So many pictures, so little time. Right, Ashanti? Because I was slackin' and suffering from brain drain last weekend I didn't get my celebrity photo spread up. Tsk. Tsk. Guess I'll just have to sprinkle it about throughout this week. While Tuesday's spread featured a lavender affair in the Hamptons, todays is a poo poo platter of randomness. A little Dennis Rodman here and a little J. Lo there. Something for everyone! Get a taste!
Girl, I just don't know what is going on here. WireImage said on July 22nd, Ashanti was pushing something at an event called "The Island Next Door." A little Googling revealed she was bidding "Aloha" to winners of a Nassau County Tourism vacation. Nice. While it looks like she jacked some fantabulous lace-front wig action, I don't like the grape Kool-Aid nail polish. Other than that, she looks happy to be picking up a check. What a world. You show up. Make a few faces. Take a few pictures and ... Money, please!
Oh, Mimi! It would be too much to ask Mariah Carey to dress her chronological age, but I guess you're only as old as you feel (or market) and Mariah is a spry, midriff-baring 22 years of age. With rainbows and unicorns and butterflies and such. Her life is like a Candyland game board where everyday she's walking down "Gum Drop Lane."
This picture was taken July 22nd at MTV's TRL studio. She reminds me of preteens who dress like junior hookers because they think that's what supermodels look like. You know? A little Daisy Duke meets Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" at a Build-A-Bear Workshop? Or one of those Sanrio stores. Or Claire's. Is there a rich folk version of Claire's?
And I know she's had this look for a long time now, but I still really, really, really hate Mimi with blonde hair. I truly wish she'd reconsider something closer to the hair color of her birth, or at least the hair color of ten years ago when she was still a ringlet rocking brunette.
A lil' J. Lo in the world's fugliest, shapeless, muumuu. The contrasting block pattern (which exudes a bit of a tribal vibe) looks horrid, like something I could pick up at one of those black bookstore/gift shop/African boutique/knick-knack/wig shack huts found wherever communities of Negroes congregate. Like would cost about $80 and would hang next to the dashikis and mud cloth print tops n' bottoms, on the rack near the strawberry incense, giant posters of Malcolm X holding a gun while looking out a window and Tupac/Biggie memorial T-shirts.
And all the wigs there are made out of 100 percent human hair!
I don't know what's going on with this, as Jennifer Lopez and Skeletor hubby, Marc Anthony visit the set of theatrical production "In the Heights" July 24, Jen's birthday. (The second shot features Lopez and Anthony with actor Lin-Manuel Miranda.) And like with Mariah, I am sick of olive complexioned brown people with blonde hair. You look ridiculous. Very few light brown people can make this look work and like Mariah, Jennifer is not one of them.
Mr. Baby Wipes is on the cover of Philadelphia Style! How stylish for Terrence Howard, even though he clearly needs a haircut in these photographs. A lil' shape up for that natural. But it's cool, Senor Baby Wipes, esta frio! Rock that Philly stilo!
Dennis Rodman. Still alive and attending Ed Hardy swimwear fashion shows. Below he is pictured with designers Christian Audigier and Richie Rich. The event took place in Miami July 18th. So what do you think his breath smells like? I'm guessing Mojitos, chili cheese Fritos and Red Bull.
NBC TV news guy and ex-NFL baller Tiki Barber is pictured here at the opening of Brother Jimmy's on Murray Hill, July 24.
I'm assuming the smiling woman was his date since WireImage's lazy ass did not bother to catch her name. He's with his wife Ginny Cha. I wanted to shout, "Woman! Git yo' hands off my man!" but I resisted, because I had to know specifically which woman I needed to tell to get their hands off my man that is her man. Bummer!
And now let's play, "Who Looks A Hot Mess!"
Today's contestants include rapper Fabolous, habitual partier/resident tipsy girl actress Gabrielle Union, former Top Model contestant Toccara or rapstress/"What does she do again?" Trina, all appearing at the "Miami Stand Up" event July 20.
Fabolous looks the way he always looks, dressed in generic rapper mode. The half-cocked hat, the comical 80s shades, the bit o' bling hither and tither. Nothing to shout about. Gabby, with a smile that says "I'm ready to drink for free," looks pretty, as always, and is dressed in black, as always. Once again, nothing to see here. Toccara, a beautiful woman did not take a beautiful picture here. The dress looks like it came from 1991, the hair is indescribable and the look on the face, not sexy. Jay Manuel would not approve. But our winner is Trina who has consistently looked a hot mess from several years in the running.
I don't know what Trina does (other than look a hot mess and take the world's most unsexy pictures). I've heard she's a singer or rapper or performer of some type. I could say something really obvious and lazy like ... she looks like a bad drag queen that RuPaul would write a diss track about. Or "a shirt is not a dress." Or she has thighs so big Popeye's is threatening to fry them up and serve them to the Reverend Al Sharpton.
No. I'm just going to say that if you put some pants on her she looked like a back up singer for Ashford & Simpson around the time they did "Solid." That she would be the one in the back with a ton of make up on so she'd look decent on the tee-vee as they performed on Solid Gold.
And she looks "A Hot Mess!" Congratulations, Trina!
It's a wax Tyra Banks, unveiled at Madam Tussands' July 24.
Samuel Jackson, Takashi Okazaki and The RZA prompting "Afro Samurai" at Comic-Con in San Diego, July 24.
Star Trek pioneers George Takei and Nichelle Nichols share an embrace and a kiss during the closing night of Outfest in Los Angeles, July 21.
Nichelle looks gorgeous and George is beaming. After all, dude finally got married in Cali, after the courts struck down a law barring gays for marrying. So George boldly went ... ahem ... where no gay had gone before (legally in California). Enjoy the wedded life, George.