although I also don't feel like we should stamp scarlet letters on the chests of Black Republicans for going against type. Even some of the sell-out claims levied against them are unwarranted and I consider their actions and views far more dangerous than Andrew Young's shameless defense of the Clintons.

I also think there is a degree of naivety with some young African Americans on the level of racial progress. Many were outraged and sympathetic to the plight of the Jena 6, but are now arguing that the racial conflicts that have existed since America's inception are no longer relevant; that older blacks are still waging wars of the past. But how can racial rifts be healed when African American men make up half of the prison population when blacks are only 12 percent of the country? How can things be healed when blacks are still disenfranchised across the south, when most blacks attend inferior schools and run higher poverty rates than whites? The racial divide is deep and is felt throughout society. One can argue that the methodology of many Civil Rights Era fighters is out-of-date and inadequate (which in a lot of ways, it is), but one can't gloss over the serious problems within the black community and the serious issues many whites still have regarding black people.

Once again, the Jena 6, are a good example of this. Young African Americans banded together and used social networking groups on the internet and radio personalities to get the message out and organize one of the largest protest marches in recent history. There's no denial of that. When the mainstream media peppered long time activists Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton on how the protest was organized both were forthright in pointing out they largely had little to do with it and attributed the success to others. The young were able to use the media of today to update and modernize Civil Rights protests. This was a wonderful step in the right direction. But I feel like both the young and old need each other to get things done. I just don't believe in bashing people who have fought and sacrificed on our behalf. Frustration and anger is OK and criticism is warranted and needed, but I'd rather see younger blacks try to lobby their elders to Barack Obama's campaign than spit invective in their faces for playing it safe with Hillary Clinton.

It's like cursing out your own grandmother because she doesn't like your dreadlocks. Your grandmother may be woefully out of touch but she's still your grandmother. Politely disagree with her, keep your dreds and allow love to overcome a generational divide.

I don't know. Am I wrong because I don't want to throw my grandparents under the bus? These people may be nuts but like it our not, they're our nuts.

Snore!

Did anyone else watch our beleaguered Leader of the Free World sleepwalk his way through (thank Jesus) his last State of the Union address? I caught parts of it and the Democratic response, which was super Dullsville as well. Seriously, that was the best the Dems could come up with? But I shouldn't be surprised as these are the same Dems who have allowed themselves to be out-witted, out-lasted and out-played in Survivor: Washington, D.C. by the incurious privileged son of another former Leader of the Free World, Bush 41.

Still, George W. looked at peace when he surveyed the crowd and autographed copies of the speech he sure as hell did not write and relished in the thunderous applause of his phalanx of incompetence enablers, willing to screw over the country as long as no one in is ever held accountable for all the rules and ethics violated and the pointless conflicts started.

But to paraphrase a 70s flick, being George W. means never having to say you're sorry.

I really hope that no matter who wins the White House in November that they will take serious the damage done by everything from wasteful spending in Iraq; crimes commented against and by contracts in Iraq, illegal wiretapping, authorization of torture on detainees; Guantanamo; the push for war in Iraq; the suppression of the black vote in Florida (2000) and Ohio (2004); the poor planning, oversight and negligence that destroyed lives after Hurricane Katrina, and allowed for the continued abuse of the people of New Orleans in the aftermath; the mistreatment of our veterans; and all those missing e-mails.

I don't want to see these incidents get swept under the rug in some pacification push for "compromise." Laws were broken. Lives were ruined. If we allow these issues to go unresolved we are basically saying the next president and the next congress are also entitled to be just as brash and negligent with the country as the previous administration. I don't care if finding the truth means some Democrats will also get caught in the fire (see Nancy Pelosi, and other Dems who knew about the water torture going on and the infamous destroyed CIA tapes.) They were in the wrong too. McCain survived the Keating 5 scandal. Countless politicians made it through Iran-Contra. I'd rather have the awful truth than nothing at all.

Word of the Day

No matter how many times I see this word in print I can never remember the definition.

quixotic: adj. 1. Caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals; 2. idealistic without regard to practicality. Capricious; impulsive: "But honestly, it doesn’t matter how many delegates (John) Edwards eventually gets. It just matters that he has some rationale to support his quixotic bid to become president."(Chadwick Matlin/Slate.com, "Edwards Is Our Homeboy").

ETYMOLOGY: From English Quixote, a visionary, after Don Quixote, hero of a romance by Miguel de Cervantes

Finally, someone sets the record straight on the "First Black President" garbage

Read a great article on Salon.com laying out how people have twisted the meaning of Toni Morrison's words when she called Bill Clinton the "First Black President." It wasn't a compliment, as most think. It was a reflection of how the Republicans had dogged Clinton with such vitriol that it was comparable to the irrational hatred and discrimination black men have traditionally received. The author, Elizabeth Alexander, makes the point that based on what people think are qualifications for Clinton's blackness the current Commander In Chief George W. Bush would qualify for an "honorary Negro" award. Bush has appointed blacks (Condi Rice and Collin Powell among others) to high ranking positions in his office. And he has a certain comfort around black people (who like him.) But no one calls Bush the "Second Black President." *achoo! Katrina! achoo!*

Anyway, here's a somewhat related story on how Bill Clinton's relentless campaigning and eye-brow raising behavior could be attributed to his love for Hillary. Yeah, yeah. Love. That's what that was.

Update: CNN's Suzanne Malveaux said that Toni Morrison has endorsed Barack Obama for president. She mentioned the whole Bill Clinton, "First Black President" thing, but also pointed out that Morrison was comparing Clinton's fight with the Republicans to the racism that dogs black men. But Malveaux still called the endorsement "ironic." Warning on that CNN blog I linked to, the comments section goes a little off the rails very, very quickly.

Weird thing I found on Gawker

It's a story about racists who've finally got the point that it's unsavory to refer to blacks as "niggers" and have adopted a new, seemingly iodine vernacular. Calling blacks "Canadians." Um ... OK? They could have kept the "n" word if they weren't so intent on saying it in print or with recording devices around. And I'm pretty sure racists still fling the term around at home and amongst friends. Canadians really doesn't drive home the hatred, know-what-I-mean? It's still rather appalling though, even unsettling to me, but given that it's no longer acceptable to be openly racist this was bound to happen. Prejudice and bigotry don't disappear just because the discussion has been taken off the table.

Has anyone ever heard this before? Gawker got it from an article that ran in the National Post on Thursday.

Quote the NP:

Stefan Dollinger, a postdoctoral fellow in linguistics at University of British Columbia and director of the university's Canadian English lab, speculated that the slur reflects a sense of Canadians as the other.

"This ‘code' word, is the replacement of a no-longer tolerated label for one outsider group, with, from the U.S. view, another outsider group: Canadians. It could have been terms for Mexicans, Latinos etc. but this would have been too obvious," he said. "What's left? Right, the guys to the north."

Vick's dogs hanging up their illict past, going straight

In Georgia and California they're looking for a few good homes for the victims of Michael Vick's criminal dog fighting empire. I'm glad there are folks who will take the time to rehab a pit bull that's been raised to kill. Maybe jail will cure Vick of his incredible hubris. And stupidity. Which ever comes first.

Tiger Woods ties with Arnold Palmer for fourth on the all-time wins list

Not-black-black person Tiger Woods administered his 62nd career beat down. No golfers were harmed in the act, but there was the usual mix of awe and hurt feelings. No one managed to make any racial buzz word faux pas that I know of.

How do you kill a dream?

My hometown paper The St. Louis Post-Dispatch (why won't they give me a job) endorsed Barack Obama (and John McCain) in the Sunday edition. I know both Clintons have been criss-crossing Missouri like mad, but so was Obama. He locked it up.

And in the newspaper's election poll it showed that Obama was competitive against all the Republicans running, sweeping any rival in a head-to-head match up. One caveat though, ANY Dem. running for prez would beat any Republican running in Missouri. Ouch.

The Post's editorial board said they jumped on the hope bandwagon because they saw Obama as young, fresh and new. For what he lacks in experience, they feel he makes up in innovation. So sez the paper:

Barack Obama is aware of yesterday, but he is about today and tomorrow and next year. In a strong field of Democratic presidential contenders, he offers the best hope of transforming the debate and moving on to what America can be in the 21st century.

He is unlikely in many ways: He is young, only 46. He is the junior United States senator from Illinois, only a little more than three years out of the Illinois state Senate — as unlikely a forest for presidential timber as ever was. His middle name is Hussein. He spent his boyhood in Indonesia and Hawaii. His mother was a Kansan; his father was a Kenyan.

Did we mention he is black?

If America can get past all that, if America can unload its baggage and get on with the trip, there is no telling far and how fast it can go.

So we've got Caroline Kennedy's endorsement? Check. Senator John Kerry? Check. Senator Pat Leahy? Check. About to wrap up Senator Ted Kennedy's endorsement? You can cash that check because it's in the bank.

Geez. If The Clintons are the political establishment, why is the phenom getting the backing the Kennedys (who backed the Clintons in the past) and a gaggle of east coast liberal blue bloods? This is a massive defection considering Ex-President Bill Clinton is the defacto head of the Democratic Party. The kudos are getting loud and brutal as party elders are sending a strong signal to the former cause celebre of the party.

All he needs is Al Gore's endorsement and the writing will be on the wall. It will finally be official -- the Clintons have few friends left in Washington.

It must get cold there in Barack Obama's shadow. To never have sunlight on your face. I expect Hillary, et al to grin and bear it but those grapes have to be bitter. How do you stop this, this one-man-revolution? How do you kill a dream? And why would you want to be the one labeled as the dreamkiller if you managed to pull it off? What friends would you have left after you've slaughtered the philosopher king, golden child of the party elite? Golden child of the Kennedys, both Teddy and Caroline? To be compared to the Kennedys, slain brothers Robert and John, by the only surviving member of Camelot.

Writes Caroline in the New York Times:

My reasons are patriotic, political and personal, and the three are intertwined. All my life, people have told me that my father changed their lives, that they got involved in public service or politics because he asked them to. And the generation he inspired has passed that spirit on to its children. I meet young people who were born long after John F. Kennedy was president, yet who ask me how to live out his ideals.

Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that someone has a special ability to get us to believe in ourselves, to tie that belief to our highest ideals and imagine that together we can do great things. In those rare moments, when such a person comes along, we need to put aside our plans and reach for what we know is possible.

We have that kind of opportunity with Senator Obama. It isn't that the other candidates are not experienced or knowledgeable. But this year, that may not be enough. We need a change in the leadership of this country -- just as we did in 1960.

Nixon couldn't beat that. An unpopular fellow with a grumpy demeanor, he came close to beating John F. Kennedy in 1960, but ultimately failed. He was the Vice President of a successful administration, but he paled in Kennedy's made for TV light. John tapped into something so powerful, so viral that they called it "Camelot." It didn't matter that there were parts of Kennedy's personal life and nature that were flawed. The Kennedys were the thing Americans aspired to be, the closest to royalty we ever had.

















I know when I look at Michelle and Barack and their two lovely girls that's what I see. I see our future, our Camelot. I want to believe. I want to see that dream come true. I'm a realist, though. I know that dream won't come easy and that there is still a chance that it won't come at all. Obama still has a lot of room to grow as a campaigner, but he's learning as he goes. He's adaptable. Which is the Clintons main problem, they can't transcend and they can't transform.

The Clintons are what they are. A political machine, a force to be reckoned with, but Hillary Clinton is not Bill Clinton. She is not a charmer. She is not a cajoler. She's a stiff. Bill's sins were forgiven time and time again because he was the greatest political machine of the modern era. The Michael Jordan of triangulation. But Hillary can't bounce back from his missteps. Despite the ugliness of their campaign I believe that Bill will survive this. But at this rate his wife will not.

Despite the racial drama that unfolded in South Carolina, I don't think the Clintons are actually racists. They are desperate. They had already written the narrative and they will fight to the death for it - Hillary becoming the first woman president. Bill Clinton geting back into the White House. Them on their perch up high where they survey all. And they would beam bright and tell their detractors to suck on it. They said it couldn't be done. But they did it. Comeback Kid, part two.

But what makes this harder than Bill's runs in 1992 and 1996 he had the backing of the Kennedys, of long-time Democratic senators and governors. He had his party on his side. Is the party elite on his side now?

Ask the Kennedys.

It was a beat down!

Barack Obama won South Carolina by a ridiculous margin. Oddly enough, after that win Bill Clinton was on my TV in my home state of Missouri, trying to kick his spinning game. But a win's a win. And that win was a beat down. If there was a demographic, Obama killed on it. The only weakness the pundits on CNN could kibble over was how he was doing among white men.

Along with Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer, there were a gaggle of political pundits, including Roland Martin and Amy Holmes. Holmes, a Republican, was fixated on finding out if Hillary Clinton would lose the white male vote. She did. But Obama didn't win it either. John Edwards did and everyone sort of danced around that, lumping his white males in with the anti-Hillary vote. I don't think these numbers exist in a vacuum. Historically, it would be difficult for either a black or female candidate to pull the white male vote handily. But then, on the other hand, we've never had an election like this before. So it could mean a lot or mean nothing.

And Holmes is an interesting quandary for me. Rumor has it she was (is?) an Independent with liberal, pro-choice leanings and in all likelihood went Republican for the bank. Apparently there's no fame in being a black liberal pundit as there's only 20,000 of those. I never really noticed her until the whole Imus debacle and for the first time in a long time the black Republican pundits and the black Democratic pundits held hands, sang kumbaya and shouted, "Fire the bastard." Amy was among those many black people, who despite the establishment's best efforts, kept calling for Imus' head. She's just so pretty and she seems so smart, but then I remember how she used to work for Bill Frist and when she starts towing the Republican line I sort of want to hurl. So I think I would like her if we met in person, but outside of "nappy-headed-ho-gate," I don't think we agree on anything.

Do you think if we promised Amy we could make her the next Oprah, or at least the next Rachel Ray she'd come back from the dark side? Just thinkin ...

Also, bummers. My hot, Muhammad Ali-esque Frenchman loss the Australian Open final. As a consolation Jo-Wilfried Tsonga moved up from number 38 in the world to 18 and says he's knocking on the door of the top 10. I think he can make it. He's a joy to watch. Incredibly talented. And hot. Klingon forehead and all.

SC Primary: Black vote good? Black vote bad?

I, for some strange reason, have been watching a lot of the pundits on CNN, CBS and MSNBC try to grapple with that thing called race in the South Carolina primary. And while they were, are, and will be wrong in many colorfully different ways, one way in which they were especially batshit was about the importance of the black vote.

At different times different pundits at CNN and on MSNBC would just throw out numbers on blacks in South Carolina. Sometimes they would be 50 percent. Sometimes they were 60. Then 75. Some reporters would remember to qualify that this was the estimate on black voters in the Democratic party in South Carolina. But then many others would fling out how more than half of all SC's voters are black.

What the hizzle?

If half of the SC were black how did Strom Thurmon's reanimated corpse keep getting elected in the senate?

But if you want an even greater yuckfest, watch the pundits try to spin Barack Obama's black vote bad/black vote good win.

On last night's Anderson Cooper 360 a pundit, I can't remember which one, was recapping the Clinton/Obama race. He remarked that if Obama wins SC with the help of the black vote, that's good, unless it's too much of the black vote then people can label Obama as the "black" candidate.

Labeling the black man as the black candidate? What a novel idea! It had never occurred to me that Obama was black! Then, as usual, the pundit explained that an overwhelming black vote for Obama could signal to white voters he was more of a "Jesse Jackson" candidate, re: black candidate, rather than, say John Edwards, the non-black candidate who is running on a de-blackified version of Jesse's platform in '88.

Once again, what the hell? If Barack works too hard to appeal to the rock of the Democratic base - black people - then he will fail through winning. OK? Mind you, this is all ludicrous. Obama is a black man. People see that whether he is running on a civil rights platform like Jesse or not. Danny Glover, famously, could not get a cab in New York City, so being the world's most inoffensive black man does not protect you from racism. The black candidate thing is defacto. It is moot. There is nothing else to discuss here. Whether he's hanging out with Alfonso Ribeiro doing the "Carlton dance" or wearing a dashiki shouting "Ungawa, Black Power," it will be obvious that he's the black dude.

Secondly, what the hell, people? Is Barack supposed to ignore black people, the most solid part of Democratic base? Black people aren't stupid. They are not going to vote for a candidate on skin tone alone, otherwise evergreen black Republicans JC Watts and Alan Keyes would be in Congress. If Barack had ignored the black people who wanted to hear him out and possibly embrace him most of us would have written him off as either the lesser of uppity or the worser of sell-out. Ignoring the black vote would be segueing the black vote to the Clintons, where Bill could "black it up" for days, relishing in all his glory. Thus sinking any hopes of making it to the nomination. That's why there's been such vicious fighting from the Clintons who want to taint Obama's likely win. A sort of proverbial, "If I can't have the Negroes, no one can!"

So, pundits are stupid. Barack should keep talking to everyone -- black, white, Latino, rich, poor, educated, blue collar -- like all the Dem candidates are. Obama's going to get crap from people about being black or not black enough or whatever no matter what he does. This is America.

Blackness is an issue that is always on the table for dissection.

It's gotta be ... the shoes?

You know, I respect Michael Jordan's skills as a baller. I respect his role as a sports icon, trend-setter, underwear pitchman, all-around man about Chicago. I understand that people desire Nike Air Jordans'. Collect them. Hell, back in the 80s and 90s, in the STL you could get shot for some Jordans'. But dude, Jordans' are some ugly-ass shoes. They were ugly when they debuted. They're ugly now that they're on their 23rd edition. I'll admit, they're less ugly than others. To me, ugly still. But I know being a shoe snob will not stop the many Nike Air Jordan lovers who froze their asses off to get the very limited edition shoe.

Gah. I just can't take it anymore.

Off of AP/Yahoo: "Clinton seeks to smooth relations with Obama"

How many times are we going to do this dance? The Clintons' advance. The Clintons retreat. The Clintons' advance. The Clintons' retreat. Then you do the hokey-dokey and shenanigans fall out. It's like the inauthenticity two-step out there. Just once I wish we lived in a world where people can be fully honest in their desires of things. Where homosexuals don't live in the closet. Where Black folks listen to their "My Chemical Romance" CDs with the windows rolled down. Where Dick Cheney finally says to W., "Luke, I am your father."

I wish a day would come when the Clintons could just say with naked ambition, "frankly my dear, we don't give a fuck." George W. doesn't apologize for wanting to be "The Decider." As far as I can tell neither Tom DeLay or Rush Limbaugh were born with consciouses. But Bill and Hillary are members of the Democratic Party, the party that pretends to care about things. Why, oh why couldn't they be in the "streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers" party?

Now I'm not saying Bill n' Hill are the same as DeLay and Rush. The worst thing the Clintons did was NAFTA. Or Monica. No, no. It was NAFTA. But the worse thing Dick n' Bush did was everything. Bill debates what the definition of is is. George has us debating whether water boarding, i.e. Water Torture, was torture. Perspective! It's all in perspective.

That said, I really wish the Clintons didn't have to do this giant, frustrating, circle jerk with the press in their attempt to knock Obama off his pedestal. It's so excruciating to watch. I want Obama, just once, to say, "go fuck yourselves," when they try to make nice with him. Not be like Charlie Brown thinking this time Hillary will let you kick that football. And while I'm not advocating that the primary should dissolve into mutually assured unelectability, I wish everyone could be themselves like they would be if it were just two white guys running.

Sarcastically speaking, it's like the Democratic Party that we love so much is being choked to death by its own diversity! Who knew everyone would just start turning on each other? Just think, if this were a Biden versus Edwards versus Dodd campaign we'd all be paying attention to absolutely nothing.

Political News

The South Carolina Showdown: The Democratic primary in SC is tomorrow, and Obama's busy doing the racial two-step while trying to keep a 9 point lead ahead of the Clintons. Obama is leading by more than a bit in the SC. Pundits say it's because, depending on which pundit you ask, all, 60 percent or half of all voters in the Democratic primary are black. Many of those blacks are pledging fidelity to the Obama camp. The Obamas and the Clintons are in the midst of a who's racist, who' sexist war because their candidates political stances are too similar. Meanwhile the media has pretty much decided black people are voting for Obama because he's black like me, just as they've surmised that Hillary is getting the female vote just because she has boobs and ovaries. This irritates me to no end as NO ONE ever says people vote for the white guy because he's the white guy.

Black people and women of all races are capable of making decisions as to what candidate would best help the country and meet their needs. It's true that blacks and women are enthrall because there is a black and a woman in the race, but they are also practical people. Many women hate Hillary because she's calculating and manipulative. Many blacks don't think Obama could win in a general election. Everyone questions their qualifications, although I've never figured out how Hillary wins the "experience" debate when the bulk of her experience came from being married the Comeback Kid. I guess if Michelle Obama were a two-term ex-President maybe people wouldn't question her husband's skills. Puleaze.

That said, rumor is Bill and Hill are giving up on South Carolina while trying not to appear like they've given up on South Carolina. And, of course, they're still spinning the hell out of everything. John Edwards ... hell, I don't know what John is doing. Trying to remind folks that, dammit, there is a white male southerner in the race with not so subtle comments like, "It doesn't do any good to nominate a candidate who cannot win in November." (The comment comes in around 3:08 at the end of the segment.)

These things maybe so, Johnny, but you're a long way from winning jack crap. Obama's got the charm. Hillary's got Bill. What do you have? I like you, but I still can't get that taste of 2004 defeat out of my mouth when you were shilling the Hey, Hey Mr. Nice guy act. Nothing personal. But I like the fact that you discovered poor people and started talking about them. At least it keeps that discussion going in the race. Perhaps when you run out of money and have to back out, Obama or Clinton will snap up your help the poor platform.
















Dennis the Menace: The Liberal Elf and his hot wife are getting out of the Democratic Race. Poor Dennis Kucinich. I actually agreed with you 99.9 percent of the time. That's how tragically huge of a lefty I am. But I'm still not left enough for Mike Gravel. I know Dennis saw a UFO, but that mofo Mike is crazy.

Pimp My Economy: The government wants to give you $600. What the hell is that supposed to do? Get my Mastercard bill down to $3,000 from $3,600? And where is this money coming from *cough* the Chinese and Saudis *cough, cough* rising deficit *cough*! Smooth move, US government!

Everyone Hates Rudy Guiliani: You know? I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the guy. No, no wait ... No I don't.

"NILF"

For anyone who was curious about where my inspiration for the Ed Bradley Award for Journalistic Hotness came from, here is one of the funniest clips I saw on The Daily Show last year featuring "correspondent" Samantha Bee.

Reason #1178 Why I don't subscribe to Ebony Magazine

I saw this cover when I was in Target this morning. It's their annual 10 hottest couples issue and who's front and center? Donkey and ex-Mrs. Babyface, Eddie Murphy and Tracie Edmonds. A duo who had a show wedding then broke up over their two week honeymoon.

But as bad as this is, what's worse on the cover is a tease to a story about whether light skinned blacks have it better than dark skinned blacks. How many times is Ebony going to re-write this tired article? See? This is why me and Ebony had to break up. The light versus dark article along with interracial dating, black college beauty queens and that whack Whitney Houston article they ran about eight years back where they didn't ask her any hard questions piss me off. Ebony never evolves. It never changes. It never challenges. It's never critical, except of black men dating white women. It's just annoying. It's vapid. It's lame.

Anyone know a better black magazine? I've tried a few others to replace Ebony in my life (I still read the occasional Jet Magazine though), but so far I'm still frustrated. I used to read Essence, but even it's lacking nowadays. I loved reading my mother's Essence, not the one that was revamped to court a younger, hipper set. This all makes me want to start my own political/fashion/celebrity/society/investigative journalism glossy mag, a la Vanity Fair, but with a more comprehensive coverage of black, Asian, Latino and biracial stars, in conjunction with their white counterparts. I don't know. Someday maybe.

Salon's Joan Walsh on the Democratic campaign

I love Joan Walsh, a writer for Salon.com. She regularly writes about politics and is following the Democratic race. She recently penned two blog posts about the whole Clinton v. Obama race in South Carolina. I kind of agree with her on many of the points she made about the campaign. I really feel like everyone is overreacting about the back and forth between the Clintons and Obama and whether or not this is "hurting" the Democratic Party. Considering past primaries and elections this one is rather tame. I'd prefer that the Dems have a real campaign for the nomination, not a love fest or a coronation. For all the hollering I haven't seen anything so egregious to cause alarm. This is pedestrian and petty compared to past election battles where people were accused of being traitors after losing three limbs in Vietnam (Max Cleland) or being a sexual predator who chases white women at the Playboy Mansion (Harold Ford Jr.).

In her most recent column Walsh writes how Obama actually agrees with her, that a tough campaign will build up his resolve and make him a better candidate when he has to take on whatever nightmare the Republicans have in store for him.

"I don't feel like the candidates are getting bloodied up. This is good practice for me, so when I take on those Republicans I'll be accustomed to it," (Obama) told reporters in South Carolina. Obama also said that "black voters shouldn't blame Senator Clinton for running a vigorous campaign against me. That should be a source of pride. It means I might win this thing." He went on to defend a radio ad that says "Hillary Clinton will say anything to get elected," noting it's a reply to her ad trying to tag him with liking Republican ideas. (For the record, I think both ads are fair.)

I feel the same way. The Clintons shouldn't treat Obama with kid gloves. Obama has to find a way to deal with the drama and get above it. To elevate his game to the next level, demonstrating that you can win friends and votes through a new style of politics, thus marginalizing his opponents in the process. But as long as everyone is hollering and crying foul it makes the Dems look like a bunch of whining sissies. People shouldn't worry about the Clinton's picking on Obama. He's a big boy. He can hold his own. I have faith in him that he'll adjust and find away through the garbage.

Frenchie in the final

Who's going to the Australian Open final? This guy.













I promise I'll write something serious soon, but man, he was so excellent on the court. The way he moved. The passion behind every hit. The way he picked Nadal apart and beat him in three straight sets. I think I might have to break up with James Blake and get an upgrade to Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, the Frenchman who idolizes Muhammad Ali and bears a slight resemblance to him.

That and he is ripped.

They Give Good News

Some people fawn over actors. Others athletes. I, rather, drool over a man who can get me some news. God, I love a fellow in a suit and tie talking about the White House. Or a guy in combat boots and a bulletproof vest trolling the streets of Baghdad. Behind a desk. Jumping into rooms shouting, "Mike Wallace! 60 Minutes," causing everyone to scatter. I love Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather. I will never get tired of NBC's Brian "The Stiff" Williams. I love them all. Of course I'm biased. I am a journalist, so I'm partial to the sort of fellow who knows his Istanbuls from his Constantinoples. Plus journalists tend to be a pretty well-read bunch who can talk about almost anything at length and I'm a chatty nerd lover. Package that brain in a pretty body, and I'll covet it with the quickness.

For a long time my favorite journalist on television was Ed Bradley. I'm a "60 Minutes" junkie and I've had a special affinity for him since I went through that phase where I would listen to Jazz at the Lincoln Center on NPR, which he narrated, and dose off dreaming about me, Ed and a Golden Retriever having a nice day at a beach carnival or bazaar shopping for tchotskies and talking about the historical significance of Jazz music on American culture. He'd tell me about that time he got blown up while covering the Vietnam War. And we'd walk hand in hand. It ranks pretty high up on best dreams I've ever had. That one was number# 2. Number #1 is a 2005 dream of me ballroom dancing with Johnny Depp.

So, in honor of a man who was as good with his news as he was good looking, I've created the Ed Bradley Award for Journalistic Hotness.

I've done a lot of searching and watched a lot of news. Hands down, CBS and CNN have the best looking male talent, followed by NBC with ABC and FOX not even making the list. All opinion on hotness is based on my personal tastes, news reading ability and looks. Don't know what they're like in private, don't care.

So with that out of the way, here are this years recipients of the BlackSnob Ed Bradley Award for Journalistic Hotness, celebrating men who give good news, ranked in order of their amazing hotness.

The Thin Man

















10. Jason Carroll (CNN): Jason would be higher on this list if he'd gain, like, 15 pounds. He is way too thin. Every time I see him on CNN reporting in the snow or extreme heat I'm afraid that he's going to pass out. But his high cheek bones mixed with his bare-bones delivery shows some promise as a TV newsman.

Mr. Reliable

















9. Chris Lawrence (CNN): A regular reporter on CNN, Lawrence covers any and everything and always looks friendly and ready to go. With a little pep in his step, he comes off as reliable and trustworthy. And he's kind of cute, which of course, doesn't hurt. Just look at those chubby checks! I want to pinch them.

The Professional













8. Lester Holt (NBC/Today Show): Lester has a charming, inoffensive kind of hotness that's good anytime you have a craving for some decently done news. He's a professional and manages to be a more polished and less irritating version of Bryant Gumble.

Chipmunk Cheeked Charmer














7. Russ Mitchell (CBS/The Early Show): I first fell for Russ when he was a reporter on Channel 4 News in St. Louis. I think was in elementary or junior high school when he was promoted up to the majors at CBS News in New York. Along with reporting, Russ took over Ed Bradley's job of hosting the weekend news. I've always loved Russ' warm, but direct style of anchoring. He's a charmer with chipmunk cheeks. He's also on the CBS' morning show.

Scotty the Magna Cum Hottie
6. Scott Pelley (CBS/60 Minutes): I've always enjoyed Scott Pelley's reporting style, but I didn't notice his fierceness until he filled in for Katie Couric one day. He sat at that desk and opened the news with things, ever-so-slightly eschew. He looked down, then cocked an eyebrow at the camera, looking America in the eye as he ripped off his eyeglasses suddenly then read the news with such ferocity that it turned into one of the best dramatic news reading I'd heard in years. I can't even remember what the news was that day, but I remembered the dash and daring do of his anchoring. When he spoke with such earnestness and urgency in a ridiculous Ron Burgundy way I thought, "Gunga Dan? Have you returned to me?" Man, that was so hot I almost needed a cigarette afterwards and I don't even smoke. He was like a thunderbolt from news heaven. I love a guy who treats news reading like grand theater. A guy who straight makes love to the news. This was much better than watching him look like an ass in his interview with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad where there was little substance in what should have been an amazing news "get." But Scotty redeemed himself on other stories were he was hot. Like walking around burning embers and falling trees in the forever burning American west, or trying to out-grey, fellow grey-headed eco action man Anderson Cooper by hanging out at the bottom of the world looking for global warming. Manly nerds. God bless 'em.

The Best Man
5. Don Lemon (CNN/News Room): His last name maybe lemon, but from the way he reads the news all I can taste is sweetness. He's my Sugar Ray Leonard of cable TV news. While not as attractive as his beyond amazing, ranked #1 CNN co-worker, Lemon possesses talent for that sweet science of professional teleprompter reading. He can read the news and ad lib on the fly with the best of them. But he's not as personable or as "crazy" as most of the reporters I love. He doesn't go freeze his ass off in Antarctica. He's managed to only tip-toe around the journalistic rim of danger. If Scott Pelley is a news guy you date, reliable yet smooth Don is the kind of news guy you marry.

Dandy Andy
4. Anderson Cooper (CNN/AC 360): Whether Anderson is in a jungle, in Iraq, wading through the floodwaters of New Orleans or in the newsroom, despite all the tight black T-shirts in the world, he's still the prettiest man in TV news. I don't know yet if he's a truly skilled interviewer or not. I've watched a lot of 360 and his appearances on "60 Minutes" and his body of work is a little choppy. From the ten-thousand presidential debates CNN has had so far all I can tell is that he's a better than Wolf Blitzer who is a crap sandwich, but not by much. Anderson does other things well. He's a lot more comfortable with humor and taking risks in an effort to redefine the anchor role. And I do enjoy the sometimes castrating conversations he has with Headline News' Erica Hill when talking about the more frivolous news of the day. So Andy's charming and affable. Endearing even. He has lovely blue eyes and greatest prematurely gray hair on television. And despite my ribbing, he does fill out a tight black t-shirt nicely. Plus, he's ambitious. His Katrina coverage was admirable and I enjoy the various environmental and social justice stories he's done. If he could tighten up that news interviewing belt a bit more, he might be higher on the list.

Win One For The "Glibster"
3. Matt Lauer (NBC/The Today Show): First off, when I searched for a picture of Matt this one was one of first ones that popped up, honest to God. I would have gone with a more normal one, but look at him! He's delicious and hairy ... not that I'm into that sort of thing. In the past when I thought of manly newsman I normally didn't think of NBC's Matt Lauer who usually looks bookish. He gives good news through his brainy, sharp wit and calm control. But then, oh then, came that time he was in Torino, Italy for the 2006 Winter Olympics. He flew down a zip line over the mountains, stopping in the middle to hang hundreds of feet above the ground. As he gave his report, dangling in the air, Today Show co-anchor Katie Couric remarked that this was the manliest she'd ever seen Matt look. And it was. I've been gaga for him ever since. Matt is a cracker jack guy in an interview. Like that nightmare of an interview with Tom Cruise, where Cruise went nuts and called Matt "glib". He even was decent during that train wreck, gum-smacking interview with Britney Spears. I know that had to be hard for a newsy guy like Matt. He shouldn't be talking to celebrities. He should be "Where in the World Is Matt Lauer?" not Barbara Walters. I don't watch the Today Show as much as I used to (which is weird as I love both Matt and Anne Curry.) So I'm not getting my Matt fix like I used to. But he's gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

Sexual Chocolate
2. Tiki Barber (NBC/Football Night in America/The Today Show): Ex-jock intellectual Tiki Barber is one of the most gorgeous ballers to be found and he's in the minority of ex-NFL players who don't sound like Ol' Mush Mouth or illiterate fourth graders. Tiki is a smooth guy who blends in well on the Today Show and was among the few watchable people on NBC's Football Night in America, with Keith Olbermann and Bob Costas canceling each other out with their inner dull sports nerd. Barber, on the other hand, is so polished he's chrome. And unlike the Scott Pelleys and Don Lemons of the media world, Barber is drenched in raw sex appeal. And he's wearing a suit. While reading the news. He's straight Mary Tyler Moore, turning on the world with that smile. It's like the unintentional laughter he got when he went on The Daily Show to talk about his book and Jon Stewart remarked that he should be bigger, teasing Tiki's about his former football physique and Tiki remarked that he was "bigger where it counts." I don't think he meant to say things that way, but from the hoots and hollers in the audience everyone had a mind just as dirty as my own. But that's Tiki Barber, second sexiest man on television. King of the literate ex-jocks on TV who can conjugate a verb. If other jocks are Hershey's, Tiki is Godiva.

And #1 is ...

LL Cool TJ
1. TJ Holmes (CNN/News Room/News Desk): Have you ever seen someone be so sexy while reading the news it makes start catching feelings? Have you stayed in on the weekends just to hear a newscaster talk, just to see him smile? Did you know someone could be so smooth, so smart, so cool? TJ Holmes is cool. He's Ed Bradley cool. He hasn't done as much as Ed and isn't as well traveled, but Holmes is on the come up. He is a news man with brilliant potential. He's also the most gorgeous in a line up of gorgeous black men that CNN offers. When he and co-anchor Kyra Phillips trade barbs, or when he talks sweet to Susan Lisovicz over stock prices the chemistry is popping. Not because something is going on, but because Holmes is that smooth. He can make you believe that he could talk anything and anyone into sexy submission. Now while I have more or less a crush on all the men listed above, Holmes is the only one who I fantasize about getting whisked away in too hot journalist love heaven. Where we discuss politics and what to name our children. It's that deep. I love TJ. But I'd like to see him branch out more. Experiment a little. One can't rely on hotness alone to keep their number #1 Ed Bradley Award spot. Meant to be filled with hot men who can work the news, Ed Bradley style, kicking the inverted pyramid and taking names, all while emanating a smooth jazz vibe scored by Wynton Marcellus.

After all, Scott Pelley is one eyeglass rip-off from making a run for hottest news dude in 2009.